Tag Archives: Vulnerable

Vulnerability

Happy Sunday All,

This week’s message scares the ‘bejesus’ out of me!

cute-18833_1280The ‘whispering’ last night was the word ‘honesty.’ That’s all I could hear in my mind…’Honesty,’ but on waking this morning and showering I knew it was a message more powerful than that. Vulnerability…  was all I could hear; being laid bare, raw and open is the message I am to bring to you today.

I’m sweating as I write and I can feel the resistance rising within me, but as I contemplate on the word ‘Vulnerability’ and what It is I should write, I realise I risk judgment and ridicule.

Thinking of vulnerability I remembered two experiences that illustrated perfectly how our vulnerability is a powerful connector and touch others far more deeply than simply talking.

A week of two ‘Whispers’

Incident number one was with Year 11 English…

It was a Tuesday, Lesson 1…

During a  quiz I sensed some tension between the groups, two in particular. This competition made me feel uneasy, as it felt more vitriolic and personal, so on Tuesday I mentioned what I’d noticed and went into one of my:

‘This is what I’ve learnt in life speeches…’

  • I launched into how our differences are our beauty and that criticism is cruel and serves no purpose as we all have UNIQUE gifts and our duty is to find them and share them with the world.
  • I revealed my own struggles with criticism as a child and how it’s taken too long for me to find my purpose and how now I’m deeply passionate about getting them to realise this much, much sooner than I, so they can feel fulfilled, happy and ‘right’ and stand in their power for a longer period of their lives.
  • I told them that I do this job because I love being connected to the energy and the beauty and the potential I see in them all and hopefully I can help show their magnificence back to so they can connect with it. And grow in confidence and self.2014-07-05 05.45.18

Instead of being sneered at by a group of cynical 15 & 16 year-olds I noticed them start to smile, some shyly, others more openly; they sat up and sat straighter and some of them actually seemed to light up. By being my usual ‘talk tu much’ open self I had connected far more deeply than I could have hoped. We had pretty good lessons that week…

‘Whisper’ No. 2

whisper-408482_1280The second incident occurred during an assembly. I had a Year 11 form class at the time (15-16 year-olds) if you’re wondering or you’re not in the UK as you read this. An age that can be particularly sneering and disparaging for many; or very painful and isolating for others. I’m a bit of a Mother Hen and like to know they have someone they can come to, but more often than not they don’t because it’s not ‘Cool,’ but I persist knowing that despite the bravado they are fearful and unsure and insecure for the most part as they ‘hatch’ and find their way in life.

I forget sometimes that I often ‘see’ what’s below the surface, all that literary analysis I guess?

One of my form pupils, a young woman, I’d noticed was always alone. She was a lovely girl. Seemed quietly self-assured yet ALWAYS alone, something told me that her aloneness was a shield and that she was ‘holding’ herself in. I somehow sensed a tension in her. So I asked her to sit next to me and just asked if she was alone through choice…

The tension that comes with holding

She began to shake…mildly at first and then the tears started silently streaming down her cheeks. We exited the hall together and sat and talked, she asked why I’d asked that question and I told her about the ‘tension’ I noticed and that I recognised it. The constant ‘holding yourself in’ for fear that you’ll fall apart if you ease up for even a second.

glass-101792_1280

A shattered mirror whose frame is desperately trying to keep the broken pieces in.

 

I recognised that…

I revealed how and why I had been so ‘tense’ as young person a ‘hold it all together’ person constantly unsure of who or what or why I was. I got so used to the holding, that as an adult I never cried and could be very aloof.

There were a lot of tears for her but also a release and a relaxation afterwards. She was grateful and somehow more peaceful, simply because she had been ‘seen’ by someone and through my vulnerability she realised she wasn’t alone, that connection was possible, that someone cared, that she could get help if she needed it.

What I don’t want you to know about me…

You see, we’re all ‘holding’ aren’t we? Even those of us who seem care-free and open are usually ‘hiding’ some part of ourselves, some quality or experience that we feel makes us ‘less than’

What I don’t want you to know about me is that I’m tired…

woman-1043030_1280Not physically tired, (though I am sometimes), but spiritually weak. I’ve tried and tried at this thing called life and I’m afraid I haven’t got it right yet as I haven’t yet created the reality for my life that I see in my visions and in my dreams and it saddens me

What I don’t want you to know about me is that I love teaching, but I know there’s more for me to be and do, more of me to share with the world and I somehow I just can’t seem make it manifest the way it is in my visions. I am doing what I know how to do, but not my passion (it once was) not my DREAM. 

And yet… I also have a ‘knowing’ that the universe knows what it’s doing and that it’s all about divine timing…

The dream

That I dream of connecting with you…ordinary people like me, across the globe, through writing and seminars and speeches; pleading with you to realise faster and sooner than I, that you are AMAZING! That I dream of speaking to others at their very core and helping them to discover their truest truths their highest potential & helping them to step into it.

You see, that is our path to true happiness:

Finding your gifts and sharing them with the world.

motivational-1177436_1280

 

  • What I don’t want you to know about me is that I have failed. Time and time again. I have attempted to do business in so many ways, to create ‘multiple income streams’ in an effort to leave a legacy for my family.
  • What I don’t want you to know about me is I have failed in relationships. I have trusted and been taken advantage of and hurt and trusted again and been ‘shafted’ with money more times than I can count and still I believe what others tell me. Trusting automatically.
  • What I don’t want you to know about me is that I’ve been married (twice) only to learn some painful, deep & powerful lessons and that I’m sometimes afraid that I’m no good and that, though I hope for another partner in life & love, I’ll get it wrong if I get the chance again.
  • What I don’t want you to know about me is I have tried and tried to create a vibrant lifestyle, a life full of travel and freedom and security for the next seven generations of my family.
  • I dream of addressing hundreds of thousands of people, connecting them to their wonder and the best of who they are, helping them discover their beauty and joy. I dream that my children are there, in the front row and are looking up; proud to call me ‘Mum.’

Yet all I have managed to create is a reality that leaves me just one wage slip (pay check) from the street and sometimes I feel as though I’m hanging on to a cliff-side with jagged rocks and broken bottles at the bottom and all that’s keeping me from falling & being lacerated and ripped to bits by them is my fingernails.

Getting to the point

one-way-street-1113973_1280So now we come to the reason for this post. My message, the loop in my head this morning kept saying ‘honesty & vulnerability.’ I know allowing vulnerability is a powerful tool. When coaching others I have always lived by the premise that I cannot get my client to go any deeper to find their answers than I will go myself, as open as I am ready to be.

It is when I ask just that ‘right’ question, that they realise I could only know to ask if I’d been there and in that moment there’s a recognition of someone who ‘GETS THIS,’ who understands what their challenges are.

The revelation produces a deeper more powerful connection between coach and client, immense trust and so leads to some wonderful transformations.

Holding…& holding…& breaking?

children-788782_1280I felt driven today to reach out to those of you, wherever you are who are on the planet today,  who are struggling with life. My wish is to share with you and be exposed…reveal my vulnerability. It’s not some stunt or appeal for sympathy, but a genuine hope that you get that I too am ‘holding’ that we all are and that all those things I am ‘holding,’ my fears, those areas of my life I feel are less than savoury and for which I think I will be judged are also the experiences and the pain and the lessons…the gifts that enable me to share with you.

Life today is challenging and it seems particularly so, why I don’t know, but I hope today, you take my vulnerability and see within it with the message I intended.

A message for us to:

  • Connect with one another.
  • To just let go of the ‘tension’ for a little while.
  • To still the inner voice of judgment, just for a brief moment at least
  • To accept ourselves; failures, issues, foibles and all.
  • To look into the eyes of a stranger, drop the façade and simply reach out and say ‘Hello… how are you today?’
  • To keep on keeping on and know through these words that ‘You are not alone.’

    Blissings & much love

    Insightful Angel

All images sourced from Pixabay

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Self-Care

Happy Sunday All,

This week I’m afraid I’m a little under the weather to say the least. It’s late in the day and only now do I have the energy to put ‘fingers to keyboard’ so to speak. As I coughed and spluttered my way through the day I felt a moment of tremendous guilt as I hadn’t yet managed to write this weeks post.

This got me thinking about self-care

Self care means those individual choices we make about our lifestyle choices, on a daily basis that contribute to our long-term health and well-being. So choosing to brush your teeth daily or shower, to exercising or taking proper medicines when we are ill are all examples of self-care.

It is imperative that we take care of ourselves, especially if we have others that rely on us in some way or are dependent on us for their physical well-being, livelihood or other aspect of their life that they need us to supply for them.

2014-04-30 20.15.22It’s vital, no imperative that we allow ourselves the privilege of caring for ourselves first and before all else, especially at times when we are under the weather, otherwise what energy will we retain in order to look after those others if we don’t?

It’s been a challenging place to be in today as it brought up many feelings:

Guilt… because I felt I wasn’t upholding my promise to myself and to you to post weekly.

Fear… that those of you expecting communication for me would be disappointed and therefore abandon my writing in the future.

My ego took a bashing too as I realised:

  • I’m not invincible,
  • I’m fragile,
  • I’m like any other and can suffer weakness & feel vulnerable and

Most controversial for me;

  • I need support at times too.

In the spirit of self-care and after much soul-searching I decided I needed to rest and care for me today and not use my mental, emotional and physical energies writing and sharing today.

So, dear friends. This is as much as I can muster today, but I urge you surrender.

When the need for self-care arises please be kind to yourself because if you don’t who else will care for you enough so you can continue to be the magnificent being you are?

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

So, for today and the week beyond, all I can say is:

TAKE VERY GOOD CARE OF YOURSELVES

and I will hopefully be back fighting fit agin next week.

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Pissouri Pilgrimage No. 1

Happy Sunday all

greece-565926_1280Here’s the first instalment of my ‘Pissouri Pilgrimage’ posts. There was some learning and there was some insight, so for the next few weeks I’ll share them here with you.? My hope is that they help you in some way by shining a light on your thoughts about yourself or life, or give hope if you’re feeling less than confident. Maybe they will confirm for you how amazing life is!

4th October 2015

Pissouri – Cyprus 23.55 (local time)

Trepidation

I’m away as you can see.

cute-18833_1280For some strange reason I had a real feeling of trepidation about travelling and was almost in tears as I left this morning at 8am for my flight to Larnaca from Leeds & Bradford Airport. I had no idea why, I just felt so fearful; a complete feeling of dread was nestling in my chest and I nearly didn’t come. If it wasn’t for the fact that I would regret wasting the money spent and that I’ve had hassle changing bookings and etc. I think I may have ‘chickened’ out.

But, I’m here now.

10 days…alone with myself abroad.

It’s quite daunting and I think this is what made the fear rise up in me, even though I have travelled alone before, but that was some time ago.

I managed to re-assure and calm myself on the plane by playing with my angel cards, (I have brought them with me). Whether they provide comfort or not I believe they do and so that’s all that matters.

aircraft-479772_1280On the flight I sat next to Carol and her friend Margaret. Both phenomenal in their 70s (looking decades younger) and travelling to meet a friend who is very familiar with the island as she used to live here. They’ve both been before, but never alone and called me ‘brave.’ Hmmm… not sure I was feeling too brave at the time, but hey! I was still gripped by this in explainable fear, but you can’t exactly tell the pilot to turn around or stop the vehicle now can you?

Through someone else’s eyes

Airport terminal and they were aghast that I had not sorted my onward journey and had no idea how I was going to get from Larnaca to Pissouri. It turned out to be quite simple. A bus from Larnaca to Limassol and then a taxi to Pissouri. The bus was only €9, a bit better than the £74 round trip it was going to cost for transfers when I tried sorting it from sunny Leeds!

So there I am, pleased with myself that I’ve sorted the bus and I won’t have to spend a fortune and dip into an already sparse pocket. I’m still panicky, so I remember to be grateful and tell myself I’m lucky to be where I am and to be having this experience. I focus on reminding myself that the universe will support me and that things will turn out OK…

I believe it (kind of), but I say it to myself none-the-less.

woman-41891_1280It’s funny how we see ourselves differently to others. They saw a brave woman, going it alone, but because I was on the inside of me I focused on the nervousness I was feeling. Yet they would never have done what I did and would rather have lost the money they spent.

Sometimes it does you good to listen and see yourself through other’s eyes. You may just be surprised by what you discover.

Taxi ride

Well, just as this girl thought she’d done ‘good,’ the bus driver says I have to get off at the first stop and get a taxi. Now when I bought the bus ticket the woman made it quite clear (she even circled it on the bus timetable she gave me), that I should get off at the second stop; St. George (a church – I get the impression there are a few churches here, to say the least!)

baby-216876_1280Something tells me this is bit of a ‘swizz’ and the bus driver and taxi man are in cahoots, but I have no choice, my driver is going no further.

Pah!

€40…YES €40 later I am at the apartment.

Don’t get me wrong, me and Mr. Taxi man had a lovely chat. It turns out his daughter is studying ‘Biomedical Science’ at Leeds University, Yes, my hoe City – Clever girl!

What a very small world indeed…

He has three children like me and like me has two girls and a boy. His son is just finishing school and will have to do National Service and daughter no. two they are trying to get a position within the navy or something as she tried studying in the UK as a make-up artist, but gave it up. I don’t think he was too impressed.

i-105490_150The conversation sounded all too familiar and you realise that no matter where you go, people are all the sam. The same wants and dreams, the same concerns and issues. The language and the customs and the faiths and the cultures are wonderful manifestations of our uniqueness, yet below the surface there’s the universal experience of life that connects us to each other.

Underneath it all we are ONE…

I’m reassured.

Fleeced?!

But, I’m at this point smarting from the realisation I may have been ‘HAD!’ and I’m seriously worried about how I’m going to survive here.

pound-414418_1280This, I think was what my panic was about. I know how to penny pinch at home, but abroad?

And who wants to feel restricted in such beauty? But then I tell myself I am as confined and restricted as I think I am.

After orienting myself around the apartment, which is lovely by the way. Modern and very, very cleeeen! My kinda place. The lovely Theodora came up and introduced herself and gave me a bit of a run down. She’s from Eastern Europe, but says she likes the weather here.

A quick shower…

The panic rises again…

That first night out and dinner alone.

I talk myself down and take another couple of angel cards. Pretty Stupendous they are too: ‘Blessings,’ and ‘Archangel Michael.’

So off I pop, telling myself blessings are all around me, that Michael is with me and will take away my fear…

Dinner

I’ve just returned from dinner (yes alone).

greek-salad-689674_1280Halloumi, olives, pitta and hummus…delish! I DO love that cheese, and proper goat’s milk too, so no bilious belly and cramping later, but so very rich; I’m going to have to abstain and not indulge every day methinks.

At dinner I people watched and gave thanks for the lovely food and the very handsome cats that hovered like vultures wanting anything that might fall from your table. I had visions of the god almighty bloody scrap that would ensue if all five (or was it six?) of them descended on some morsel I might drop and I’m to put it to the test, but declined.

Being open to connection

psychology-789612_1280After eating and feeling very satisfied and just whilst I was just taking in my surroundings, a gentleman started to eat the grapes that hung from the roof of the restaurant. I did for a moment think they were real, but there were so many and they seems so perfectly round and plum and juicy, I’d deduced they’re fake.

Xenios offered me some (at least he wasn’t called Costas – That was the taxi driver!) and I have to say they were delicious, though a tad dusty, but what’s a little dust between new acquaintances? We chatted and he seemed to know quite a few people…he is also, it seems rather accomplished as a businessman as he seems to run a lot of different enterprises. Anyway, no doubt I’ll bump into him again as he has a water-sports business on the beach.

Reaching out

girl-843076_1280Conversation over, I walked back to the apartment in that profound darkness that there always seems to be when you’re on holiday and marvelled at the fact that I could clearly see the constellations and I was so grateful for the lack of light pollution. I mused how we can only connect if we are open to it. If I’d been fearful or resistant Xenios would not have approached me. Sure he probably does it with everyone, but for me alone, it was a welcome distraction from my nervousness and fear.

In what way could you connect? you could be the person who relieves a moment of anxiety for someone else. so consider the next time you pull back from reaching out due to your own nervousness or fears.

A decision

I decided to write-up my day in a diary, but then realised that perhaps this trip will contain significant learning & insights that I can share, so here goes.

Today has been about trust:

  • Trusting that the ‘other’ source is there to support me and to support all of us.
  • Trusting myself and my instincts to get it right
  • I was tested and thrown into strange and unfamiliar situations and with people I did not know…
  • This frightened me.
  • I was tired and not wanting the challenge of having to do this all alone.
  • I had to rely on myself and more importantly, to trust that the universe would create the best outcomes for all concerned.sueaking-482701_1280

She did…but the outcome would have been very different I suspect if I’d gotten into panic and continued to have negative thoughts when my fear arose.

Like the boy in the Polar express I kept feeling my way when all I wanted to do was give up or turn around and go back.

I stayed in gratitude, trusting that I’d be OK…

I now believe I will be just that…OK.

I swallowed my fear and ventured out, when I wanted to stay in and hide and give myself the excuse that I’d just arrived and I could go out tomorrow.

Instead, I pushed through my panic and fear and…

I ate well

I made a connection

And the crème de la crème… I found a vegan raw food restaurant on the walk home…

Guess where I’ll be eating from now on?

Kale chips a plenty!

23.24 UK time: 1.24 Pissouri time. Time to sign off

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

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Trust

Pissouri Pilgrimage – Day 1

Cyprus

Sunday 4th October – 23.55 (local time)

I’m away as you can see…

greece-565926_1280For some strange reason I had a real feeling of trepidation about my journey and was almost in tears as I left this morning at 8am for my flight to Larnaca from Leeds & Bradford Airport. I had no idea why, I just felt so fearful; a complete feeling of dread was nestling in my chest and I nearly didn’t come. If it wasn’t for the fact that I would regret wasting the money spent and that I’ve had hassle changing bookings and etc. I think I may have chickened out.

But, I’m here now.

10 days…alone with myself abroad.

It’s quite daunting and I think this is what scared me, even though I have travelled alone before.

I did feel a little re-assured and calmed myself on the plane by playing with my angel cards, (I have brought them with me). Whether thy provide comfort or not I believe they do and so that’s all that matters.

Arrival

On the flight I sat next to Carol and her friend Margaret. Both phenomenal in their 70s (looking decades younger) and travelling to meet a friend who is very familiar with the island as she used to live here. They’ve both been before, but never alone and called me ‘brave.’ Hmmm… not sure I was feeling too brave at the time, but hey! I was still gripped by this in explainable fear, but you can’t exactly tell the pilot to turn around or stop the vehicle now can you?

Airport terminal and they were aghast that I had not sorted my onward journey and had no idea how I was going to get from Larnaca to Pissouri. It turned out to be quite simple. A bus from Larnaca to Limassol and then a taxi to Pissouri. The bus was only €9, a bit better than the £74 round trip it was going to cost for transfers when I tried sorting it from sunny Leeds!

buddha-709861_1280So there I am, pleased with myself that I’ve sorted the bus and I won’t have to spend a fortune and dip into an already sparse pocket. I have very little in the way of spending money due to Summer term work drying up sooner than I’d anticipated and I am still catching up with myself. I’m still panicky, so I remember to be grateful and tell myself I’m lucky to be where I am and to be having this experience. I focus on reminding myself that the universe will support me and that things will turn out OK…

I believe it (kind of), but I say it to myself none-the-less.

The girl done good…

superhero-534120_1280Well, just as this girl thought she’d done good, the bus driver says I have to get off at the first stop and get a taxi. Now when I bought the bus ticket the lady made it quite clear (she even circled it on the bus timetable she gave me), that I should get off at the second stop; St. George (a church – I get the impression there are quite a few churches here to say the least!)

Something tells me this is bit of a ‘swizz’ and the bus driver and taxi man are in cahoots, but I have no choice, my driver is going no further.

Pah!

€40…

YES,

€40 later I am at the apartment!

Don’t get me wrong, me and Mr. Taxi man had a lovely chat. It turns out his daughter is studying ‘Biomedical Science’ at Leeds University, Clever girl and a very small world indeed…

He has three children like me and like me has two girls and a boy. His son is just finishing school and will have to do National Service and daughter no. two they are trying to get a position within the navy or something as she tried studying in the UK as a make-up artist, but gave it up. I don’t think he was too impressed.

But, I’m at this point smarting from the realisation I may have been ‘HAD!’ and I’m seriously worried about how I’m going to survive.

This, I think was what my panic was about. I know how to penny pinch at home, but abroad when you need to pay for everything?

And who wants to feel restricted in such beauty? But then I tell myself I am as confined and restricted as I think I am.

Pushing through the fear

fear-617132_1280After orientating myself around the apartment, which is lovely by the way. Modern and very, very cleeeen! My kinda place. The lovely Theodora came up and introduced herself and gave me a bit of a run down. She’s from Eastern Europe, but says she likes the weather here.

A quick shower…

The panic rises again…

That first night out and dinner alone.

I talk myself down and take another couple of angel cards. Pretty Stupendous they are too: ‘Blessings,’ and ‘Archangel Michael.’

So off I pop, telling myself blessings are all around me, that Michael is with me and will take away my fear…

I’ve just returned from dinner (yes alone).

Halloumi, olives, pitta and hummus…delish! I DO love that cheese, and proper goat’s milk too, so no bilious belly and cramping later, but so very rich; I’m going to have to abstain and not indulge every day methinks.

People watching

photo-montage-556811_1280At dinner I people watched and gave thanks for the lovely food and the very handsome cats that hovered like vultures wanting anything that might fall from your table. I had visions of the god almighty bloody scrap that would ensue if all five (or was it six?) of them descended on some morsel I might drop and I was tempted to put it to the test, but declined.

After eating and feeling very satisfied and just whilst I was just taking in my surroundings, a gentleman started to eat the grapes that hung from the roof of the restaurant. I did for a moment think they were real, but there were so many and they seems so perfectly round and plum and juicy, I’d deduced they must be fake.

Xenios offered me some (at least he wasn’t called Costas – That was the taxi driver!) and I have to say they were delicious, though a tad dusty, but what’s a little dust between new acquaintances? We chatted and he seemed to know quite a few people…he is also, it seems rather accomplished as a businessman as he seems to run a lot of different enterprises. Anyway, no doubt I’ll bump into him again as he has a water-sports business on the beach.

Conversation over, I walked back to the apartment in that profound darkness that there always seems to be when you’re on holiday and marvelled at the fact that I could clearly see the constellations and I was so grateful for the lack of light pollution.

Trust

trust-482655_1280I decided to write up my day in a diary, but then realised that perhaps this trip will contain significant learning & insights that I can share, so here goes.

Today has been about trust:

Trusting that the ‘other’ source is there to support me and to support all of us.

Trusting myself and my instincts to get it right

  • I was tested and thrown into strange and unfamiliar situations and with people I did not know…
  • This frightened me.
  • I was tired and not wanting the challenge of having to do this all alone.
  • I had to rely on myself and more importantly, to trust that the universe would create the best outcomes for all concerned.

She did…but the outcome would have been very different I suspect if I’d gotten into panic and continued to have negative thoughts when my fear arose.

Like the boy in the Polar express I kept feeling my way when all I wanted to do was give up or turn around and go back.

  • I stayed in gratitude, trusting that I’d be OK…
  • I now believe I will be just that…OK.
  • I swallowed my fear and ventured out, when I wanted to stay in and hide and give myself the excuse that I’d just arrived and I could go out tomorrow.
  • Instead, I pushed through my panic and fear and…
  • I ate well
  • I made a connection

And the crème de la crème… I found a vegan raw food restaurant on the walk home…

Guess where I’ll be eating from now on?

Kale chips a plenty!

23.24 UK time and 1.24 Pissouri time. Time to sign off

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

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Aloneness

Happy Sunday all,

Today’s post is an attempt to at least scratch the surface of a situation that many of us are in, a state that we can suddenly be plunged into or a state that can creep up over time, but which none-the-less we can find a challenge to grow accustomed to…

It’s a theme that’s been revealed to me at least three times this week (even this morning as I read a post on LinkedIn) and so I thought it warranted some examination.

The State of ‘Aloneness’

2014-05-05 19.18.48Many, many people are living alone or find they’re spending significant amounts of time, perhaps more than they’d like, in their own company. “Nothing wrong with that!” I hear you shout and indeed there is nothing wrong with that, IF it’s a milieu of choice.

You’re right being alone can wonderfully liberating. It has the potential to be a space in which you really get to understand who you are: Your wants, needs and desires; an opportunity to tap into your deepest fears too and gain a 360’ perspective on yourself. This of course is vital if we are to have healthy, secure and long-lasting friendships and relationships. It’s true, unless you know and love yourself, you cannot hope to truly love another.

But, for some…

Just sometimes…

That aloneness becomes too weighty to carry.

It begins to feel like isolation and disconnection, especially if it is not a state or space person wants or when there is no deeply felt connection.

101 ways to aloneness

mourning-360500_150The state of being alone can manifest for many, many reasons or occur because a myriad of changing circumstances and it’s not just the elderly or middle-aged that can find they are now languishing in extended periods of isolation:

  1. Perhaps your friends’ life stage has changed. They now have responsibilities you don’t or are studying and you’re not, or they’ve moved away for study or work so you’re not able to connect as often.
  2. Perhaps you’re an ‘empty-nester’ and your children have left home and your partner has died or you have suffered a divorce leaving you in aloneness for much of the time once you return from work or whatever it is you do
  3. Perhaps you’re elderly and your spouse or significant other has died and you never had children or your children have moved away, or (as is often the case today) your children are not really bothered about connecting with you.
  4. Perhaps you’re shy and it’s a challenge for you to connect easily. You are respectful and converse as necessary at work or whatever, however socially your opportunities few and others neglect to invite you to events assuming it’s ‘not your thing’ OR ’S/he probably wouldn’t want to come…’
  5. Perhaps the opposite is true, you’re gregarious and lively company, so people assume you’re bound to have an invitation to X, Y, Z event; someone ‘MUST’ have let you know?

But guess what?

They all did what you did and made and assumption, they decided the responsibility wasn’t theirs and simply didn’t check (Obviously I’m not going to list 101 here, but you get my drift).

ginger-650475_1280The spinster and her cats

I know we’re all familiar with the stereotypical image of the spinster and her cats, alone and dead for so long no one discovers her for months. To be honest, though it’s used as a joke it’s far from funny when you think about it.

I mean to think that anyone is so cut-off, so disconnected from another human, so separate that no-one cares to look in on them or is aware that they are not around.

What does that say about the society we’re creating?

The Legacy of Noah

glass-ark-331937_1280Noah built his Ark and led the animals in two by two. I’m sure most of us are familiar with this tale regardless of Faith, but what it’s created is the concept of ‘otherness’ for those who find themselves alone or in a state of aloneness.

If you’re not part of a couple or partnership in some form you’re often penalised and made to feel ‘outside the norm:

  • There are supplements and extra charges if you want to travel alone, book a hotel room for yourself, but are audacious enough to want a double bed!
  • As soon as you meet relatives or friends you’ve not seen for a while the first thing they want to know is if you’re ‘courting’ or ‘dating’ or ‘seeing anyone’ YET – The ‘YET’ hanging in the air like a pregnant pause, taunting you with a gnarly, pointed finger and a ”Hmmm… so what’s wrong with YOU?”
  • Every form of media seems to focus on the pursuit of love (coupling) and or the loss of it (heartbreak) and much like the propaganda around body image & size, there is the equivalent  range and quantity of propaganda around single-dom and being alone

Join a club…

skydiving-658404_1280

       You suggest…

Get yourself out…

Get a hobby…

All possible solutions yes, however they come from an assumption that it’s just getting out that will solve the problem. Hobbies are often expensive, so can club memberships and getting out can mean yes you’re outdoors or at an event, but again you had to call on the courage to do so alone.

Ironically, when you’re out alone you’re less likely to have people want to connect with you.

I’m not going to patronise those who are in this situation by making helpful but actually facile suggestions. You see, the matter isn’t often that those in a state of aloneness are anti-social, often this is far from the case.

Connection

I’m making the distinction between being alone (circumstantial, sometimes active, can be positive, or by choice) and Aloneness (a persistent, perpetual state that seeps back into your every day existence and is often Hand to holdunwanted and or more likely to occur over time if you are often physically alone).

You see, as I often assert, we are here for connection. This is why aloneness can affect even those within a relationship.

*Real connection is: Communication with another in which you feel recognised and heard. You feel that you, your thoughts and dreams, opinions and efforts matter to someone.

When ‘Connection’ takes place, those with whom you connect support you, no matter the distance, no matter the crisis or triumph, Those who ‘connect’ with you don’t do so out of duty or out of a passive aggressive ‘surface’ support or love; (when really they doing little to support you or are actively sabotaging you through comments and actions).

hand-782688_1280When you ‘connect’ your emotional and spiritual energies are nourished and nurtured by the meaningful interactions you have.

If this type of communication is taking place, even just occasionally, then being ‘alone’ is a walk in the park and why you now see that ‘getting out,’ or ‘getting a hobby,’ will not necessarily cure the ‘aloneness’ state of being.

Interaction Vs. Connection

kid-165253_150When we’re involved in social activity, there’s a limit to the ‘depth’ a conversation or interaction will take. So though a person has a hobby, or is active in the community or has joined a club these can actually exacerbate the situation.

When you are out and connecting on a superficial albeit enjoyable level with others and I would not recommend a person does NOT do these things; once you return to the silence and just the gentle pulse of your own breathing it serves to highlight, in stark contrast…

‘Yes’ you Interacted,

but ‘NO’ you didn’t truly Connect!

*(See previous paragraph for my definition.)

globe-304586_150So what’s to do?

My suggestion is make the effort…

We can all recognise a that person who has an air of aloneness about them and if you don’t recognise that about the, but know they live alone (and so there’s the potential for aloneness to be a state they’re in) then instead of stepping away (coz they’re a real ‘saddo’ and you don’t want to be associated with them), step towards them!

Would it really take so much from you to just give someone an hour of your time?

Would it be such a hardship to try truly listening to the next person you speak to, so they come away feeling filled up and included as a member of the human race again?

Would it be such a challenge to open your heart?

So for today and the weeks ahead practise

CONNECTION!

girls-344334_150

Speak with your heart open

Listen with your heart open

Connect with another…

Heart to heart…

You may just be the one thing, the one interaction that shifts their feelings from

‘What’s the point? to ‘I have a purpose’

and in so doing you may just….

love-278579_150

SAVE A LIFE!

A chance to connect…

A chance to support.

Help the Angel Help you.

This is a select and intimate workshop to help you move int he direction you want for your future work or home or career…or just a space to breathe and take stock

Book you Tickets NOW – Only 28 places available

 

 

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

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The Question

Happy Sunday all,

leave-364178_1280It was Friday morning 8.50am; the first teaching period of the day. Another one of those sessions where I basically talk about life with the small group of pupils I have recently been assigned. We are fast approaching the end of the summer term. These 15/16 year olds will be on study leave in a week. They’re perched on the edge of a ledge called ‘life’ about to step off into their futures…

College, sixth form studies, work, apprenticeships and I felt, rightly so that there would be among them, some confusion and much trepidation.

For eleven years they have had the surety and comfort that the rules and systems of schooling bring. They’re institutionalised and now were being released into the world expected to know how to navigate life’s seas and steer their own ship. So, I asked told them I would not decide the topic of discussion that day, they would and that they could ask me ANYTHING…If I could answer it I would.

Well, I set myself up didn’t I?

One boy looked at me dolefully and came out with a whopper!

smiley-150663_1280The Question of all Questions

He said: ‘What are we supposed to do?

I could see the confusion and underlying fear in his eyes and knew my response to the question needed to assuage his fear, but create enthusiasm at the same time. But most of all I knew I needed honesty in response to the question because they he/ were trusting me to  prepare them for what lay beyond those school gates.

How does one respond to: THE QUESTION?

I responded adequately enough I thought.

There is so much more I could have said, but at the time with the need for spontaneity, this was the best I could do:

I told him we are here to learn…

We are here to use our feelings to show us what is right for us in this life; that their life is THEIRS and theirs alone and they know what’s best for them and who they choose to be.

The plea

blue-lotus-215460_150I pleaded with them to respect their own life, their own choices and in so doing understand that as they have the right to choose, so do others. I made it clear that regardless of the desires of those, who honestly DO think they have our best interests at heart, that they are here to decide for themselves. I told him that life is…in every moment a choice. And it is through the choices we make; it is in the way we respond to others, to situations, and events that we decide and discover, define and refine who we are in life.

I told him that they should go out and ‘Grasp Life,’ rush in full on; that there would be times of fear, but fear often meant they are being expanded and to not shy away from the new.

The Diamond – An analogy

I often use this to illustrate what life is when talking to young people. I find messages have more impact if they are

  1. Relateable and
  2. Create a vision

My diamond analogy goes like this:

Have you ever seen a diamond when it has just been extracted from the earth?

Well, it’s cloudy and of course dirty. There’s a lack of uniformity to its shape.

Something like this.

DiamondI explained that our expectations of the bright, shiny, faceted stones we have come to expect are as a result of ABRASION… the outcome of being chipped & chiselled, buffed & polished; that this abrasion takes time, but in the end we see the treasure.

I explained that in life, they would experience abrasion, they would be buffed and polished, chipped and chiselled, but that this would be necessary if they are to show the glistening, priceless gem of who they are which lies underneath. They got it! I hope you do too.

The great wrestle

lady-36446_150It is those situations which invoke fear, the ones they will have to wrestle with, the ones, which will make them feel they ‘Can’t’ which are the very ones which will ‘smooth them out.’ And they should always remember that they absolutely ‘CAN!’ if they believe it.

I made it quite clear that your ‘soul mate’ is one who challenges you and forces you to grow, to expand in the choices and decisions you are (sometimes forced) to make because they cause you to touch your ‘soul’ and decide who and what you are from a deep, albeit sometimes painful place.

It’s all worth it in the endfitness-332278_150

I clarified that life wouldn’t necessarily be easy, but if they remembered what I said and applied it, I guaranteed it would be worth it!

Life is a schoolroom.

We came to learn…

We come to make choices and

We come to create both ourselves as beings and the lives we choose.

Challenges, apologies and gifts…oh and a little fun!

I challenged them to take chances and as long as they did not cause pain, injury or upset to others, as long as they could ‘check in’ with themselves and know that what they were doing, in answer to the question and who they were being, was adding something positive to the world they would be doing just fine.

heart-63974_150I told them all they need be is themselves, make no apology for who they are and what they need and…

I told them they/we ALL have a gift, a gift to contribute to the world and their duty was to go out and discover what it was, that it may not bring fame or recognition, but it would undoubtedly bring happiness and to…

Bloody well have fun doing it!

I reminded them, that It’s fun and the joy it brings which is the compass that tells us we’re on exactly the right road…heading in exactly the right direction

Was it good for you too?

I could have said much more perhaps…but for now I hope today’s post creates many ‘Ah-ha’ moments.

margarite-74886_640If this resonates, then could you do me a favour.  Why not share it with a young person you know. They are excellent pretenders at age 15-20, but be assured many of them are unsure of their next step. It is our duty to prepare them, to be honest with them, to encourage them and to love them.

If this post articulates what you would like to say to your child, niece, nephew, grandchild, god-child, cousin, friend or neighbour then share it with them. Give them the gift of their own life…

Blissings and much love

Insightful Angel

 

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Commitment

Happy Sunday All,

Love-is-an-unconditional-commitment

You probably know that I write about the things I’ve learned on my journey and share with you because I hope that what I’ve learned will help you on your journey in some way.

What I choose to write about often comes instantly or there’s a theme that repeats itself in the conversations I have or overhear, or the information or articles I read.

As I went through my week one word kept re-appearing: ‘Commitment.’

It came up both a topic in my life but also in the conversations I have heard others having about their own. As I mused about the nature of the word and what it means it occurred to me that it’s a state we often say we’re prepared to enter into, but what does ‘Commitment’ really mean?

 The dictionary defines Commitment as:

  1. A willingness to give your time and energy to something that you believe in or a promise or firm decision to do something  OR
  2. Something that you must do or deal with that takes your time

When we commit to something or someone it means there is an expectation…

Commitment- After the mood has left youWhat you’re doing is making a promise, a promise to consistently and continuously spend energy. You’re saying that you believe in the project, or person or relationship and that you’re prepared to put in the time and the energy to see it through to the end; to realise the vision of the project, or relationship that you subscribed to.

How often though, do we commit in words and yet our actions fail to back them up?

 Commitment & Love:Commitment - Lincoln

With anything we want, whether it’s something we’d like to create, achieve or do means that invariably we create a vision beforehand. Most of us have an idea or an outcome in mind. Yet, more often than not we say we’re committed whilst in the feelings that go with creating the vision.

What we’re actually committing to is the feelings we’re experiencing whilst in the vision/creation stage, or else we’re committing to the feelings we anticipate we’ll feel once we achieve our desired outcome.

It’s pretty obvious that so many of us ignore the fact that we’re happy to sit in the space of Intention.’ The feel-good’ stage, but are less ready for the ‘focus’ and ‘plan of action’ needed to follow through and make our promises real?

I DO…Marriage - Commitment

Pledging a commitment is most identifiable in our society in the institution of marriage, yet our divorce statistics, show we are as likely to fail in this commitment as succeed, telling us clearly that even when we legalise and notarise our commitments and state them in front of those nearest and dearest to us, we are still not able to keep our commitments.

Why is this the case?

Imagine…city-563171_1280

Someone dear to you, you agree you love each other…in fact, you’ve said it to each other many times, you accept you are ‘committed’ to one another.

They know your favourite fruit is Pineapple and so they tell you they’re going to get up early the next day, go to the market and buy you the freshest, juiciest pineapple they can find and bring it to you because you mean something to them. Your relationship is important to them, they’re committed to you and your happiness and so they want to see you have the things you like and deserve.

Now imagine…

This very same person misses the first day. They wake up late and tell you not to worry they’ll go tomorrow. They’re just as enthusiastic, they intend to go, you mean so much to them and they really want to do this for you and show you how much they love you. You do know that they love you don’t you?

But the next day they sleep in too…and the next…and the next…and then they’ve got other things to do…other people to see…but they WILL do it, they just can’t right now.

There’s time…

Be patient…

But you know they love you… don’t you?

And so on

The Pineapple bringer:pineapple-382097_1280

They lack devotion to their promise, they’re unwilling to give time and energy to seeing their promise through, There’s a dis-connection between what they say they want and what they’re prepared to do to get it.

  • They lack Authenticity
  • Their commitment is simply ‘Lip service!’ without the focus and devotion to achieving the result.

 The Pineapple receiver:

pineapple-382097_1280Despite wanting desperately to continue to believe in the Pineapple bringer and to take them at their word; after countless disappointments they have to admit they are committed…The Pineapple bringer is not.

They have no choice…

They lose faith…

And eventually…

They stop believing…

 So which one are you?

What makes romantic love so wonderful is the intimacy it creates between you and your chosen partner. You feel valued, supported, accepted and embraced.

But Intimacy evokes a powerful mix of emotions. Intimacy brings you together, you feel empowered, you develop closeness and allow yourself to be vulnerable, but being vulnerable can mean you’re at the mercy of the whims, moods and opinions of the one you love.

Are you the Pineapple Giver

Whose dismissiveness (lack of time investment) i.e. rejection & inability to devote your time and energy to the promise you made creates deep-rooted hurt?

Do you criticise, become defensive or attack when your partner (nervously) reminds you of the promise you made, or do you retreat, emotionally withdraw or simply ‘check out,’ invalidating and rejecting your partner creating deep, painful wounds?

Or are you the Pineapple Receiver

Who decided in the beginning that you were prepared to find the time, energy & and devotion. That you will carry out the plan and achieve the outcome you both seemed to want. Whose consistent and persistent disappointment & rejection (no time investment, needs negated or dismissed – other things/people always come first), has made you so unhappy and so tired you can no longer be ‘patient.’ And you wonder if your patience is actually voluntary slavery in disguise.

Or are you enduring an unhappy state, not ready to give up just yet, your commitment blindly causing you to cling to something that’s dead out of a commitment now, not to the relationship, but to ‘how it looks’ or because you’re ‘used to it.’ And it’s less scary than what you see as the alternative or to ‘the children?’

Choose to…

its-your-choiceWhatever state you’re in, whichever one you are…you know and deep down you know that nothing changes unless you make a choice.

  • Choose to – Commit to the process of your relationship?
  • Choose today, to commit to the promises you made when you uttered those three little words
  • Imagine if we committed to working on and devoting ourselves to maintaining our levels of emotional intimacy as well as and learning what it is we had to do to support that process?
  • Choose to – Prioritise your intimate relationship by actually valuing the relationship over the less important things that we use as an excuse to delay or allow to get in the way?
  • Choose to – Make time to spend private time together, re-acquaint yourself with one another regularly
  • Choose to – Listen to and support each others’ needs. Try not to reject when your partner needs/wants to talk to you, assuming the worst or that it will inevitably be a confrontational exchange. Sometimes all we need is for the person who means the most to us to just listen.
  • Choose to – Change your thoughts instead of seeing the feelings and outcomes as the goal, remember it’s the devotion to the process that’s where the joy is found.
  • Choose to – Change your life to one in which you focus on the quality of experience and the flow of life
  • Choose to change if you know that your Joy is elsewhere. If it’s obvious that your commitment is futile as the ‘other’ has left the building… It is you and you alone who can free yourself to find it.

Be authentic!

2014-07-19 18.27.07The next time you are on the verge of saying something to another person, your boss, yourself that means you’re making a promise or commitment remember what it is you’re doing…Remember that it means to ‘Give time,’ to Give energy’ and make that promise only if you’re prepared to focus on the consistent action and devotion that your ‘promise’ will need to create your vision.

If you don’t want to do the work, then out of respect…

Leave well alone!

 Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Trust the Process – “Let it go…”

Happy Sunday All,

“Let it go…the cold never bothered me anyway!”

Is The Greatest Disney song ever!

It’s official.

winter-343565_1280Now usually I’m very sceptical of Disney and the thinly disguised misogyny and sexism that ooze like a caramel centre through many of their fairy-tale offerings; missives that entice & mesmerise children and adults alike.

And who can blame us?

They are pretty irresistible.

I haven’t been infected by “Frozenmania” yet. Perhaps because my children are now grown up, maybe I’ve just become more cynical in my middle years? However, as I caught the tail end of ‘Disney’s greatest songs ever’ It occurred to me that the film is a powerful metaphor.

A metaphor for finding our personal truth and accepting ourselves;

Exactly as we are

Fearlessly…

Unapologetically…

Authentically.

baby-71614_1280Into hiding…

After she accidentally hurts her sister, Elsa is made to believe (by fearful parents and advisors), that she should fear herself:

“Conceal it don’t feel it…don’t let it show.” Is what they say to her.

How many of us have been the recipients of such advice and all too often when we are very young. Told overtly and subtly that we are not OK. Often the very thing that is our essence and our passion is the one thing we are good-naturedly advised to contain or ‘not let show’

  • It could be we are kind-hearted – we’re told we’re too soft, the world is ‘just not like that!
  • It could be we are communicators – we are told to be quiet… we talk too much!
  • It could be that we’re great visionaries – we’re told to be sensible… how can YOU do that…people like us…

I think you get the picture.

The very qualities that make Elsa who she is and are actually her gifts, the authentic face that she should be unafraid to show to the world, the talents she should be able to nurture, express and to lovingly present proudly to the world, she is instead made to fear.

“Fear is your greatest enemy.”

self-doubt-424968_1280Never a truer word spoken, but all too often, just like poor Elsa it is the fear of others and their potential criticism that we fear. That very fear then causes insecurity and tension and in this state of tension that Elsa accidentally hurts the one person she loves most… her sister.

Her not knowing how to relax into herself and be confident hurts her too. As a result, she believes she has to give up the one person who loves & accepts her unconditionally.

She now thinks she is evil… thinks that what is natural to her is odious to everyone else and decides she has no choice but to hide away.

This fear has now become a belief.

But, it is her fear of herself that creates the problem for our princess. Her fear of ‘letting go,’ and allowing her nature to show itself that Disney shows us is the path to destruction.

The past is the past… Are you still hiding?

Are you one of the many who still hold vivid images or visions of what you are or want for your life yet are still too afraid of ‘opinion.’ Or too used to ‘hiding’ that you are in a constant state of unease…as if the life you’re in doesn’t QUITE fit…like a gift box that’s just a tad small, you know you squeezed yourself into one or two of the corners and there’s just a pinch

let-go-594531_1280In hiding however, Elsa is able to relax. She finds the space to accept herself; she finds the courage to step into her truth.…albeit a space that she believes she has to be alone in (see she is still fearful that she will not be accepted by others especially now she is OWNING her truth), but when she announces…

“I’m never going back, the past is in the past… Let it go, Let it go and I’ll rise like the break of dawn.” –

Boy does she rise…She is transformed.

She emerges beautiful…fully realised strutting her stuff in all her power and all in a cracking Crystal frock too!

Elsa-Frozen

This is perhaps the greatest lesson of all: the lesson that whatever happened, whomever we thought we were, whatever actions we took before this very moment live permanently in the past. There is no changing them, so accept them and learn for them so you make choices that are more fitting with the new YOU…

“Where your focus goes grows!”

Those who know me know I say this often. The point is if we are constantly focused on the past we stand still.

2014-08-24 08.43.36The past is retrospective, there is no forward motion when we look behind. You also tend to walk into lampposts if you’re looking behind yourself which leads cuts and bruises!

When we focus on the past we fail over and over again to let go of the very things we say we want to be rid of because guess what? We’re focusing on the very things we don’t want, the very things we should leave exactly where they live – in the past.

Instead of a forward motion our focus is on the things that went wrong, the things that we no longer have, so we are creating a perpetual state of things we don’t have, things we don’t want.

“Alone…where I can be who I am without hurting anybody.”umbrella-170962_150

So, she’s unapologetic…she’s found her voice and is strutting her stuff. Perhaps you too have found your voice and like Elsa you’ve got your Mojo working, but our princess still has a challenge.

It’s easy to think that once we have discovered who we are that this new you can only survive in a space ‘away’ form all that we knew, that we have to hide or run away to find acceptance of this ‘true self’ and to think that perhaps those who knew us as we were will be unable to accept the NEW us, and reject us.

Courage: Make no apologybear-656435_1280

My question is: Why should we care?

I mean seriously!

True courage is found the moment you stop apologising.

It’s only when Elsa Fully accepts herself and makes no apology whatsoever for who she is, to ANYONE, when she accepts and embraces her talents regardless of the opinions of others, allows her gifts and the beauty in them into the light and among others, including those who were a part of the world where she learnt to ‘not let it show,’ that she is at her most alluring, her most captivating, her most powerful and receives the most love.

And guess what? Don’t those gifts end up being a wonderful support to the community that she thought would reject her!

maple-leaf-638022_1280Take a leaf…

We would do well to enthusiastically rip a leaf form the book of Elsa and ‘Step up, Step out and Stand tall!’ put on your own Crystal frock and ‘Work it!’

You see when we learn to breathe and truly ‘settle’ into the truth of who are. When we find the courage to accept our path then we ARE transformed and we wonder why we restricted our thinking, our actions and shielded others from our talents in the first place.

When you find the courage to be you… regardless of family, friends, the ‘shoulds’ and the ‘ought tos’ and you allow yourself to be the YOU you came here to be that’s when the magic happens.

When you find yourself allowing it’s as if you’re on a conveyor and all the struggle and stress seems to dissipate as the people and opportunities you need seem to just show up!

Just like a Disney movie, your life too will seem as if it’s rolling itself out to the final thrill of YOUR OWN

Happy Ending!

 Blissings and Much Love

Insightful Angel 

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When things fall apart

Happy Sunday,

Yesterday I broke.

self-doubt-424968_1280I literally fell apart. I was in bits…I crashed to the floor into a million shiny pieces and had no idea how to glue myself back together.

“Things fall apart” is a book by Chinua Achebe and concerns the issues face by a controlling, dominant man who has a strict idea of what it means to be a man. The reality is he has no control over anything save his own words and actions. The lesson I took from that is that in life one has to yield…When we are rigid and insist we know it all life more than often throws you a curve ball just as a reminder.  The only thing you can do in that instance is decide:

‘WHO’ do I choose to be in response to this event/situation, who am I going to be right now?’

I am undone…

mourning-360500_150I had been given some devastating news, news which sent me into a tailspin, news which changed what I knew as truth and turned it upside down. It kicked me HARD in the gut. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t DO anything. I knew this could be the undoing of me and I had no idea how to hold myself together.

I was numb…

I felt if I moved or thought, or anything I would never be able to recover myself and after all the things I’ve had to pick myself up from this was the one that would be the undoing of me.

I did nothing…Literally nothing.

Then the stillness came

bank-340779_150So I was just still…No blinking, I don’t recall any breathing (though there must have been some as I’m still here) I clenched and held on tight. There were no tears, no noise, no emotion, no thought whatsoever and I was terrified. I have never been in a space of absolutely no reaction whatsoever before, but I knew there was nothing else.

My mind and body took over.

For nearly three hours I was like this…fortunately I had received the devastating news at precisely 3.25am (funny how you recall minute detail in a crisis) It’s as if everything becomes heightened and you’re sharper in a weird, floaty, other-worldy kind of way.

At 6.15am my mind kicked in and reminded me from somewhere in my subconscious that I have day two of a fantastic Coaching Training course to attend and I needed to DO SOMETHING!

Autopilot

portrait-317041_640I don’t really recall getting ready, I must have drifted in and out of…not consciousness, but more an awareness of reality as my next memory was walking into the city centre to the hotel where the event was being held. As I walked I heard a voice inside, a voice which obviously had some fight in her… a determined self-preservation saying…

‘Come on! don’t break, Step towards your life…you have a life to live!’

It was like a mantra and propelled me towards the hotel. I was still holding on all the way, the tension was there. Before I knew it I was at the entrance and jolted back into reality. When I saw my new-found friends from the programme a part of me felt as if it had come back to itself. I did the usual exchanging of pleasantries and began to feel a little better.

But I was still holding…

The pressure was building, but if there’s one thing I am good at it’s pushing those feelings down and not letting them control me…I’ve had a lot of practise when it comes to picking myself up and getting on with it! It’s a challenging path…It’s a lonely one, there have been times when I really didn’t think I could make it one more day, times when I  have been spent and had no idea how or where to find the courage and strength to do what I had to…

I have been deep, but usually there’s no-one there and so I learnt to ‘get on with it,’ and break down in private. Little did I know the universe would take me even deeper and expose me. My worst night mare come true.

There was a huge knot in my gut…and a constriction of my throat. I knew It would be impossible for me to eat.

Vesuvius! – Explode…Expose…Exhalevolcanic-eruption-67668_1280

The room was warm.

It got warmer and warmer, the facilitator was explaining the first task. My mind was grateful. Good I get to practise my coaching and get some feedback. And then it happened. The dam broke!

Overwhelm followed. The feelings I had repressed all morning, the control I’d wrestled to keep a hold of weakened…I weakened and the flood commenced.

I held my nose, I gritted my teeth, I clenched my fists and nothing was able to get me back to my equilibrium. I had not choice but to just let it out. I had to leave the room. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I’d let myself down. I’m supposed to be able to deal with anything. I’m the ‘strong one! for god’s sake!’

The wonderful Claire, who was sitting opposite me and who was my partner in the exercise followed me outside and did…

NOTHING!

It was just what I needed her to do…

Surrendersad-girl-236769_150

In that moment I gave in…

I surrendered.

I surrendered to the agony and the pain and the loss and when all I could do was sob and mourn and wail and sob some more and shake and cry, I learnt several lessons in that moment:

  1. My/our feelings are nothing I need to feel ashamed of.
  2. They’re mine/ours and they’re OK
  3. They are there to guide us and they are there to support our spiritual and emotional health. It’s OK to feel… It’s OK to let the flow happen.
  4. When I dive into my feelings…really let myself be immersed in them I come through the other side lighter and wiser and freer. There’s less tension and a greater acceptance.
  5. When things fall apart…wail, cry, scream and then just breathe
  6. I’m not perfect and I don’t have to be…the only person that expects that of me…IS ME!

(What the hell would perfection look like anyway?…We’re always learning always expanding). When has there been a day when we did not learn something new about ourselves or the world in general or about another?

Most importantly, I learnt that we are LOVE. 

In what way can you be love today? Be it…Show it…You may just save someone’s life.

Love is…

beach-193786_150Our instinct is to reach out, to support and to love. I’ve always believed that, yet it can seem today, with all the horrible things occurring in our modern world and how often the needs of others are ignored, that that’s not the case. I have often doubted it myself, chastising myself for being believing this and being so naïve and telling myself to ‘Get real,’ or ‘Grow up.’  

The only time we reject and hurt and decry and break down and slander and try to own others or keep them with us, is when we are afraid within ourselves, it’s out of a desire to maintain OUR comfort. Afraid of how we’ll be seen in comparison or afraid of the unknown because we’ve never navigate this emotional or physical territory before or else afraid we’re getting close to revealing our insecurity or our hidden thoughts about ourselves and we’ll be rejected.

Many of us are prepared to fight to the death to keep up a situation that is miserable because it’s familiar. Even if others who we profess to love, get hurt in the process. If love is showing up in this way, that’s not love.

That’s fear, possession, greed, selfishness, it’s insecurity it’s NEEDINESS

That’s most definitely NOT love.

Love is and will always be a ‘Giving’ emotion. It can take no other form. If it feels any different, then some other desire or need is driving its expression

My newfound friends created a loving space for me to just be.

They did not judge me, they did not question me or quiz me. They simply let me express whatever It was I needed to in that moment. They exhibited pure acceptance and love and in so doing allowed me to love and accept myself that bit more.

The timing was uncanny: And so I had another confirmation of a long-held belief of mine:

Divinity…

  • The universe is divine wisdom.
  • We are a part of that wisdom
  • It works through and for ALL of us

thank-you-140227_640Without the support I received yesterday I truly think I could honestly have been a ‘bit of a basket case!’

The universe knew that when I received my news I would need support and as I live alone it’s rather uncanny isn’t it, that I was on a training programme with exactly the kinds of people I would need to get me through the emotions I experienced.

Synchronicity…Kismet… Co-incidence. Call it what you will. We have all had such incidents in our lives. They’re evidence of the support the universe puts in place when we need it and YES that includes you!

Perhaps it’s a fleeting introduction to or meeting with someone who is doing, being, having a career or lifestyle you have dreams of, perhaps it’s someone who through your interaction creates a feeling of the support, accomplishment, love and happiness you are aching for?

‘When the student is ready the master appears!’

2014-06-22 11.18.54We are given samples, given brief glimpses of what our soul knows is right for us, so that we allow go after it and muster enough courage and self-love to step into what we know in our hearts we truly deserve.

Every moment of our lives we should feel grateful, blessed and In love.

With ourselves, our lives and (if you have a significant other) with our partners and children. If you don’t.

Make the change…

Be vulnerable and brave

Follow your feelings…

Therein lies the source of your happiness.

Blessings and much love

Insightful Angel 

 

 

 

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In search of Joy?

Hello there, How are you this Happy Sunday?

In this conversation I’d like us to consider how we can live, as I firmly believe we are here to live life, which is fully, completely, whole-heartedly and in Joy and NOT as drudges or in a perpetual state of tiredness making do, putting up with, accepting and OR running, running and running, to  feel as if we’re going no-where; wondering ‘is this all there is?’

The dictionary defines ‘Comfort.’ as:

  • 1. A state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint.
  • 2. consolation for grief or anxiety.
  • 3. Verb to feel less unhappy

Whereas ‘Joy’ is defined as:

  • 1. A feeling of great pleasure and happiness.
  • 2. Success or satisfaction
  • Synonyms cited are words such as; bliss delight, ecstasy, euphoria, rapture

Which do you choose?

right-238369_150Looking at both of these definitions, I know which one I would prefer to experience. How often though do we opt for the former state repressing and containing our joy ‘just in case,’ so we’re not too disappointed should our success/love/ambition be snatched away or worse still we fail?

On an episode of Oprah Winfrey’s ‘Super Soul Sunday,’ Dr Brené Brown discusses her *4 guideline for wholehearted living, which she says is:

  • ‘The cultivation of Gratitude and Joy.’
  • Letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark

‘When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, Joy becomes foreboding.’

Brené continues this means:

I’m not going to feel you, I’m not going to soften into this moment of joy, because I’m scared. I’m afraid it’s going to be taken away from me.’ 

 

I recognise this scenario only too well myself.

fear-299679_640The fearful ‘What if?’

The younger version of me was a very contained person. I rarely cried. I had learnt early on to repress emotions, especially the ones which contained feelings of joy. In doing so I would never be disappointed. If I didn’t expect much than I wouldn’t suffer agony of not achieving/having my heart’s desire.

I was well practised at minimising the ‘joy’ and opted instead for the familiarity and less threatening ‘comfortable.’ Feeling joy is inherently dangerous.

These feelings are, more often than not followed by the thought that something ‘bad’ or unsavoury is just around the corner because it all feels just a little ‘TOO’ good and I know you know what I’m talking about!

Every so often we’ll do a little mental inventory of where we’re at.

Once we work our way down the tick-list and slowly realise that things are going good… not only that, things are good in all areas; work, home, parents, friends, financial etc…we begin to assume that it can’t ALL be this good and something bad is lurking just around the corner.

I’ve heard it from friends, family members and colleagues many times… ‘It won’t last…’ ‘Yeah I’m good… something’s bound to go wrong!’ and although we may say it ‘tongue in cheek’…somewhere deep down we believe it.

Without Vulnerability there can be no Joy

self-doubt-424968_1280At this point in my life I can honestly confess to you that I am living in JOY.

It’s amazing!

It’s where everyone should living

Not a day goes by without someone telling me how wonderful I look and that is because of the joy which simply oozes out from within me. It is a better state to be in than the ‘comfortable’ state of being in which I refused to feel, to express, to be too big, to dare too greatly incase it was all snatched away and I would be left bereft.

 

Opening up to JOY makes you VULNERABLE

Roller-Coaster OR Merry-GO-Round?

roundabout-57858_150The former choice is to choose the ‘Merry-go-Round’ of life. There’s some movement, but after a few times round you kind of get to know what’s coming up next. You’ve been here before, you can handle this, you’re armed and ready. No surprises!

The alternative is the Roller Coaster…It scares the S**t out of you, you don’t know if you’ll survive it…the intensity of it…it’s not safe, what if you fall off? So many uncertainties to counter. ride-61624_1280

But…let me tell you how wonderful it is to bite the bullet and ride that damned roller-coaster!

Yes! All the aforementioned fears are credible, but if you’ve every ridden a roller-coaster you know the thrill, the feeling of being alive that you experience. Every fibre of your being, every nerve ending, every sense is sharp and alert.

Expanded…more alert…more alive!

You feel expanded and fearful, yet strangely fearless at the same time. You’re out of control and vulnerable, stripped back and laid bare, much like the feelings you experience when making love…didn’t our dictionary offer up the synonyms ‘rapture,’ and ‘ecstasy?’

In that moment you can do nothing but surrender to the experience because whether in that moment you live or die is no longer in your control!human-329851_150

When we surrender…When we submit to vulnerability we expand

On reflection you realise you’ve expanded your being somehow. You’re somehow bigger, brighter!

You’re no longer shrunken and you can’t go back.

In fact the immediate want once you’ve jumped off a roller-caster is often to jump straight back on and experience it all over again because your realise the next time you will fully commit to FEELING the joy in what you’re doing.  You realise that the first time there was still some fear and a part of you was holding back.

Red pill or blue…which will you choose?

So this week…I’m challenging you (and myself) to be vulnerable. To allow yourself to climb onto the roller-coaster and go for the ride of your life!

Expose yourself…reveal… who you are…dare to submit and if you can do this alongside cultivating feelings of gratitude I guarantee you will not regret it.

Is there something you want to do or achieve that scares you? Great! make a change and take a step towards it. You’re scared for all the reasons I stated above, but be assured stepping into it will catapult you into such a feeling of joy and gratitude and expansion you will never want to ride the merry-go-round again.

I confess…

sad-girl-236769_150This week I realised a great fear I have had all my life…so here and now I will expose myself to you my readers, supporters and friends. If I am to support others on their journey I need to fully immerse myself in the principles I say I hold dear and so I’m allowing myself to be vulnerable and share with you my vision.

It’s one which scares me.

It feels arrogant and reminds me of all those times when asked as a child, ‘Who do you think you are?’ or as an adult accused (more than once) of thinking I am ‘better than everyone else!’

I forced myself to create a mission statement for my Personal Development and Coaching business this week and as I looked at the words I’d written in pink ink, I felt a tremendous fear rise and that familiar voice inside said ‘WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?’

So here in pink…I am declaring the me I am choose to be in this world: I declare that I aim to be:

“The Spark that ignites the power and potentiality in others.

To stand bathed in, fully immersed in my magnificence, power and abundance

and to always support others to do the same.”

The Challenge

Sure there are no guarantees…accessing your joy doesn’t mean life’s trials suddenly melt away, but boy are you more ready and capable of dealing with them and you’ll find you’ll come through stronger and more expanded…rock-climbing-403488_1280

A bigger, better version of you…

A version you accept and love…

The version of  you, you were always meant to be.

 

Blessings & much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

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