Tag Archives: Self-Acceptance

The Shadow

Happy Sunday All

I discovered something about myself recently that I’m not sure I’m very proud of, But I felt the insight was worthy of sharing. I discovered the shadow in me. It peeked out of my bag and I, though fearful, allowed it out to play.

We all have one or two qualities that we know need some work, however to suddenly discover my shadow, let it out of my bag of ‘secrets’ and REALLY look at it was quite unnerving, but I was determined.

The Shadow

black-and-white-1282260_1280 (The Shadow – a trait or aspect of your personality that you repress or hide, for fear of criticism; a quality you are afraid to show & one which subconsciously prevents you living more expanded and joyfully).

Discovering this particular shadow, one I had suspected was there in moments when it peeked out of the bag, sent me off balance a little.

The term ‘Shadow’ was first used by Carl Jung to describe the repressed or denied part of the self. You see when we’re born, we use express with abandon and without censorship: All of our feelings and moods and quirks and foibles, without censorship or compunction, But we quickly come to learn that sometimes the way we express or parts of our personality are not valued or accepted by the people around us (and usually closest to us).

Recipe for creating The Shadow

Perhaps you were ridiculed and our opinion not taken seriously, or maybe you were shamed when upset and called names or your upset & pain ignored; perhaps you weren’t allowed to express your pride when you achieved something, perhaps you were criticised instead? There are may reactions to our words, deeds and behaviours that cause us to see them as ‘undesirable.’

Once we realise this part of us or this behaviour is not accepted, we decide to squirrel it away. We begin to repress it; hide those traits and qualities we see as shameful or undesirable, we learn to hide away the anything that caused us pain as a result of it being shown.

Hidden but not forgotten

hiding-1209131_1280Though we ‘squirrel’ these feelings away, somewhere in our psyche we still carry them with us. It’s as though we put a sack or our backs and continue to ‘lug’ these parts we are afraid to show, the denied parts, the parts we feel we need to repress around with us.

Every time you deny yourself their expression another is added to the bag, and another and another, until the bag becomes so heavy so burdensome we can become ill. Hopefully we become so angry or so tired of bending ourselves into a pretzel to suit whoever and whatever, your inner spirit finally shouts: ‘ENOUGH!’

woman-1043030_1280The shadow can be positive or negative.

  • Positive: You develop a positive habit in order to gain approval you may develop a habit which garners approval from those around you, but one which is not allowing you to be your ‘authentic self.’ Even though seen as positive, it is still a ‘shadow’ trait if it means you deny or repress what would be a natural response or behaviour for you. If you feel you’re somehow ‘holding back’ a natural part of yourself.
  • Negative: You are constantly straining to hide an undesirable ‘shadow’ trait that you’d prefer others didn’t see because you’re unconfident about it or feel others will see you negatively because of it.

Consequences

Developing another way of behaving to avoid slipping into the behaviours you know others around you do not approve of (more often than not the criticism comes from a place of insecurity or jealousy on their part), is exhausting and damaging to the psyche and the emotions. Constantly hiding or denying a part of yourself is eventually going to cause you pain, but as a child, when you were disapproved of or criticised you didn’t understand that, did you?

My Shadow Revealed

I Am a People Pleaser

…even as I write it I wince! I feel a bit of a fraud

affirmations-441457_1280

But, I know one thing, I want it exorcised and out of my bag!

This realisation didn’t come to me in a flash I had to dig for it.

It all started a few weeks ago ( I wrote this post several weeks ago, but was too afraid to post it – My shadow again!) when one of my blogs was selected to be the ‘Blog of the day’ for the ‘Wellness Universe; a forum and platform for Wellness Professionals and people like me who just want to do our bit to make the world a better place.

I was rightly proud, so I posted the link on Facebook, but three words I used in the intro to the post really seemed at odds and evoked an emotional response in me.

They were: ‘It’s no biggie’

I realised that I always DO that, but why?

sad-girl-236769_150

I downplay my achievements and ‘play small.’ I strive to always DO THE RIGHT THING’ that way I will always win approval.

Yet my vision for my life, my future & me is to be HUGE. I know I have so much to give the world and my mission is to help others discover and show their light; to help them blind you with their brilliance and learn how to shine without excuse and to know how to do so much sooner than I.

Not too loudly, Not too bright, Not too high,

light-1375158_1280It’s not people pleasing in an obsequious or arrogant way you understand, (well, I hope not!) but in a way that I fly just under the radar and do not shine too brightly; a way that means I don’t not sing too sweetly, so others criticise or chastise, so it draws too much attention. For those of you that know me, you may well be surprised, as I’m not exactly known to be a shrinking violet, but there IS MORE!

Yet, how can I hope to fully realise my ambition to be a fully realised and authentic hue-man, How will I meet my ambition to help others be the same, if I am still NOT truly open, still not truly Stepping into my light?

I pondered this for some days and discovered my ‘why’ and my ‘how.’

Starting again, and again and again

I became a people pleaser so I didn’t feel the hurt anymore; so I didn’t feel the pain of the criticism, the ridicule and the disapproval, but it also meant I didn’t ever meet my potential in anything. I did just enough for people to recognise I have talent and I was always promoted, but I never really Pushed through into the stratosphere of true success.

Just as I would grow wings and would really begin to fly, I would change direction or I’d be made redundant and make myself start again, from the bottom up.

Where did this come from:

As young children perhaps you were not allowed to celebrate your successes, I wasn’t…

shame-799095_1280

If we’re not given the chance to feel joy, not even the joy of just being ourselves as I was; or you’re expected to play the ‘big sister/brother’ role and always to:

  • Be sensible
  • Set the example
  • Know better
  • Do as you’re told
  • Not know too much
  • Speak when spoken to
  • Calm down (usually when we’re particularly happy)
  • Be quiet
  • Sit still
  • Don’t answer back
  • Respect your elders (which usually meant do what they say even if they’re wrong or are hurting you in some way)

Then somewhere in your subconscious you may have decided to play small.

I did…

  1. Because when I play small no-one gets hurt
  2. When I downplay my successes I don’t appear arrogant or ‘big-headed’
  3. When I play small I seem humble and self-effacing
  4. When I play small I’m less threatening
  5. When I play small I’m not criticised
  6. When I play small others approve of me (who doesn’t want their family and friends to look at them and be proud?)
  7. When I play small no-one has to explain my behaviour or make excuses for me
  8. When I play small society accepts me

I’m sure you get the picture

Enough, enough, enough, Enough!

cat-564202_1280I’d had ENOUGH I want to be fully realise, fully functioning, fully aware of & loving of myself; the whole 360’ of me.

By bringing our shadow into the light (that may simply be a share with one or two close friends or family or a wider more exposed announcement) we’re being the bravest version of ourselves we can be.

  • What qualities are you hiding?
  • What talents are you containing?
  • What feelings are you protecting out of fear?

When you expose your soft underbelly as well as hold yourself accountable for ALL that you are you are no longer afraid.

question-1301144_1280There is no criticism or that can hurt you, no ridicule or disapproval that causes you to wince, because they’re not revealing anything you don’t already know and recognise about you and guess what?

You’re working on it…

that’s the very best you can Do…

And that’s OK…

 Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

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The Waiting Room

Happy Sunday All

buddha-709861_1280This morning as I meditated I asked for guidance about what I should share with you today, what came up was to share with you why I’m in the place I’m in…

You see, I find myself in a place or space in my life I call ‘The Waiting Room.’ I’m unable to work and I have to be still (but… I have so much to DO!)

We all know this place and I’m guessing most of us have been here, perhaps several times. This is a place where, when you’re in it you feel agitated and impatient.

The Waiting Room

girl-843076_1280The Waiting Room space feels like the expectation you have when you’ve handed in your notice and you’re waiting to go to the next job, but you’ve still got two weeks to go and you’ve pretty much handed over your responsibilities…

You’re treading water, as you see it and nothing much is happening. You’re impatient for the next phase of your career to start and you’re agitated.

It’s a similar feeling to when you’re in the last 3 weeks of pregnancy, your ankles are swollen, you’re tired and you ‘JUST WANT THE THING OUT!’ but that little blissing is still cooking and in fact these last few weeks are THE most important part of the process, for it is here that the little mite packs in the calories and packs on the bulk, so that s/he is strong enough to cope with being born.

OR…

Perhaps it’s a big contract and the ink hasn’t yet dried on it yet…you need to know the details, so you can co-ordinate the right team and ‘get stuck in,’ but you can’t get ahead of yourself just yet.

So, it is with The Waiting Room

This is a space of preparation, but most of us fail to recognise this and can react to it with frustration, impatience, upset maybe even anger.

No…No…No… No… No people!

Sad-Face

Journeys, waiting & frustrations

rue-d-anglais-238513_1280Now, I’m pretty certain most of us have been on a journey of some sort. I mean an actual train/bus/sea/plane journey. Journeys are synonymous with waiting, waiting and more waiting and if we’re not waiting we’re queuing. If you recall a time when you’ve been in a waiting room, you may recall some quite distinctive behaviour as you watch the others waiting alongside you.

  1. Some pace backwards and forwards as if this action alone will make the train/bus etc. arrive sooner
  2. Another is cross and mumbling about having to wait and how shoddy the systems are
  3. Another sits focused on the potential for missing the said bus/train and then because they’re so focused on NOT missing it they’re tense and agitated
  4. Another has left it to the last-minute and comes charging in minutes before the train is about to pull out creating a lot of bluster and noise as they do so and bumping into the poor old lady who needs time to get from the platform and mount the steps into the carriage

Another way?

its-your-choiceWhen our life’s journey places us in The Waiting Room, we could choose to react differently. We could do what the fifth person chooses to and that is… to choose to accept.

This is the person who sits calmly reading or simply daydreaming. They see The Waiting Room as a divine opportunity to catch a hold of themself and appreciate where they’ve been; a valuable transitory time to reflect and be excited about where they’re going.

You see, The Waiting Room is the place where you’re on the verge of something new. It’s a space in which another aspect of you or another chapter of your life is teetering and preparing to emerge. Yes PREPARING.  

The Earth is being dug up, the soil tilled and the furrows ploughed. The best possible conditions are being prepared for you so you can sow fresh seeds and for them to take firm root, germinate and grown into a ripe future.

Acceptance

spiral-1000771_1280When we allow ourselves to accept that the Waiting Room is where we are and love it as much at the exciting times of change we are on the path to accepting the more challenging times we are sure to meet too (the polishing you up times).

Acceptance is one of the Major Keys to YOUR joy and happiness

  • When you accept whatever comes you’ll be better more able to deal with wherever you are and whatever comes up for you.
  • Acceptance means you allow yourself to slow down and take stock, evaluate and get a clearer perspective of who you are, what you want, where you really want to go and how.
  • The more you practice acceptance of your situation, the more you accept the situations and situations of others.
  • In this way you come to accept yourself and all that you are too.
  • You recognise your talents and gifts and become awed by the knowledge that there is only one YOU, only ever will be this version of YOU EVER!

    And that is a wondrous thing…

There …my dear friend lays the path to your bliss.

 

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

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Valentine

Happy Sunday All,

Valentine’s Day…

valentines-day-1182246_1280This year, Valentine’s day falls on the same day as the Chinese New Year, It’s the anniversary of the George Ferris’s 157th birthday, it’s also the day a famous massacre took place in 1929. In 1945, just after midnight the German city of Dresden was bombed and finally the saint after which the festival is named, ST. Valentine, was executed on this day some time around 270 AD according to historical records.

It’s a day when we express our affection with cards, excesses of chocolate, roses, wine and all manner of tokens.

Valentine’s day is a day of romance, declarations of love and gift giving

Love…

love-1153972_1280 What is it really?

For many of us, love (romantic love, that is); the affection the care; the companionship, the respect; the support, the shared laughter and the faithfulness that we want in our love relationship seem rather elusive.

As you have come to learn, I am a bit of a ruminator. I think deeply about things and as this day of romance approached I got to thinking…

Thoughts on Love & Romance

Don’t get me wrong I’m a great romantic. I luuurve the idea of us loving one another and I love nothing more than the ‘frisson’ and thrill of meeting someone new and getting to know them. The hope and the expectation that maybe this time we have found someone a person we can hope share our life and experiences with, someone we can laugh with and cuddle up with and ‘be ourselves’ with.

But as I contemplated Valentine’s day and the nature of ‘love.’ I realised that in my life and experience I have learnt that the ‘Valentine’ and Romance movie version of love will remain an elusive and distant dream until we recognise what love and loving really means…

5 benefits of learning to love yourself

red-hearts-1182249_1280

No. 1

We cannot give what we don’t yet have ourselves…

Yet so many of us have so little love for who we are, but at the same time we are desperate to have another love us

To truly find love and a love that lives up to our idea of romantic love, we first need to know how to love ourselves…

  • Loving yourself heals every problem you have in life
  • Loving yourself makes you happy
  • Loving yourself improves your health and well-being
  • Loving yourself generates positive energy and that positive energy creates positive experiences.

No. 2

footsteps-390516_1280I have learnt that loving yourself is the pathway to your PEACE & your HAPPINESSWhen you love yourself you feel pretty good most of the time and feeling good all the time means you’re pretty happy.

Even when you have challenges, if you love yourself you respect and honour your strengths, you understand that you can overcome because you know how amazing you’ve been and the wonderful qualities you possessed that helped you deal with your previous challenges.

No. 3

You are enthralled

person-723561_1280As you voyage deeper into self-discovery. You gain a deep-seated appreciation for the YOU that you are. You accept the different parts that make you YOU; The foibles and idiosyncrasies, the embarrassments and peculiarities. You celebrate all parts of you and find yourself walking taller, feeling more peaceful and smiling without having a reason to…

No.4

You let go

Of the need to control or define others. Having a deeper love of yourself makes you to realise that your only purpose is to do just that and that your happiness is YOUR responsibility. You therefore begin to accept that you cannot ‘save’ or create happiness in others, that’s THEIR job. Once we ‘get’ this we begin to let go trying controlling circumstances or the emotions of others and more importantly we let go of…buddha-709861_1280

No. 5

You learn to stop blaming yourself.

Yeah OK, we all have our quirks and habits, our fears and ‘weirdnesses,’ but once you learn to truly love yourself and I mean develop that complete acceptance for who you are in your core; develop the ability to forgive yourself, talk softly and lovingly to yourself as if you would a young child, then you understand that those less than perfect actions you are simply opportunities for you to ‘choose’ again, a lesson in the school of life. You understand that you too are no better or worse than anyone else and that it’s OK to falter or make a mistake, you’re simply learning how to create the ‘you’ you choose to be.

You see once you understand how to LOVE YOU…

Then you are filled up with it.

Full to the brim with it…

Overflowing…

water-984476_1280It is then, when you know how to love you, when you are so full, that you have more than enough to share and still be full, it is then that you know how to replenish any that you do share and you make it your mission to always replenish your reserves first, that you will you truly understand love’s nature.

In this space you will be able to truly honour and respect and love cherish another enough to share the best of YOU

So from today…

Make it your mission to truly learn how to understand, honour, accept and deeply appreciate all of yourself; without condition.

Learn to do this and you’ll know instinctively how to do so with the one you choose to share your life with and between you you’ll create magic!

vintage-1171961_1280Happy Valentine’s Day!

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

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Criticism

Happy Sunday All,

Criticism & (dis) Approval

Sad-FaceThe other day I was chatting with a group of friends when the conversation turned to memories of childhood. Being criticised or a lack of approval seemed to be themes that arose and it was quite clear that even now, into their middle years, some of them still found it a challenge to respond to situations and emotions in a way they wanted to, rather in a way that was being driven by their experience of being criticised.

As we chittered and chatted it became clear that many of the people in the group still had varying degrees of challenge around self-identity and esteem due to the criticism they received as infants/children some, still experiencing acute insecurity and a lack of esteem despite significant accomplishments, when they thought about how their world had been shaped as children.

The Battleground

be-423796_1280As an educator, this is my battleground. It’s not so much the intellect, or attention span or environment though these are all factors. My fiercest foe when teaching others is the belief they have regarding who they are, what they are worth and what they deserve.

Being criticised is a MAJOR determiner when it comes to one’s emotional security, feelings of self-esteem and feelings of self-worth.

The Psychology

social-media-550766_1280I think you’ll agree that the world-view of a child is mostly created by the attitudes and behaviours of its caregivers. A child comes to us with no information about the world so they tend to believe what they’re told. I mean our Santa Claus Myth and others exist because children are blank sheets of paper on which we, who came before them, can etch whichever pattern, design or words we choose.

If a caregiver told a child consistently that a sunflower was called a rose and they had no other reference for a Sunflower, had never seen one and had never heard another person name one, though WRONG they would of course believe it.

If they are subject to criticism, by the people who care for them and whom they come into additional contact with they will begin to believe it.

The Results:

As a result the child spends the rest of their life dealing with one of the following or several in combination.

  1. The first and most obvious one is a Lack Of Confidence – whatever the child is persistently criticised for will lead them to believing they are not very worthy and affect their interactions and relationships for a very long time if not for life. I’ve often had to intervene when a child who lacks confidence, despite the pain and humiliation of taunts & of intimidation feels unable to say ‘Stop’ because deep down inside they acquired the belief that somehow they ‘deserve’ this behaviour, that deep down inside they are intrinsically bad & not worthy of anything better.
  1. Being criticised causes a deep and painful Emotional Wound(s). This wound(s) will have an unconscious trigger(s) that reminds the child or indeed the adult of his wound causing the emotional pain to become more acute and deeply buried. To avoid feeling this pain they can adopt destructive behaviours either as a distraction or sedative. Anything but feel the pain and be reminded of their deep-seated flaw, which is their shame.shame-799099_1920
  1. Being criticised can make you feel aShamed. When we feel ashamed we can withdraw or retreat into ourselves and become uncommunicative. No child (or adult for that matter) who feels shame is able to express their emotions openly and honestly, as they do not feel worthy enough to do so, after all isn’t there something fundamentally wrong with them in the first place, something warped at their core? A person who feels shame fears taking risks no matter how beneficial that risk may be to their wellbeing or life in general. A person who feels shame is governed by FEAR because they live in the grip of a mortifying dread of anyone discovering that their inner being is somehow warped and ill-formed. Nonsense I know! But just as they were told a Sunflower was a rose, so they came to believe they’re somehow disgusting or despicable and unworthy of receiving anything good.
  1. One of the most common features I see as a result of criticism is the misbelief of their own personality. So many times I hear young people (and I have to say a few adults) say things like “I’m just not good/rubbish, I have anger issues…’ Here they are trying to prove the negative criticism the have now come to believe. On an unconscious level they sabotage themselves, by not studying, distracting themselves and others, walking out on examinations, so that the outward expression of who they think they (the no good/unteachable/angry/stupid/worthless) self matches the inner belief they have come to interpret as their truth.
  1. dualism-597093_1280Perhaps the saddest of all consequences is the criticised child’s inability to feel loved and develop a healthy emotional attachment to their parent/care-giver. Feeling unloved and worthless the child looks for love in other areas. According to Psychologists many Narcissists, sex addicts and manipulative and controlling adults have been deprived of love as children. The very act of ‘Looking’ for love is outwardly focused. If one cannot believe in and love the self, then it’s unlikely you’ll be satisfied with anything no matter how hard you search. When we participate in something from a place of need then we are open to manipulation. Others smell the need in us and use it to get from us whatever they want as the unworthiness we feel keeps us from defending, standing up for ourselves or choosing differently. OR, we risk becoming abusive as our ‘un-loveable-ness’ is made clear to us and becomes too painful to face.

A Plea

Hopefully this post has helped explain or shed light on some of the challenges you may have had as you grew into adulthood Once we are made aware of something then we are more likely to be able to face it and perhaps (and this is my hope) break any negative hold it may have on us.

toddler-878749_1280To those of you who interact with children & young people, my plea is that you help them to grow into strong, secure, self-loving individuals by showing them encouragement and using your words, actions and energies in a positive way in your interactions and relationships with them.

Children have a natural exuberance and belief in the good in us all – Speak to this. Yes, they need to be guided and shepherded, but if you do so with love; explain to them ‘why’ and not criticise, you will succeed in shaping full formed, balanced people who will grow up and become positive adults; believing in and contributing in a positive way to the world.

Just get rid!

IMG_0330Avoid criticism. Our delicate new souls are too young and fragile to endure it and no adult deserves nor needs to be triggered into re-living any criticism they may have been exposed to as children.

Look to yourself and remind yourself of the challenges you have had unravelling the negative results of criticism you may have received.

Remember people form their sense of identity and who they are in this world at a very early age. The results of criticism can stay with us for a lifetime.

Next week I hope to discuss this topic a little further and comment on the wider social effects of being critical.

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

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Silent Saboteurs

Happy Sunday all

fears-701990_1280Today I’m going to comment on something that many of us experience, yet we are (consciously at least) unaware of it.

I’m talking about the fear of success

Who fears success? You holler. Well, you may be surprised to realise it, but many of us harbour unconscious Silent Saboteurs

They can manifest in the form of procrastination. You have a goal that you want to achieve or a level of comfort, stability, income that you know you are worth, yet you can’t seem to pick up the momentum you’d hoped with the actions you take to you reach your envisaged goal.

Why?

question-mark-460869_1280Sometimes we procrastinate not because we don’t want to take the necessary steps, (we’re often working like Trojans and can’t understand why we’re not making the headway we hope to), but become overwhelmed by the enormity of the task and are not sure where to start, or we are unaware (and this is the key to the challenge here) that on a subconscious level we feel undeserving and have some form of guilt or feeling of undeserving attached to receiving the abundance we so desperately want and know we deserve.

Ping-Pong

stamp-114438_150I’ll give you an example from my own recent experience: Through this experience I REALLY understood the importance to your psyche of owning your successes and celebrating your achievements.

It was a great surprise to suddenly find myself in a bidding war between two agencies Last Friday. As they batted the fee and the contract benefits backward and forwards, like game of ping-pong, I had moments of guilt and moments of panic.

yes-238374_150Both consultants were of course pressing for me to make an immediate decision and of course wanted me to decide in favour of THEIR client. In the end I had to tell them both to give me half an hour to have a ‘cuppa,’ breathe and really check myself internally so I decided that was ‘right for me,’ not one that was a reaction to MY own silent saboteurs, emotions or pressure.

During the process it became clear that one of my major silent saboteurs are feelings of ‘obligation’ ‘should do,’ ‘loyalty’ and ‘guilt.’

Let me explain:

I could choose to stay with the current organisation; in their favour were established relationships, familiarity etc. However:

  1. They had not retained my services until two days before the holidays, so I was unaware of my situation as I headed into the season
  2. When they did offer to continue with my services they offered to extend me by one month only, so come the end of Jan 2016, I could again find myself looking for another situation
  3. They offered to pay an increased fee only after my skills and talents were in danger of going elsewhere. After someone else saw my potential immediately and offered to pay what they felt my skill and abilities are worth.

Yet…

A New EndingMy silent saboteurs were kicking in and I felt ‘guilty’ at the idea of leaving because of the relationships I’d developed; I felt an obligation to ‘see it through,’ even though if I did so they could easily let me go and I wouldn’t have the opportunity to see it through anyway.

The new, brings with it feelings of exhilaration and excitement and I knew from experience that these are signs; my intuition was indicating that this is the door I should walk through for my personal development and expansion, so why the indecision?

Success means change

door-672999_1280Stepping up to the next level of success, however it manifests is something we’ve never before experienced and so it feels strange. We’ve all experienced that twinge of trepidation when we’ve had to deal with a new environment or situation, the doubt whether we are ‘up to the task’ do we have the skills, the intellect, the knowledge the confidence the style, the whatever…to make the grade and stay afloat in this new sea of experience?

Just keep swimming…

More often than not these fears are unfounded and we do more than rise to the occasion we may even find things are far easier at the ‘next level’ than we anticipated. We do more than float but swim deftly and easily. Before long it feels so familiar in this space we wonder why we ever had doubt in the first place.

The two faces of success

masks-833421_1280You see success has two faces: there’s the positive side, the side we focus on that keeps us ploughing on when we are in pursuit of the goal and are striving. We rarely see or think about the other side, which may have .

Yes there are potential negatives…

Fear of success is as I said and ‘UNCONSCIOUS’ saboteur and those fears are the ones that appear larger and more ominous because avoid evaluating them.

Anything we avoid, tends to grow stronger and more powerful. Anything you fear you tend to avoid (either consciously or subconsciously) and when we focus on avoiding we reinforce the avoidance behaviour…hence procrastination, indecision, stop and start patterning etc.

If you wish losing a significant amount of weight you may:

  • Subconsciously fear the potential criticism or jealousy from others you know who say they need to lose weight too…you may be ‘ejected from the club.’
  • What about the extra attention and praise you may receive? You may fear how to deal with it
  • What of the new clothes you will undoubtedly have to buy. If you situation is less than flush, this could be a challenging investment to have to make.

They may seem trivial, but these subconscious saboteurs can completely halt your achieving your vision, thought you are actively ‘doing’ on conscious level.

The incredible Shrinking Saboteur

One way and the way I was able to shrink and get rid of my subconscious saboteur was to face it. Anything we put a spotlight on or examine tends to shrink and we see the issue for what it truly is. More often than not it is less scary that we imagined and we are able to find the confidence to deal with the feelings, situation, status, abundance that have manifest for us.

Spotlight

hands-423794_1280Turning the spotlight on my feelings made me realise that I didn’t have to ‘DO’ or ‘Be’ any more than I was already. I realised, that I was being fought for because I had been the very best I could be, I had consistently performed with passion and love over a 10-year plus period. I understood that this was just reward for that and that if I was to achieve even more and feel comfortable with the level of success I envisioned for myself this was the next logical step. I needed to put this new overcoat on and get used to wearing it.

Resolutions

girl-843076_1280By acknowledging the hidden side to success, but more importantly (and this is where the focus should be) by counting and acknowledging the positives, the minute by minute, day by day, month by month successes I had already achieved I was able to shift my feelings of undeserving or guilt and so feel completely worthy of the abundance being offered to me.

This January… as we consider the year that has just passed and look towards our ambitions for the year ahead I urge you to look at your success. Own and celebrate, what you have achieved and how far you have come. You will surprise yourself I assure you.

By feeling joy and self-appreciation you consciously programme yourself to accept and step up to even more success to come.

Blissings, Joy and peace for 2016

Insightful Angel

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Legacy

Happy Sunday All,

Please Excuse me…I hope you’ll forgive my not posting last week, but one week and one day ago one of the most momentous events that I believe can occur in one’s life happened to me.

I became a Grandmother.

statue-572169_1280It’s been a week of transitions and changes and emotions and insights, which have left me reeling at times and awed at others. Don’t get me wrong, I have been aware of our little angel’s imminent arrival for the last nine months, but nothing and I mean nothing prepared me for the searing almost pathological love that consumed me when she did arrive.

Yes it was a little girl.

Beautiful…perfect and I believe with all my heart she is a gift handed down into the hands of my wonderful daughter and into our family, directly from the Angels themselves.

Roots

root-1013564_1280I have been in the privileged position of working with the next generation for the last ten years. This means I have been able to observe them, to know them and t love them intimately and to learn what we need to do for our children to survive, thrive and contribute.

Those children who have a less than secure, or indeed NO connection to their heritage, their foundation or roots, if they are not sheltered and secure as they grow, they are less able to find the self-esteem and worth required to allow us to teach them and to guide them. They have less self-love and this manifests in destructive behaviours, towards themselves, towards others, or both.

nature-1060244_1280Acorns

Like the acorns that fall from the Original Oak tree, they need fertile soil so they can begin to burrow their own fragile roots into the soil, they need time to feed and grow; become strong.

The strengthening and growing process is most successful when it takes place in the shade and protection of the branches of the mighty trees, which came before them. They are strong enough; they know the vagaries of the wind, they can read the seasons and know when and how to bend and not break, to store nutrients to survive the droughts and the storms, when to envelop the new sapling in their protective branches so they are not buffeted and destroyed by the elements beyond.

Saplings

If the older trees fail to do this, if they turn from the sapling and leave it exposed to the vagaries of the seasons before it is ready or able to deal with the searing sun or the biting wind then our poor sapling grows warped and misshapen, unable to grow tall and straight, unable to stand strong.

Grow model - New shootFor our little sapling the wind is harsh, not soothing and the sun is cruel, not nourishing as it was exposed to it too soon. Exposed when it had neither the strength, knowledge, nor experience to anticipate the damage it would suffer to and was left scarred by the meeting; blistered & burnt; limbs broken & weak…

Mighty Oaks

oak-1004607_1280If these ‘elders,’ the mighty strong Oak trees, which stand in the forest before them are loving and caring they will bow and bend, flexible enough to protect our young sapling, they teach it when & how to hide from the searing sun and the biting wind.

The sapling then grows knowing care, knowing love, secure; knowing and feeling protection. Our sapling faces the wind and the sun when it is ready, when it has the knowledge and skills and the strength to do so… the sapling grows straight and strong.

Legacy

Legacy: defined by the Cambridge dictionary as:

‘Something that is part of your history, or that remains from an earlier time’

I could have had mixed feelings when I think about ‘being from an earlier time,’ but for me this new phase of life; being part of her ‘history’ means the sapling (me) has become a ‘Mighty Oak’ and that ‘legacy,’  the passing on of the history, the sharing of ‘that earlier time’,’ is now my responsibility.

I am responsible for passing on the ‘legacy’ of who we are and who we were, to teach her where she came from, so she is able to navigate where she is going, to strengthen her roots and guide her through the wind and the sun, so she grows strong and straight, enabling her to become the magnificent ‘She’ that she will inevitably be.

I’ve been so moved by this new phase, it got me to wondering about what it means to me and what I hope to pass on to her and so I wrote it down..

Legacy

For Amelia:

I won’t care that you dirty your clothes

As long as I can sit with you on the doorstep in the fading sun, sucking on home-made lemon-ice, chit- chatting about everything and nothing

As long as I can show you how to mine your wonder and find your limitless potential

I won’t care what you do in your work

As long as I can teach you to do what it is your heart aches to do

As long as I can show you how to dream

I won’t care who you love

As long as I can teach you to do so with an open heart

As long as I can show you how to live with passion & fearlessness, always alive, always brave.

I will care when you are hurt by life and love and betrayal, but…

As long as I can teach you how worthy you are

As long as I can show you how to let your pain expand your soul, stay open to life, despite the hurt…you will rise.

I won’t mind (too much) that you sometimes forget to call or visit your ‘Ya Ya’

As long as I can teach you the power of your spirit

As long as I can show you the magnificence and the beauty of the Queens from whom you’re descended & whose fire & determination courses through your veins

I won’t care how many degrees you hold

As long as I can teach you to dance with life and express yourself in JOY

As long as I can show you how to live unrealistically and daringly, show you how to be limitless and carefree, show you how to not care one jot for the opinions of those who seek to restrict you out of their fear.

I won’t care (too much) to leave you…as it’s inevitable that one day I must

As long as long as I can teach you to keep on hoping, teach you to keep on dreaming, teach you you MUST keep wishing; knowing that there will always be a brighter day, knowing that you always deserve to see the sun rise

As long as I can show you how to truly ‘like’ whom you’ve become, look in the mirror and see the beauty in her…

Everyday…

Even when your life feels less than pretty.

I won’t mind that you’ll sometimes forget me

As long as you remember to ‘feel’ life through your grief and despair, as long as you remember the lessons I taught you

As long as you remember the loving kisses I gave you

As long as you remember the pressure of my arms around you

As long as you remember to look yourself in the mirror and see yourself with love and with acceptance.

As long as you remember you’re amazing and perfect

As long as you remember I am your friend

As long as you remember I’m always with you

As long as you remember…

I will ALWAYS…love you

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Pissouri Pilgrimage No. 1

Happy Sunday all

greece-565926_1280Here’s the first instalment of my ‘Pissouri Pilgrimage’ posts. There was some learning and there was some insight, so for the next few weeks I’ll share them here with you.? My hope is that they help you in some way by shining a light on your thoughts about yourself or life, or give hope if you’re feeling less than confident. Maybe they will confirm for you how amazing life is!

4th October 2015

Pissouri – Cyprus 23.55 (local time)

Trepidation

I’m away as you can see.

cute-18833_1280For some strange reason I had a real feeling of trepidation about travelling and was almost in tears as I left this morning at 8am for my flight to Larnaca from Leeds & Bradford Airport. I had no idea why, I just felt so fearful; a complete feeling of dread was nestling in my chest and I nearly didn’t come. If it wasn’t for the fact that I would regret wasting the money spent and that I’ve had hassle changing bookings and etc. I think I may have ‘chickened’ out.

But, I’m here now.

10 days…alone with myself abroad.

It’s quite daunting and I think this is what made the fear rise up in me, even though I have travelled alone before, but that was some time ago.

I managed to re-assure and calm myself on the plane by playing with my angel cards, (I have brought them with me). Whether they provide comfort or not I believe they do and so that’s all that matters.

aircraft-479772_1280On the flight I sat next to Carol and her friend Margaret. Both phenomenal in their 70s (looking decades younger) and travelling to meet a friend who is very familiar with the island as she used to live here. They’ve both been before, but never alone and called me ‘brave.’ Hmmm… not sure I was feeling too brave at the time, but hey! I was still gripped by this in explainable fear, but you can’t exactly tell the pilot to turn around or stop the vehicle now can you?

Through someone else’s eyes

Airport terminal and they were aghast that I had not sorted my onward journey and had no idea how I was going to get from Larnaca to Pissouri. It turned out to be quite simple. A bus from Larnaca to Limassol and then a taxi to Pissouri. The bus was only €9, a bit better than the £74 round trip it was going to cost for transfers when I tried sorting it from sunny Leeds!

So there I am, pleased with myself that I’ve sorted the bus and I won’t have to spend a fortune and dip into an already sparse pocket. I’m still panicky, so I remember to be grateful and tell myself I’m lucky to be where I am and to be having this experience. I focus on reminding myself that the universe will support me and that things will turn out OK…

I believe it (kind of), but I say it to myself none-the-less.

woman-41891_1280It’s funny how we see ourselves differently to others. They saw a brave woman, going it alone, but because I was on the inside of me I focused on the nervousness I was feeling. Yet they would never have done what I did and would rather have lost the money they spent.

Sometimes it does you good to listen and see yourself through other’s eyes. You may just be surprised by what you discover.

Taxi ride

Well, just as this girl thought she’d done ‘good,’ the bus driver says I have to get off at the first stop and get a taxi. Now when I bought the bus ticket the woman made it quite clear (she even circled it on the bus timetable she gave me), that I should get off at the second stop; St. George (a church – I get the impression there are a few churches here, to say the least!)

baby-216876_1280Something tells me this is bit of a ‘swizz’ and the bus driver and taxi man are in cahoots, but I have no choice, my driver is going no further.

Pah!

€40…YES €40 later I am at the apartment.

Don’t get me wrong, me and Mr. Taxi man had a lovely chat. It turns out his daughter is studying ‘Biomedical Science’ at Leeds University, Yes, my hoe City – Clever girl!

What a very small world indeed…

He has three children like me and like me has two girls and a boy. His son is just finishing school and will have to do National Service and daughter no. two they are trying to get a position within the navy or something as she tried studying in the UK as a make-up artist, but gave it up. I don’t think he was too impressed.

i-105490_150The conversation sounded all too familiar and you realise that no matter where you go, people are all the sam. The same wants and dreams, the same concerns and issues. The language and the customs and the faiths and the cultures are wonderful manifestations of our uniqueness, yet below the surface there’s the universal experience of life that connects us to each other.

Underneath it all we are ONE…

I’m reassured.

Fleeced?!

But, I’m at this point smarting from the realisation I may have been ‘HAD!’ and I’m seriously worried about how I’m going to survive here.

pound-414418_1280This, I think was what my panic was about. I know how to penny pinch at home, but abroad?

And who wants to feel restricted in such beauty? But then I tell myself I am as confined and restricted as I think I am.

After orienting myself around the apartment, which is lovely by the way. Modern and very, very cleeeen! My kinda place. The lovely Theodora came up and introduced herself and gave me a bit of a run down. She’s from Eastern Europe, but says she likes the weather here.

A quick shower…

The panic rises again…

That first night out and dinner alone.

I talk myself down and take another couple of angel cards. Pretty Stupendous they are too: ‘Blessings,’ and ‘Archangel Michael.’

So off I pop, telling myself blessings are all around me, that Michael is with me and will take away my fear…

Dinner

I’ve just returned from dinner (yes alone).

greek-salad-689674_1280Halloumi, olives, pitta and hummus…delish! I DO love that cheese, and proper goat’s milk too, so no bilious belly and cramping later, but so very rich; I’m going to have to abstain and not indulge every day methinks.

At dinner I people watched and gave thanks for the lovely food and the very handsome cats that hovered like vultures wanting anything that might fall from your table. I had visions of the god almighty bloody scrap that would ensue if all five (or was it six?) of them descended on some morsel I might drop and I’m to put it to the test, but declined.

Being open to connection

psychology-789612_1280After eating and feeling very satisfied and just whilst I was just taking in my surroundings, a gentleman started to eat the grapes that hung from the roof of the restaurant. I did for a moment think they were real, but there were so many and they seems so perfectly round and plum and juicy, I’d deduced they’re fake.

Xenios offered me some (at least he wasn’t called Costas – That was the taxi driver!) and I have to say they were delicious, though a tad dusty, but what’s a little dust between new acquaintances? We chatted and he seemed to know quite a few people…he is also, it seems rather accomplished as a businessman as he seems to run a lot of different enterprises. Anyway, no doubt I’ll bump into him again as he has a water-sports business on the beach.

Reaching out

girl-843076_1280Conversation over, I walked back to the apartment in that profound darkness that there always seems to be when you’re on holiday and marvelled at the fact that I could clearly see the constellations and I was so grateful for the lack of light pollution. I mused how we can only connect if we are open to it. If I’d been fearful or resistant Xenios would not have approached me. Sure he probably does it with everyone, but for me alone, it was a welcome distraction from my nervousness and fear.

In what way could you connect? you could be the person who relieves a moment of anxiety for someone else. so consider the next time you pull back from reaching out due to your own nervousness or fears.

A decision

I decided to write-up my day in a diary, but then realised that perhaps this trip will contain significant learning & insights that I can share, so here goes.

Today has been about trust:

  • Trusting that the ‘other’ source is there to support me and to support all of us.
  • Trusting myself and my instincts to get it right
  • I was tested and thrown into strange and unfamiliar situations and with people I did not know…
  • This frightened me.
  • I was tired and not wanting the challenge of having to do this all alone.
  • I had to rely on myself and more importantly, to trust that the universe would create the best outcomes for all concerned.sueaking-482701_1280

She did…but the outcome would have been very different I suspect if I’d gotten into panic and continued to have negative thoughts when my fear arose.

Like the boy in the Polar express I kept feeling my way when all I wanted to do was give up or turn around and go back.

I stayed in gratitude, trusting that I’d be OK…

I now believe I will be just that…OK.

I swallowed my fear and ventured out, when I wanted to stay in and hide and give myself the excuse that I’d just arrived and I could go out tomorrow.

Instead, I pushed through my panic and fear and…

I ate well

I made a connection

And the crème de la crème… I found a vegan raw food restaurant on the walk home…

Guess where I’ll be eating from now on?

Kale chips a plenty!

23.24 UK time: 1.24 Pissouri time. Time to sign off

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

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Just Stop

Happy Sunday All,

Today I had an epiphany.

I realised, no truly understood in my core, something that I thought I knew…

Today’s post will be a brief one, as what I have to say doesn’t need stating in more ways than one.

Well back to my realisation…

The realisation I came to is that

You can STOP when you want

2014-04-29 18.35.30

We are all worthy of asking for whatever we want and if you’re not getting that you can just say “STOP”

Non-attachment

leaf-681828_1280Not being attached to the outcome of our situations and relationships isn’t something that is the easiest thing for many of us.

We all dream.

From the moment we meet someone or get the interview for THE job, or hear that we are expecting, we start to dream and wonder and create future scenarios. As I said last week we have expectations and these become our beliefs.

We define our futures according to these beliefs. We become so invested in them that we cannot possibly bear the thought of them not coming to fruition. If the dream we have invested so much of our imagination and energy into doesn’t come off that would be too painful, too hard to bear wouldn’t it? So we persist, forcing and straining to ensure we get the outcome we imagine in our inner world.

Blood from a stone

We cling on at all costs squeezing the last few drops out of our vision, trying to get blood from a stone. The last thing we can bring ourselves to do is to let go and exercise non-attachment. We think it’s impossible to avoid ‘holding on’ even when it’s obvious that things are not working. Yet the best thing we CAN do for ourselves is to let go, grieve and be open to whatever the universe has in store for us next.

It’s invariably more wonderful than the last experience and better than we could have imagined.

rays-656582_1280‘Letting go,’ finding the courage to just say ‘Stop’ is the key to the life, light and joy we have come here to have and the joy we all deserve. Because when we say stop we are saying ‘yes’ to an alternative possibility. A possibility that better, yes your heart’s desire and your wildest dream is possible and is waiting for you.

The resistance, the push against, the feeling of ‘walking through treacle’ as I call it; is a clue that whatever situation/person/belief you insist on clinging to is perhaps not the best thing for your spiritual and emotional development. Not only that, the ‘clinging’ on and wrestling with the issue, the reminiscing and raging, the wailing and regretting, the asking ‘WHY?’ is just SOOOO damned exhausting!

Relax, Breathe and ‘Whatever’

Life is unpredictable, it’s supposed to be. There will often be complications and life is confusing and irrational, yet also amazing and truly wonderful, if we choose to see our challenges as lessons and life a schoolroom.

let-go-594531_1280There will always be stresses and challenges in this life. I know absolutely through the experiences of my life, that this is really the reason we are here, that these challenges give us the opportunity to choose, yes CHOOSE who we want to be, how we want to ‘show up.’ These challenges are ‘grist to the mill’ that polish us up and bring us closer to knowing who we are.

It is when we can Just say ‘STOP’ and as the Christians would say ‘give it up to GOD,’ when we are so spent and exhausted from wrestling with the issue and we finally ‘let go’ that we come to a place of acceptance.

Acceptance is that space in which we come to realise we don’t need to push against anything or do we need to cling to a situation/person or idea that is no longer feeding us, no longer expanding us.

We can just STOP

We can Just say ‘NO!’ and we can simply S.T.O.P

When we allow ourselves to stop is when the learning and the wisdom take place.

When we are still and silent we are more able (as I’ve said before) to hear the ‘divine whispers,’ and through them we come closer to knowing who we truly are and learn that there’s an infinite love that sits within us.

But more importantly we understand the infinite love that there is without that is ALWAYS there for us.

We understand finally that we are never alone and things will always be alright.

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

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Love YOU

Happy Sunday All,

When I started writing this blog over a year ago now, my reasons were simple ones to help someone, anyone, even just ONE person who may be at that moment in their life facing a challenge that MY experiences could shed some light on and to write.

I simply wanted my learning from life to support others if it could.

Love thyself

A fortnight ago a friend and I were talking and she said that I needed a ‘core’ idea or message. I hadn’t though about that before and it got me considering what that might be. It took a few days, but I realised that my message is, at its core is one of

Love is a Fruit“SELF-LOVE”

My mission, I now realise is to help as many people as possible o find their way to loving themselves.

My message is always:

‘Love YOU’

 The theme ‘Love YOU’ then showed up in three distinct ways (you know they say everything comes in threes, well it did) over the last week or so:

  1. The question from my friend
  2. A conversation with a filmmaker
  3. A christening

Conversation with a filmmaker:

whisper-408482_1280The message Love YOU continued into last week when I had an online chat with a filmmaker who had produced a film about love. Rather than it being about romantic love and the external expression of love towards someone else, his message is to love YOU as the path to your salvation, redemption and potential. It seemed as he said to me ‘We were on the same page.’

Whilst talking with him I realised that one of the major factors that made me decide to commit my message to paper was because it broke my heart as an educator to see so many young people; people who should be carefree, vibrant and fearless, so consumed with ‘getting things wrong’ afraid to even try, convinced they were no good.

The result of such thinking is of course to compensate for the feelings of inadequacy and lack of confidence with bravado and boastfulness with ‘overdoing.’ These shallow and often angry expressions of a fake confidence, this overdoing, mask a deep-seated insecurity and I believe a deep-seated cry for love, attention and affection.

But they won’t find it fighting the world outside!

We’ve all seen them: Young people (and many adults) calling each other names speaking aggressively, putting others down and ridiculing others in a vain attempt to find some feelings of worth, becoming caricatures of wo/manhood.

aggression-657087_1280These caricatures bully and shout or are hyper-sexual or over-made-up. They make vain attempts to feel ‘excitement’ to mask and push down the lack of love for themselves that rears up if they are still for too long. This ‘excitement’ takes the form of violence, drug use, sexual activity and living vicariously in fantasy worlds through the use of technology, anything but face themselves in THIS word.

In their attempts to leave childhood and the unworthiness  attached to it, in their desire to ‘grow up,’ Their behaviour causes them to turn against each other as they lack the maturity and self-worth to communicate their needs, wants & feelings in a responsible & respectful way. These outbursts are in my mind, clear indications of Feeling unworthy…

Feelings powerless…

Feeling unloved

Not able to Love (who they are).

A christening & balloon chasing

toddler-878749_1280Little Ava is a powerhouse. She’s lively, intelligent, articulate, vibrant & self-assured and last Sunday it was clear she had a ball. Last Sunday little Ava was christened. As I watched her and the other ‘little children’ (0-6ish) I saw how beautiful it is when you love YOU.

These children don’t care what others think.

They are quite clear what they want and need and are happy to express it. They understand on some cellular level that they are worthy, as worthy as the next and have every right to:

  • Dance when they want to dance, no matter who’s watching,
  • Eat when they’re hungry,
  • Chase balloons when they feel inspired and
  • Sit in the dirt if that’s what they feel like doing no matter if any one cares or is looking.

They need no-ones approval; their self-worth and value is not decided by others, it comes from within…

Self-love is a given, so automatic it’s not even thought about. It simply is…

love-229977_150As I watched and smiled at how free they are and actually how loving to themselves and others, It confirmed to me:

We are all born in love…

We are born loving ourselves…

You were born to Love YOU

 Arrogance & Humility

I know what you’re going to say. I know someone who loves him/herself and they’re pretty arrogant, but arrogance is simply another display of a lack of self-love.

A display of arrogance is always trying to feel superior. In so doing you show that you’re really insecure, as true self-assurance doesn’t need another to push against to feel valued or worthy.

For example, the next time you do create or achieve or do something you’re proud of, instead of playing it down and adopting the false modesty that we’ve been trained to else we come across as arrogant of boastful, congratulate yourself.

DancingBy being ‘humble’ and dismissing our achievements are we not unconsciously asking for more recognition as others, then say ’Oh and s/he’s so humble too?’ The focus is still on us. Instead we should have confidence in and love for ourselves enough to graciously say ‘thank you,’ should praise come but still in LOVE with who we are and what we do not needing it regardless.

Be proud of what you’ve achieved after all you put the work in. give yourself and internal pat on the back and allow yourself to enjoy the feeling of achievement As long as your thoughts or celebrations are in no way causing upset or harm to anyone else then why should you be denied them?

At the end of the week, I congratulated a friend on something he’d visualised and had worked hard to achieve and which now it seemed to be coming to fruition. I was so proud of him and the work he’s tirelessly put in to reach his goal. I heard the hesitation in his voice as he said: “Yeah I’m quite proud of myself” and why shouldn’t he be? I was truly happy for him, but my feelings should not matter to him if he is in love with himself.

Baby Steps

Sister DanceAfter years of self-criticism and doubt it is a daunting prospect for so many of us to think we can get back to (I say ‘back to’ because remember the children, we all started in love) a place where inside there is no doubt that you love YOU, but you can.

Baby steps lovelies…

It starts with your thinking, as does anything…

You see love…

  • Cannot harm
  • Does not belittle
  • Does not exist if another is made to feel inferior
  • Does not criticise
  • Is not painful
  • Does not need others to be/do/like us to feel worthy
  • Cannot thrive where there is anger
  • Cannot survive is there is fear
  • Is always INCLUSIVE
  • Always feels good
  • Uplifts and supports
  • Unifies
  • Starts with the SELF

Journey back to love

Love-is-an-unconditional-commitmentforest-249029_150It occurred to me then, that we CAN journey back to self-love simply, through one thought at a time. Simply recognising and celebrating our successes, even if out of shyness you just think it for now.

One thought, then another, then another and slowly you begin to change your attitude to yourself. You begin to commit to yourself unconditionally.

You go from:

  • Criticism to consideration
  • Being Needy to self-belief
  • From denial to acceptance of your needs, allowing yourself to feel then and allow them to be satisfied.
  • Manipulation to motivation
  • Bullying to bravery enough to say ‘sorry’ or ‘I love you’ or ‘well done.’ Even when someone is attempting to get where you want to go and you’re not quite there yet.

When we celebrate and love ourselves, it doesn’t matter to us what others think or feel about where we want to go or what we want to make, do or be and we automatically understand and accept the right for others to love and respect themselves too.

Namaste

buddha-169511_1280In Yoga we end each session by bowing and saying ‘Namaste.’ It means:

“The god in me honours the god in You”

You see it tells us that we are all one, from the same core and as such should recognise that love/god is in each of us.

It is only when you begin to recognise the Love in you and love YOU that you can then truly ‘see’ and recognise the Love/god in others and then accept or allow love FROM others.

If you do not love YOU, then you will always (sooner or later) reject and doubt the love, praise, support others want to give you. In your mind’s eye you will decide there is something very wrong with them if they love you because after all aren’t you un-loveable/unworthy?

When you reject your achievements, when you play down your acts of kindness, when you reject support or love, if you can’t look yourself in the mirror and truly love what you see then you are rejecting your essence. Rejecting the GOD in you.

How then can you hope to find peace or love or true happiness?

I doesn’t matter if you call it ‘being independent,’ ‘being modest’ or if you are ‘not wanting/needing charity’ or think you’ll be seen as ‘arrogant or ‘full of yourself’ or you find some other excuse like ‘your aged parents’ or ‘your children’ or ‘distance’ or whatever other excuse you can come up with to reject love or attention or success or praise. If this is what you’re doing it’s because you’re in fear and need to work on loving YOU.

coast-631925_1280The City of ‘Self-Love’ is the destination for the journey we are all making, and every journey starts with a single step.

Start today so you get there in the shortest time possible.

Take your example from our babies and just enjoy being you.

Think well of YOU allow the goodness and joy and love that comes to you, so it can flow through you and enjoy all that being you involves.

Be kind to YOU,

Speak gently and softly to YOU,

Love YOU

 

NAMASTE

Insightful Angel

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Loving the skin you’re in

 

Happy Sunday All,

i-am-429698_1280Today I’d like to discuss with you, something which I may have touched on in a previous blog, but which seems to have been the theme of my week. I’d like, right here and now to get you to really begin to

‘love the skin you’re in.’

You see, too many of us don’t.

I often hear people I know and love commenting on the features or qualities they dislike about themselves or bemoaning the fact that they don’t have a particular talent. When we don’t accept ourselves, when we allow the ‘inner critic’ to constantly berate us how can we possibly access the goodness, abundance, the joy the peace and love we all want in hearts?

hands-423794_1280Mahatma said: ‘Be the change you wish to see…’ Michael Jackson said ‘He’s looking at the man in the mirror, ’ so anything we want to achieve, have or change starts with US.

The start begins in your mind and the things you say to yourself. We cannot hope to be our best, achieve abundance or business success if our mind-talk is perpetually reinforcing our insecurities.

Isn’t It Ironic…Don’t you think?

The very features or qualities you bemoan or have learnt to dislike can turn out to be your biggest and best asset and yet you’ve spent most of your time not appreciating it. I’ll give you an example:

Yesterday after yoga a fellow Yogi came up to me and said I had the most fabulous arms!

My Arms… Really? You’ve got to be kidding?

You see my sisters and I have muscular arms and have, over the years commented on this fact. It’s a feature I have often wished was more sleek and feminine. I have seen my arms as making me look more male and often thought they were too muscular, yet here was a woman telling me how beautiful they were to her. My Yoga teacher agreed too.

A feature that has always been a slight embarrassment to me was being applauded and commented on as being admirable.

From serious flaw to greatest asset

Elsa-FrozenAnother example is my voice…

When I was younger criticism led me to believe my voice and what I had to say was either a nuisance, inappropriate or too much. So I spent many years believing I should ‘Shut up.’

Yet, in my teens and twenties I discovered I could sing and in my thirties and forties and now into my fifties the desire to use my voice (speaking, writing) to uplift and support others has become irresistible and is now one of the talents I receive my most positive responses to.

Another instance.

My daughter’s birth-mark (on her neck) was a source of upset for her. She begged and pleaded to have it removed all through her childhood. She hid it whenever possible and because of it was insecure. I insisted that it made her unique, I refused to give in to her pleas. I told her that one day she would love it and be proud of it. Today she acknowledges that it separates her from the ‘crowd’ and actually enhances her beauty. She no longer covers it up.

Your greatest flaw can turn out to be your greatest gift…. but only if you accept yourself just as you are.

Like poor Elsa in ‘Frozen’ she has come to realise that the thing she believed she should dislike about herself is the thing that enhances her uniqueness. I’m sure we all remember Jennifer Grey of ‘Dirty Dancing’ fame, but what happened to her star and it’s rise after she messed with her nose?

Her internal critic obviously had one particular point of view, yet her nose was the very feature that made her cute and gave hr face the form that made her believable as ‘baby.’ It contributed to her a achieving the success she had no doubt spent a long time working on.

Without it she lost it

Comparison the devil in disguise

elphaba, the wicked witch of the westIt seems to me that the problem starts when we look outside of ourselves. When we begin to make comparisons. When we compare ourselves we invariably find ourselves lacking in some way and then instead of thinking ‘well It would be lovely if this, that or the other were better, BUT I have this and this talent and this quality that I admire and love about myself,’ we obsess over the one or two things that we see as inferior,

But inferior to what?

In the main we are comparing ourselves to manufactured ideals that bear little resemblance to the qualities of real people and when you look at it, really examine what we are capable of as a species you see we’re pretty damned amazing and achieve some phenomenal things when we get out of our own way and just get on with the business of living our best lives.

Children know the secret

Very rarely do you come across a toddler or baby that worries that they’re not good enough. How much joy do we get on social media from seeing children just full of fun and laughter, dancing for no reason or singing and simply being…

DancingThere’s recognition of something that we know we’ve lost, but are afraid to admit. I mean who the hell made up the rule that as adults we need to be ‘sensible?’ that we shouldn’t dance or sing with joy, that we shouldn’t believe in magic and dreams and completely believe ANYTHING is possible?

How well are you looking after yourself when you criticise and berate yourself?

Instead of sending the focus of your positive affirmations outside and onto others, appreciating their qualities and talents, you would be better to create a more positive mind-set within yourself and around who YOU are.

Like attracts Like

If you have a desire for success, whatever that looks like to you, how can you create this success if at the same time your mind talk  and constant criticism indicates that you’re undeserving?

To create success, whatever that may look like, you need positivity. A healthy nurturing mindset and context into which the success can appear. This is why there are still wealthy people who are unhappy, super rich and talented sports people who are depressed, super-slim and beautiful women who are suicidal.

Despite having ‘IT ALL’ as we are brainwashed into thinking, they are obviously still discouraging themselves and feeling unworthy because of their inner critic. This creating a toxic and depressing inner world and leads to external symptoms of insecurity and self-loathing.

buddha-562033_1280This is what you’re doing to yourself when you tell yourself you’re unworthy or wrong or just ‘toooo…’

The skin you’re in is unique.

You are the only ‘you’ there is.

You have a set of gifts and features that are a unique and special combination and are found only in you, so rare that the odds are millions, probably trillions to one that that same combination will be found elsewhere.

I don’t know about you, but if I found something that rare, my tendency would be to cherish it, care for it and make sure it as well looked after. I would want it to know every day how beautiful and rare I thought it was.

This is how you should speak to yourself!

Unique NOT the freak

fractal spiritWhen you speak positively to yourself, when you focus on your talents and gifts, when you appreciate your creativity, kindness or the myriad  of other features all positive and that YOU bring to the world,  you to develop a mind-set and thought process that is positive. A mind-set that uplifts and believes in you, a mind-set that is focused on creating SUCCESS.

For this week, When you find yourself criticising yourself (you know those thoughts that start with ‘I wish I…) make a deliberate effort to think about the talents and skills or features you have that you LIKE about yourself, the things that make you unique, that confirm that you’re one in a million.

Practise… and soon you’ll be smiling. You may even find yourself, like the toddler dancing with joy for no reason.

Pretty soon, you’ll find that you are indeed:

Loving the skin you’re in!

A Space to B… Appreciate the uniqueness of YOU..

Blissings & much Love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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