Tag Archives: Joy

Playing Small

Happy Sunday All,

7th February 1965. It was a Sunday.

bird-287109_1280I like to think that there were bluebirds singing and the sun was shining, you know à la Snow White, but I doubt that was the case.

In fact the historical forecast says it was: “Dull, rather cold and very dry” So, not the Fairytale entrance I would have hoped for, however I was bright, inquisitive and curious and importantly I was and have always been very interested in people.

You know you have those moments when you re-assess your life, well, recently in that moment I realised I had spent a significant part of my life ‘playing small.’ It didn’t feel good and I know that now the time is right for me to JUST STOP IT!

Criticism: The Spirit killer

aggression-657087_1280I have always been full of curiosity and expectation; hungry for information and I tend to see life through hopeful and excited eyes, yet more often than not this was seen as a problem and I received much criticism for my exuberance and wish for knowledge.

Instead of being of being congratulated for being curious and thirsty to know more I got instead:

“yuh too farce!”

“yuh know too much”

“yuh always have and ansa fi evryting”

Criticism which made me second guess my own decisions and be unsure about what I should do and which decisions I should make that were in MY best interests.

The second thing that I think contributed to me subconsciously playing small was developing a fear of upsetting others. When we are made to believe that our successes are at the expense of others and that in doing so others may suffer, then we unconsciously pull in and stop ourselves from expanding too greatly or from shining too brightly.

Comparisons

leaves-79990_1280When I was young my sisters and I were obliged to spend a lot of time at my aunt’s house. We were practically brought up with our cousins but it meant constant comparisons and our achievements being pitted against each other…

As a very academic youngster and a naturally curious person I was more often than not out front in that particular race and so when my cousins were chastised for not being able to keep up, I realise now that on a subconscious level I dimmed my light because shining too brightly meant others would suffer.

PLAYING SMALL.’

This has been a recurring theme in my life and no doubt for some of you too. The thing with playing small is that it’s quite an insidious and subconscious little saboteur. It’s also a bit of a chameleon and shape shifts, like a ninja when you least expect it to.

What do I mean by that?

What I mean is that we play small for a number of reasons, but how you play small can show up as something else entirely.

In what ways could you be playing small?

Playing small for me manifest as people pleasing. I learnt quickly as a child that I would receive positive affirmation and attention if I did as I was told, if I did the things my primary carers expected of me.

hand-683909_1280 (1)In addition to this I am an eldest child and so we  are, more often than not trained to be responsible not just for ourselves, but the behaviours and emotions of those siblings that come after us. Now this is great up to a point, but it didn’t exactly endear me to my siblings nor some of my peers when you’re behaving like yet another ADULT in their lives.

It’s a heavy burden and a responsibility which leaves you feeling you’re stuck between the ‘rock’ of adult and carer expectations of your behaviour and the ‘hard place’ of just being a child, relating to your siblings and peers and doing what other children do because when you do allow yourself to be a child, you are chastised.

“You’re the sensible one!”

“I didn’t expect this from YOU!”

“I trusted you to…”

“You should know better…”

and so on…

Who am I really?

Stepping up to life can be fearful...What's next?
Stepping up to life can be fearful…What’s next?

In order to avoid the guilt and disappointment we can often feel we are creating, the result of the expressed disappointment, we can spend a life-time giving out and being what everyone else needs us to be, when they needed us to be it and forget – no, never really knew that we are the first person we should give to.

It is only when I give to myself, that I am filled up enough to overflow and spill out with the energy abundance, love, affection, advice, support, confidence or whatever it is that others want and I choose to give out.

The other way that I ‘played small’ and I know there are others of you, who do this too, is that I constantly looked to others, seeking their advice and approval before making decisions for my own life and myself.

I failed to trust my own intuition and my own guidance.

Whether you look to the advice of someone you respect, the advice of friends, teachers or Gurus OR whether you look to horoscopes, Runes and Tarot, what you’re doing is relinquishing your power to another and playing small.

Now don’t get me wrong, the advice of others can be invaluable…

person-110305_150However, it’s when you allow that advice or opinion to usurp a burning desire within you, when you allow that advice to quench the fire of feeling uplifted and expanded, when you overthrow opportunities that makes you feel excited & joyous because someone cautioned you against it, that’s when you know you’re playing small.

Their advice becomes the excuse you use to justify not stepping up to the expanded and amazing self you know you could be.

How do you know it?

Because you felt excited by the opportunity.

Remember most people, even with the best of intentions, operate from within their own experience, thoughts and feelings. So, even if their advice comes with love and they have the best intentions for you, they can only advise you from within the confines and limits of their own life’s lessons.

THESE ARE NOT YOUR LESSONS!

So, the next time you’re faced with  a decision or opportunity, check in with yourself consider if the choice you’re about to make makes you feel expanded or constricted, reactive and motivated by fear or expanded and joyous.

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

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Happy New Year

happy-new-year-1105854_1280The love in your heart wasn’t put there to stay

Love isn’t love until you give it away.

New Year’s Eve…

A spectacularly social and festive time of the year, yet for many and I have been among the many, this time of year can serve to exaggerate a knawing emptiness, or a feeling of frustration that you’re not exactly where you would like to be.

card-1081735_1280 It’s a time to give love to you

If you’re in the position of having to see the New Year in alone, my message is to you. I’d like to let you know that rather than seeing yourself as alone, see yourself as evolving.

Your physical state may be one in which you are with yourself, but we are one human family connected by our very essence and spirit, connected by our energy.

If as you reflect, whether you’re alone or otherwise and you find you’re in a place that makes you feel discomfort, then give thanks. I say give thanks, because it is when we are in a state of discomfort that we realise the need for change.

Discomfort

The feelings of agitation are designed to make you feel uncomfortable, so you take action, action that is designed to move you, shake you out of the circumstance that has you feeling dissatisfied and take action that moves you forward, action that will force you to step closer to where you are meant to be.

So for tonight do not feel that your circumstance is one of aloneness. I am here…thinking of you connected to all of you urging you to remember you are perfect and perfectly placed in this moment right now.

If you feel agitation then this is great as it means you will create a shift, a shift that will take you closer towards your greatness.

So for now be thankful and know that as 2016 rolls itself out you will become more expanded and more connected to the true you.

I wish you love and prosperity on your journey and look forward to you experiencing a deeper connection to yourself & to our wonderful human family.

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

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Legacy

Happy Sunday All,

Please Excuse me…I hope you’ll forgive my not posting last week, but one week and one day ago one of the most momentous events that I believe can occur in one’s life happened to me.

I became a Grandmother.

statue-572169_1280It’s been a week of transitions and changes and emotions and insights, which have left me reeling at times and awed at others. Don’t get me wrong, I have been aware of our little angel’s imminent arrival for the last nine months, but nothing and I mean nothing prepared me for the searing almost pathological love that consumed me when she did arrive.

Yes it was a little girl.

Beautiful…perfect and I believe with all my heart she is a gift handed down into the hands of my wonderful daughter and into our family, directly from the Angels themselves.

Roots

root-1013564_1280I have been in the privileged position of working with the next generation for the last ten years. This means I have been able to observe them, to know them and t love them intimately and to learn what we need to do for our children to survive, thrive and contribute.

Those children who have a less than secure, or indeed NO connection to their heritage, their foundation or roots, if they are not sheltered and secure as they grow, they are less able to find the self-esteem and worth required to allow us to teach them and to guide them. They have less self-love and this manifests in destructive behaviours, towards themselves, towards others, or both.

nature-1060244_1280Acorns

Like the acorns that fall from the Original Oak tree, they need fertile soil so they can begin to burrow their own fragile roots into the soil, they need time to feed and grow; become strong.

The strengthening and growing process is most successful when it takes place in the shade and protection of the branches of the mighty trees, which came before them. They are strong enough; they know the vagaries of the wind, they can read the seasons and know when and how to bend and not break, to store nutrients to survive the droughts and the storms, when to envelop the new sapling in their protective branches so they are not buffeted and destroyed by the elements beyond.

Saplings

If the older trees fail to do this, if they turn from the sapling and leave it exposed to the vagaries of the seasons before it is ready or able to deal with the searing sun or the biting wind then our poor sapling grows warped and misshapen, unable to grow tall and straight, unable to stand strong.

Grow model - New shootFor our little sapling the wind is harsh, not soothing and the sun is cruel, not nourishing as it was exposed to it too soon. Exposed when it had neither the strength, knowledge, nor experience to anticipate the damage it would suffer to and was left scarred by the meeting; blistered & burnt; limbs broken & weak…

Mighty Oaks

oak-1004607_1280If these ‘elders,’ the mighty strong Oak trees, which stand in the forest before them are loving and caring they will bow and bend, flexible enough to protect our young sapling, they teach it when & how to hide from the searing sun and the biting wind.

The sapling then grows knowing care, knowing love, secure; knowing and feeling protection. Our sapling faces the wind and the sun when it is ready, when it has the knowledge and skills and the strength to do so… the sapling grows straight and strong.

Legacy

Legacy: defined by the Cambridge dictionary as:

‘Something that is part of your history, or that remains from an earlier time’

I could have had mixed feelings when I think about ‘being from an earlier time,’ but for me this new phase of life; being part of her ‘history’ means the sapling (me) has become a ‘Mighty Oak’ and that ‘legacy,’  the passing on of the history, the sharing of ‘that earlier time’,’ is now my responsibility.

I am responsible for passing on the ‘legacy’ of who we are and who we were, to teach her where she came from, so she is able to navigate where she is going, to strengthen her roots and guide her through the wind and the sun, so she grows strong and straight, enabling her to become the magnificent ‘She’ that she will inevitably be.

I’ve been so moved by this new phase, it got me to wondering about what it means to me and what I hope to pass on to her and so I wrote it down..

Legacy

For Amelia:

I won’t care that you dirty your clothes

As long as I can sit with you on the doorstep in the fading sun, sucking on home-made lemon-ice, chit- chatting about everything and nothing

As long as I can show you how to mine your wonder and find your limitless potential

I won’t care what you do in your work

As long as I can teach you to do what it is your heart aches to do

As long as I can show you how to dream

I won’t care who you love

As long as I can teach you to do so with an open heart

As long as I can show you how to live with passion & fearlessness, always alive, always brave.

I will care when you are hurt by life and love and betrayal, but…

As long as I can teach you how worthy you are

As long as I can show you how to let your pain expand your soul, stay open to life, despite the hurt…you will rise.

I won’t mind (too much) that you sometimes forget to call or visit your ‘Ya Ya’

As long as I can teach you the power of your spirit

As long as I can show you the magnificence and the beauty of the Queens from whom you’re descended & whose fire & determination courses through your veins

I won’t care how many degrees you hold

As long as I can teach you to dance with life and express yourself in JOY

As long as I can show you how to live unrealistically and daringly, show you how to be limitless and carefree, show you how to not care one jot for the opinions of those who seek to restrict you out of their fear.

I won’t care (too much) to leave you…as it’s inevitable that one day I must

As long as long as I can teach you to keep on hoping, teach you to keep on dreaming, teach you you MUST keep wishing; knowing that there will always be a brighter day, knowing that you always deserve to see the sun rise

As long as I can show you how to truly ‘like’ whom you’ve become, look in the mirror and see the beauty in her…

Everyday…

Even when your life feels less than pretty.

I won’t mind that you’ll sometimes forget me

As long as you remember to ‘feel’ life through your grief and despair, as long as you remember the lessons I taught you

As long as you remember the loving kisses I gave you

As long as you remember the pressure of my arms around you

As long as you remember to look yourself in the mirror and see yourself with love and with acceptance.

As long as you remember you’re amazing and perfect

As long as you remember I am your friend

As long as you remember I’m always with you

As long as you remember…

I will ALWAYS…love you

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Pissouri Pilgrimage 3 Pebbles & Sand

Happy Sunday all,

Pissouri – Cyprus

6th October 2015

18.38pm (local time)

Day three

purple-972434_1920 The sun is down now and there’s a purply-blue hue to the atmosphere. I’m on the terrace writing and feeling pretty at home I must say. Who knows, maybe this is a premonition; some dejá vue and in the future I will spend my life in the sun writing?

What a dream that would be?

Today started before the sun came up and before the ‘tring-a-ling’ of my mobile’s alarm.

I sat on the terrace for a while contemplating what to do with the day whilst in the distance the ‘whoooosh’ and ‘Schweeeee’ sounds of the swell of the sea and the waves sweeping as the tide came in, seemed particularly potent; a powerful draw, calling me to venture out.

Walking in Sunrise

stones-113791_1280So, as many still slept, including the sun, I ventured out to walk the length of the beach and explore a little.

Surprisingly, though it was only about 7.30am, one or two people were around and one woman had clearly been in the sea for some time already as she was walking back to her apartment wet and panting.

The walk was really quite invigorating. It’s hard work walking on shifting pebbles, great for the thighs and the tummy… so early morning exercise is ticked off the list.

I walked and walked on a journey that took me up a steep path that eventually led me above the sea and round the curve of the bay to give a wonderful panoramic view of the bay. A complete and perfect, chalky ‘C’ shape…kissed by a greyish blue swell.

Marvels and wonders

diaz-beach-940859_1920I marvelled at how lovely it all was and wondered at the sights this bay must have seen and the experiences it observed unchanging over the centuries.

Ancient Nubians fishing and swimming & building; the descent of Roman galleons invading the bay, that these very same cliffs must have taken in; the loss of many Ancient Greek sandals from lovers and friends; the remnants of shrapnel, devastation from two world wars; mementos, which now lay buried deep among the pebbles and the seaweed and the moss on the beach;

Sand & Pebbles

Pebbles & SandMy head hurt with the thought that there were millions, probably billions or trillions of pebbles and grains of sand on this one beach alone, and this was one beach on the island of Cyprus and Cyprus is one island, one tiny land mass that has many beaches, so how many grains of sand and how many pebbles are there across the planet?

Yet though

One pebble, one grain of sand on its own cannot make up a beach, every pebble and grain contributes to the creation of the beach.

All of it, I came to realise meant that we are but fleeting experiences for our planet. We are a mere nanosecond on the timeline of evolution so, is anything we experience REALLY so important that we need to feel stressed and unhappy about it?

When we realise we have all the time in the world, but no time at all in the experience of the world then surely we need to ‘get on with it,’ live every moment and be grateful for everything?

In the same way that we are inconsequential, we are too, like the pebble and the singular grain of sand, are a part of  everything; a part of the ‘beach.’

Without each ‘one’ next to another ‘one’ there can be no beach, no ‘whole’ and in that regard we are so darned fortunate to be here; a part of everything, yet separate and whole in our ‘Oneness.’

1.23am

I have just arrived back at the apartment.

Last in the restaurant; I cheekily stayed to use their WIFI and post Sunday and Monday’s blog posts. They didn’t seem to mind.

Then, after a dark and humid stroll…

rain-567512_1280A downpour!

I get home with 10 minutes to spare before…

Pissouri precipitation in extremis!

The perfect end to a beautiful day.

Blissings & much love

Insightful Angel

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Loving the skin you’re in

 

Happy Sunday All,

i-am-429698_1280Today I’d like to discuss with you, something which I may have touched on in a previous blog, but which seems to have been the theme of my week. I’d like, right here and now to get you to really begin to

‘love the skin you’re in.’

You see, too many of us don’t.

I often hear people I know and love commenting on the features or qualities they dislike about themselves or bemoaning the fact that they don’t have a particular talent. When we don’t accept ourselves, when we allow the ‘inner critic’ to constantly berate us how can we possibly access the goodness, abundance, the joy the peace and love we all want in hearts?

hands-423794_1280Mahatma said: ‘Be the change you wish to see…’ Michael Jackson said ‘He’s looking at the man in the mirror, ’ so anything we want to achieve, have or change starts with US.

The start begins in your mind and the things you say to yourself. We cannot hope to be our best, achieve abundance or business success if our mind-talk is perpetually reinforcing our insecurities.

Isn’t It Ironic…Don’t you think?

The very features or qualities you bemoan or have learnt to dislike can turn out to be your biggest and best asset and yet you’ve spent most of your time not appreciating it. I’ll give you an example:

Yesterday after yoga a fellow Yogi came up to me and said I had the most fabulous arms!

My Arms… Really? You’ve got to be kidding?

You see my sisters and I have muscular arms and have, over the years commented on this fact. It’s a feature I have often wished was more sleek and feminine. I have seen my arms as making me look more male and often thought they were too muscular, yet here was a woman telling me how beautiful they were to her. My Yoga teacher agreed too.

A feature that has always been a slight embarrassment to me was being applauded and commented on as being admirable.

From serious flaw to greatest asset

Elsa-FrozenAnother example is my voice…

When I was younger criticism led me to believe my voice and what I had to say was either a nuisance, inappropriate or too much. So I spent many years believing I should ‘Shut up.’

Yet, in my teens and twenties I discovered I could sing and in my thirties and forties and now into my fifties the desire to use my voice (speaking, writing) to uplift and support others has become irresistible and is now one of the talents I receive my most positive responses to.

Another instance.

My daughter’s birth-mark (on her neck) was a source of upset for her. She begged and pleaded to have it removed all through her childhood. She hid it whenever possible and because of it was insecure. I insisted that it made her unique, I refused to give in to her pleas. I told her that one day she would love it and be proud of it. Today she acknowledges that it separates her from the ‘crowd’ and actually enhances her beauty. She no longer covers it up.

Your greatest flaw can turn out to be your greatest gift…. but only if you accept yourself just as you are.

Like poor Elsa in ‘Frozen’ she has come to realise that the thing she believed she should dislike about herself is the thing that enhances her uniqueness. I’m sure we all remember Jennifer Grey of ‘Dirty Dancing’ fame, but what happened to her star and it’s rise after she messed with her nose?

Her internal critic obviously had one particular point of view, yet her nose was the very feature that made her cute and gave hr face the form that made her believable as ‘baby.’ It contributed to her a achieving the success she had no doubt spent a long time working on.

Without it she lost it

Comparison the devil in disguise

elphaba, the wicked witch of the westIt seems to me that the problem starts when we look outside of ourselves. When we begin to make comparisons. When we compare ourselves we invariably find ourselves lacking in some way and then instead of thinking ‘well It would be lovely if this, that or the other were better, BUT I have this and this talent and this quality that I admire and love about myself,’ we obsess over the one or two things that we see as inferior,

But inferior to what?

In the main we are comparing ourselves to manufactured ideals that bear little resemblance to the qualities of real people and when you look at it, really examine what we are capable of as a species you see we’re pretty damned amazing and achieve some phenomenal things when we get out of our own way and just get on with the business of living our best lives.

Children know the secret

Very rarely do you come across a toddler or baby that worries that they’re not good enough. How much joy do we get on social media from seeing children just full of fun and laughter, dancing for no reason or singing and simply being…

DancingThere’s recognition of something that we know we’ve lost, but are afraid to admit. I mean who the hell made up the rule that as adults we need to be ‘sensible?’ that we shouldn’t dance or sing with joy, that we shouldn’t believe in magic and dreams and completely believe ANYTHING is possible?

How well are you looking after yourself when you criticise and berate yourself?

Instead of sending the focus of your positive affirmations outside and onto others, appreciating their qualities and talents, you would be better to create a more positive mind-set within yourself and around who YOU are.

Like attracts Like

If you have a desire for success, whatever that looks like to you, how can you create this success if at the same time your mind talk  and constant criticism indicates that you’re undeserving?

To create success, whatever that may look like, you need positivity. A healthy nurturing mindset and context into which the success can appear. This is why there are still wealthy people who are unhappy, super rich and talented sports people who are depressed, super-slim and beautiful women who are suicidal.

Despite having ‘IT ALL’ as we are brainwashed into thinking, they are obviously still discouraging themselves and feeling unworthy because of their inner critic. This creating a toxic and depressing inner world and leads to external symptoms of insecurity and self-loathing.

buddha-562033_1280This is what you’re doing to yourself when you tell yourself you’re unworthy or wrong or just ‘toooo…’

The skin you’re in is unique.

You are the only ‘you’ there is.

You have a set of gifts and features that are a unique and special combination and are found only in you, so rare that the odds are millions, probably trillions to one that that same combination will be found elsewhere.

I don’t know about you, but if I found something that rare, my tendency would be to cherish it, care for it and make sure it as well looked after. I would want it to know every day how beautiful and rare I thought it was.

This is how you should speak to yourself!

Unique NOT the freak

fractal spiritWhen you speak positively to yourself, when you focus on your talents and gifts, when you appreciate your creativity, kindness or the myriad  of other features all positive and that YOU bring to the world,  you to develop a mind-set and thought process that is positive. A mind-set that uplifts and believes in you, a mind-set that is focused on creating SUCCESS.

For this week, When you find yourself criticising yourself (you know those thoughts that start with ‘I wish I…) make a deliberate effort to think about the talents and skills or features you have that you LIKE about yourself, the things that make you unique, that confirm that you’re one in a million.

Practise… and soon you’ll be smiling. You may even find yourself, like the toddler dancing with joy for no reason.

Pretty soon, you’ll find that you are indeed:

Loving the skin you’re in!

A Space to B… Appreciate the uniqueness of YOU..

Blissings & much Love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Being Tested

Happy Sunday everyone,

Over the last couple of weeks I was being tested.

Tested Big time!

I’m sure we’ve all known those times, times when you want to pursue a goal or particular direction, yet the energies seem to be conspiring to either scupper your efforts or keep you in your current space.

What to do in this situation?

My response is: DO NOTHING

Now when I say do nothing I don’t mean absolutely nothing, but I do mean don’t push against the energy.

stickman-310590_150You think you’re so sure?

You see, I’ve noticed in life that when we decide to be or do something different or change in some way the universe will challenge you. “Are you sure this is what you want?” she demands “Yes” you reply and again comes the ‘You sure you’re sure?” and sometimes, even when for a second time your conviction holds and you navigate another hurdle she’ll (the universe is always a ‘she’ to me) come in with another…

“I’m not convinced; prove it to me one more time!”

Boy! This universe is a hard woman to convince eh?

But these challenges are not easy choices to make. For example:

You may be thinking of changing your job. You’re not being as stimulated as you once were, you perhaps are not getting the recognition you feel you deserve or whatever the reason.

You decide to leave: YOU SURE?

You investigate and make connections and an opportunity presents itself. It’s with a relatively new company, more responsibility and challenge and a great match for your skills and values; a huge potential for growth, maybe even a stake in the company in the future.

fitness-332278_150Like a giddy Kipper!

You get fired up about it, you consider it carefully, you’re excited and full of joy a feeling you haven’t felt in some time and like a giddy Kipper you convince your partner that you’ll be so much happier, that it’s a better fit for you and that the future holds the potential for greater promise if you travel this path. It will just take some time to fully realise its potential.

You’re all set to leave: YOU SURE YOU’RE SURE?

And then your current boss invites you into their office and offers you the promotion you’ve been wanting for the last year and a half!

The one you’ve worked for and deserve and had lost hope of achieving. It’s much more rewarding financially than the vibrant new opportunity, but your boss is a challenge and there have been times when you didn’t agree with decisions they made nor how they made them.

It would mean staying within the confines of a large organisation and the structure, rather than the ‘freer’ environment and autonomy of the new opportunity.

You have to think. You agonise for days (your boss gives time), but you know you can’t take too long as they’ll think you’re not enthusiastic and a little ungrateful; after all, you’ve wanted this for many, months.

No…I’m sure, I’m sure

You decide that you’re still going for the opportunity that offers autonomy and expansion and then:

“BLAM!” 

She says: I’M NOT CONVINCED PROVE IT TO ME ONE MORE TIME!

You find out you’re having baby…

Jeez!

Do you:

  1. Stay…Take the stability, comfort and security, the familiar structure that you know how to navigate, the ‘devil you know.’
  2. Take the risk on an unknown future, with potentially unsteady and unproven variables yet potentially the reward, lifestyle and peace of mind you’ve always dreamed of?

Do you stay true to the YOU you want to be or the you you already know how to be?

This is the space I have been in over the last few weeks and the space I’m sure many of you will find yourself in at some point in your life. This is what I have learnt.

Be still…

Be still and listen for the Divine Whispers

arm-wrestling-176645_150The push & the pull

In middle school we had a gruff, blustery teacher named Mr Hardy. He was a rugged Geordie and very ‘no-nonsense.’

As well as being my form tutor he ran the gymnastics team of which I was a member. Now, I think we all know the form and shape expected of a gymnast. I on the other, hand have always been more of a Serena Williams body type, boobs and all! In most conventional thinking not the most efficient shape for elevations, lifts, jumps and springs; yet I did very well, but you can imagine I often felt a bit like a sunflower in a garden full peonies as well as a deep-seated  insecurity among those sylph like others, who seemed to effortlessly glide through the air like a hot knife through butter.

One day he pulled me aside and asked me a question:

“Pauline,” he said “ have you ever tried pushing a pram on the sand?

“No sir” I answered.

“Well,” he responded, “you push and push and you just churn up more sand and the wheels get even more stuck, your progress is erratic and you get tired. Do you know what you should do?”

Of course I didn’t and told him so. He said…

“Turn around and pull…then you’ll glide over the surface with ease”

water-256195_150Flow

There is a point to this…I’m coming

You know I never forgot what he said.

I have remembered this throughout out my life and it has served me well.

To me he was telling me to stop trying so hard…to relax and let my muscles do what I was training them to. The ‘effort’ I was putting in was causing tension and that tension was creating stiffness and not the flow’ necessary for transformation.

The very effect I was trying so hard to create I was constraining. I needed to let go and turn around and ‘PULL’ I would find the movements would then unfold and create themselves effortlessly.

So, I’m in the middle of being tested and I remember the story. I remember and chose to stop endlessly ruminating on the topic, do the necessary but not make major decisions and be still…

whisper-408482_1280Whispers

As soon as I did the ‘whispers started’

  1. I was watching a film and heard “stay the course” twice…
  2. Then I heard the phrase “Be the true you” I knew these phrases were messages to me because you know when you get that churn or wrench in your stomach/solar plexus as if you’re being told to:

‘Pay attention?’

butterfly-108616_150Then there were butterflies; not unusual at this time of the year I know, yet I seemed to be followed by them and they were unusually tame around me. I even had one following me in the middle of London!

On looking them up their significance I see:

“Lighten up and stop taking everything so seriously. Get ready for a big change, one where and old habit, way of thinking, or lifestyle is going out, and a new beginning is emerging. It’s time to make the changes you’ve been considering. In spite of the challenges you’ll get through this transition, and as always know that ‘this too shall pass.’”

Well blow me down with a feather!

Clarity

It was clear to me that I indeed WAS being tested. Tested to know completely that what I was choosing was exactly what I REALLY WANTED, being tested and challenged to recognise when I’m being guided and supported and being tested to

`Trust my own inner guidance.’

zen-178992_150If we are to ‘stay the course’ when things get tough, we need to have complete conviction.

This conviction comes from pushing through resistance and knowing absolutely that the path we have chosen is the one we truly want. In order to know this we need to have fought for it, to face adversity to win it and so the universe will ‘test.’ You, but will show up to guide you and give you clues too.

‘In gratitude’ to Mr Hardy

At various stages in my life I have recalled `Mr Hardy’s voice telling me this tale. Mostly at times in my life when I was being tested, had decisions to make and I have automatically gotten into worry or anxiety mode. When I’ve been pushing myself for a finite and definite response and ‘stressing.’ Not knowing which direction to take.

Sometimes these dilemmas have been about my life path, or decisions about career and work, sometimes the decisions have been ones about love and partnerships.

When we remember Mr Hardy’s tale it reminds us to:

  1. Stop…turn around
  2. Be still… listen for the divine whispers
  3. Heed the messages we’re being given and only then should we move….  We’ll find then that we’ll glide over the sand.

2014-04-29 18.35.30Do you need an opportunity to be still and read the ‘whispers?’

Perhaps you’re restless and  you know there’s more

Perhaps like me you’re being tested

Perhaps it’s just a niggling feeling…

Perhaps you’ve decided things need to change but simply need support and guidance

On 22nd August take some time and ‘listen.’

I’ve created a space for just 28 people…

An intimate supportive and powerful workshop where you get to focus on YOU

A Space for you to become still and start ‘pulling’ YOUR  pram across the sand.

https://spacetob.eventbrite.co.uk

Blissings and much love

Insightful Angel

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My Pledge – I am

Happy Tuesday all,

It’s Rather unusual I know for me to be posting today, but I’m feeling triumphant but exhausted. I’ve spent the best part of  4 hours searching google for my disappeared posts and copying, pasting and re-typing them. This process took concentration and patience and in this state I began musing.

You see I have a vision of what I feel my service to the world is and I’ve kind of in a muddled-not-very-clear way expressed it, but today I decided to GET CLEAR.When I got clear I knew I needed to declare it, so that I become accountable, so that you can call me to task and say: “You said you’d do/be X-Y-Z.” So below is my manifesto: My Pledge – ‘I AM’ statement

i-am-429698_1280I am

Loving, open space. I am safety, I am possibility & fearlessness.

I shine.

I am powerful beyond what my conscious mind can conceive. I am amazing; an example to others of human potentiality.

I am JOY!

I see the best of you, in ALL of you and support you so you feel free enough to allow your light to shine and your power to flow.

angel-645591_1280

I am the spark that ignites the potentiality in others, so they can stand; fully immersed in the completeness of the power they know is within and the abundance they know they deserve

I am present & respect the imperfect perfection in us all, reflecting back to you everything you can be, do & have, and in so doing, I propel you into the light of your own being

I am everything & nothing

I am full & complete.

I celebrate all of life, all of my feelings, all my wants and desires, all of my failings and successes.

All are mine & all are perfect because they belong to ME!

I am whole; I am good, I am OK

I am the lilting breeze, the raging storm and the soft milk moon because every part of me is a part of everything.

hands-423794_1280

I am Complete

I am ME

My hope for you

Is that you deeply connect with the meaning in my words and through them begin to connect with your own wonder. I commit to working with you to see your light and to use my skills and talents to support you so you can bring your talents, joys and light into the world, for as Marianne Williamson says:

I vow to lose my personal fear so, help me to help YOU and to DO exactly what my heart tells me I am here for.

22nd August 2015 you are invited here: 

A Space To B…Me

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

 

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Half Century

Happy Sunday all,

This isn’t the post I intended to send to you today. I had a minor disaster a few minutes ago and at the point of completion, my post for this week disappeared. (Thank you WordPress). Two hours of time and loving labour down the drain on a sunny Sunday. Not happy as you can imagine.

Anyhow, I’ve picked myself up and decided to change my theme as I love sending these messages to you and truly appreciate the loving support I get from you all.

Well, Yesterday I reached a landmark. I managed to get through a ‘Half  Century’ on this plane.

 Half Century

be-511555_1280Half century of (and in no particular order) Self discovery and challenge, a half century of worry and stress, a half century of love & loving and joy, a half century of hope and dreaming, a half century of disappointment and letdown, a half century of laughter and tears, a half century of …‘the little things,’ a half century of magic and blissings, a half century of fun and learning and frustration and pain, a half century of being and doing, a half century of ME.

Just me learning and growing and becoming ME

The more I become ME, the happier I am

The more loving I am and the more love I receive in return.

The more accepting I am of ME the more acceptance I receive

The journey

2014-06-01 20.09.36On this journey I have discovered many things. Many things which I often share with you here, but if there is one thing I’d share in the hope that you truly understand, one message that I hope my children, your children, you and all you know will hear and truly take to heart, then that one message, THE most significant gift I can give you is this…

Find and be YOU, the real, authentic, maddening, loving, eclectic, funny, quirky, sophisticated, complex, annoying, talented, creative, original you – As soon as possible and step right into those shoes made just for YOU.

Learn from me: Each one Teach one

Know that whoever you are, you show the glory of the universe back to itself. That all you ever want or ever need is available to YOU if YOU decide you are worthy of it.friends-52662_150

  • Life has taught me that resistance is futile. Resistance creates tension and tension creates pressure and pressure leads to the organism breaking down
  • Life has taught me that we are here to be happy, deliriously and ecstatically happy and if we’re not we have a divine right to change things so that we are
  • Life has taught me that worry is nonsense. It simply creates upset and tension (see above)
  • Life has taught me that it will always be alright in the end
  • Life has taught me that you are guided and you are never alone
  • Life has taught me that if we do not pay attention to and learn the lessons we are being taught we WILL have to repeat them again and again, with increasing degrees of pain until we DO pay attention.
  • Life has taught me that LOVE is all there is…Love conquers all
  • Life has taught me we can have, be and do anything we choose…

You, you and you alone…Watch your words

It’s all down to YOU.

Your thoughts, your deeds your intentions.

They all emanate from you and so you create your world from YOU and for YOU

Make no apology for being YOU

Be loyal to YOU

Accept YOU

Be kind to YOU

Respect YOU

Love YOU

Be silent with YOU

Cherish the uniqueness of YOU

Be fully present and celebrate the Wonder that is YOU:

 Much love & Blissings

Insightful Angel

 

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When things fall apart

Happy Sunday,

Yesterday I broke.

self-doubt-424968_1280I literally fell apart. I was in bits…I crashed to the floor into a million shiny pieces and had no idea how to glue myself back together.

“Things fall apart” is a book by Chinua Achebe and concerns the issues face by a controlling, dominant man who has a strict idea of what it means to be a man. The reality is he has no control over anything save his own words and actions. The lesson I took from that is that in life one has to yield…When we are rigid and insist we know it all life more than often throws you a curve ball just as a reminder.  The only thing you can do in that instance is decide:

‘WHO’ do I choose to be in response to this event/situation, who am I going to be right now?’

I am undone…

mourning-360500_150I had been given some devastating news, news which sent me into a tailspin, news which changed what I knew as truth and turned it upside down. It kicked me HARD in the gut. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t DO anything. I knew this could be the undoing of me and I had no idea how to hold myself together.

I was numb…

I felt if I moved or thought, or anything I would never be able to recover myself and after all the things I’ve had to pick myself up from this was the one that would be the undoing of me.

I did nothing…Literally nothing.

Then the stillness came

bank-340779_150So I was just still…No blinking, I don’t recall any breathing (though there must have been some as I’m still here) I clenched and held on tight. There were no tears, no noise, no emotion, no thought whatsoever and I was terrified. I have never been in a space of absolutely no reaction whatsoever before, but I knew there was nothing else.

My mind and body took over.

For nearly three hours I was like this…fortunately I had received the devastating news at precisely 3.25am (funny how you recall minute detail in a crisis) It’s as if everything becomes heightened and you’re sharper in a weird, floaty, other-worldy kind of way.

At 6.15am my mind kicked in and reminded me from somewhere in my subconscious that I have day two of a fantastic Coaching Training course to attend and I needed to DO SOMETHING!

Autopilot

portrait-317041_640I don’t really recall getting ready, I must have drifted in and out of…not consciousness, but more an awareness of reality as my next memory was walking into the city centre to the hotel where the event was being held. As I walked I heard a voice inside, a voice which obviously had some fight in her… a determined self-preservation saying…

‘Come on! don’t break, Step towards your life…you have a life to live!’

It was like a mantra and propelled me towards the hotel. I was still holding on all the way, the tension was there. Before I knew it I was at the entrance and jolted back into reality. When I saw my new-found friends from the programme a part of me felt as if it had come back to itself. I did the usual exchanging of pleasantries and began to feel a little better.

But I was still holding…

The pressure was building, but if there’s one thing I am good at it’s pushing those feelings down and not letting them control me…I’ve had a lot of practise when it comes to picking myself up and getting on with it! It’s a challenging path…It’s a lonely one, there have been times when I really didn’t think I could make it one more day, times when I  have been spent and had no idea how or where to find the courage and strength to do what I had to…

I have been deep, but usually there’s no-one there and so I learnt to ‘get on with it,’ and break down in private. Little did I know the universe would take me even deeper and expose me. My worst night mare come true.

There was a huge knot in my gut…and a constriction of my throat. I knew It would be impossible for me to eat.

Vesuvius! – Explode…Expose…Exhalevolcanic-eruption-67668_1280

The room was warm.

It got warmer and warmer, the facilitator was explaining the first task. My mind was grateful. Good I get to practise my coaching and get some feedback. And then it happened. The dam broke!

Overwhelm followed. The feelings I had repressed all morning, the control I’d wrestled to keep a hold of weakened…I weakened and the flood commenced.

I held my nose, I gritted my teeth, I clenched my fists and nothing was able to get me back to my equilibrium. I had not choice but to just let it out. I had to leave the room. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. I’d let myself down. I’m supposed to be able to deal with anything. I’m the ‘strong one! for god’s sake!’

The wonderful Claire, who was sitting opposite me and who was my partner in the exercise followed me outside and did…

NOTHING!

It was just what I needed her to do…

Surrendersad-girl-236769_150

In that moment I gave in…

I surrendered.

I surrendered to the agony and the pain and the loss and when all I could do was sob and mourn and wail and sob some more and shake and cry, I learnt several lessons in that moment:

  1. My/our feelings are nothing I need to feel ashamed of.
  2. They’re mine/ours and they’re OK
  3. They are there to guide us and they are there to support our spiritual and emotional health. It’s OK to feel… It’s OK to let the flow happen.
  4. When I dive into my feelings…really let myself be immersed in them I come through the other side lighter and wiser and freer. There’s less tension and a greater acceptance.
  5. When things fall apart…wail, cry, scream and then just breathe
  6. I’m not perfect and I don’t have to be…the only person that expects that of me…IS ME!

(What the hell would perfection look like anyway?…We’re always learning always expanding). When has there been a day when we did not learn something new about ourselves or the world in general or about another?

Most importantly, I learnt that we are LOVE. 

In what way can you be love today? Be it…Show it…You may just save someone’s life.

Love is…

beach-193786_150Our instinct is to reach out, to support and to love. I’ve always believed that, yet it can seem today, with all the horrible things occurring in our modern world and how often the needs of others are ignored, that that’s not the case. I have often doubted it myself, chastising myself for being believing this and being so naïve and telling myself to ‘Get real,’ or ‘Grow up.’  

The only time we reject and hurt and decry and break down and slander and try to own others or keep them with us, is when we are afraid within ourselves, it’s out of a desire to maintain OUR comfort. Afraid of how we’ll be seen in comparison or afraid of the unknown because we’ve never navigate this emotional or physical territory before or else afraid we’re getting close to revealing our insecurity or our hidden thoughts about ourselves and we’ll be rejected.

Many of us are prepared to fight to the death to keep up a situation that is miserable because it’s familiar. Even if others who we profess to love, get hurt in the process. If love is showing up in this way, that’s not love.

That’s fear, possession, greed, selfishness, it’s insecurity it’s NEEDINESS

That’s most definitely NOT love.

Love is and will always be a ‘Giving’ emotion. It can take no other form. If it feels any different, then some other desire or need is driving its expression

My newfound friends created a loving space for me to just be.

They did not judge me, they did not question me or quiz me. They simply let me express whatever It was I needed to in that moment. They exhibited pure acceptance and love and in so doing allowed me to love and accept myself that bit more.

The timing was uncanny: And so I had another confirmation of a long-held belief of mine:

Divinity…

  • The universe is divine wisdom.
  • We are a part of that wisdom
  • It works through and for ALL of us

thank-you-140227_640Without the support I received yesterday I truly think I could honestly have been a ‘bit of a basket case!’

The universe knew that when I received my news I would need support and as I live alone it’s rather uncanny isn’t it, that I was on a training programme with exactly the kinds of people I would need to get me through the emotions I experienced.

Synchronicity…Kismet… Co-incidence. Call it what you will. We have all had such incidents in our lives. They’re evidence of the support the universe puts in place when we need it and YES that includes you!

Perhaps it’s a fleeting introduction to or meeting with someone who is doing, being, having a career or lifestyle you have dreams of, perhaps it’s someone who through your interaction creates a feeling of the support, accomplishment, love and happiness you are aching for?

‘When the student is ready the master appears!’

2014-06-22 11.18.54We are given samples, given brief glimpses of what our soul knows is right for us, so that we allow go after it and muster enough courage and self-love to step into what we know in our hearts we truly deserve.

Every moment of our lives we should feel grateful, blessed and In love.

With ourselves, our lives and (if you have a significant other) with our partners and children. If you don’t.

Make the change…

Be vulnerable and brave

Follow your feelings…

Therein lies the source of your happiness.

Blessings and much love

Insightful Angel 

 

 

 

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In search of Joy?

Hello there, How are you this Happy Sunday?

In this conversation I’d like us to consider how we can live, as I firmly believe we are here to live life, which is fully, completely, whole-heartedly and in Joy and NOT as drudges or in a perpetual state of tiredness making do, putting up with, accepting and OR running, running and running, to  feel as if we’re going no-where; wondering ‘is this all there is?’

The dictionary defines ‘Comfort.’ as:

  • 1. A state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint.
  • 2. consolation for grief or anxiety.
  • 3. Verb to feel less unhappy

Whereas ‘Joy’ is defined as:

  • 1. A feeling of great pleasure and happiness.
  • 2. Success or satisfaction
  • Synonyms cited are words such as; bliss delight, ecstasy, euphoria, rapture

Which do you choose?

right-238369_150Looking at both of these definitions, I know which one I would prefer to experience. How often though do we opt for the former state repressing and containing our joy ‘just in case,’ so we’re not too disappointed should our success/love/ambition be snatched away or worse still we fail?

On an episode of Oprah Winfrey’s ‘Super Soul Sunday,’ Dr Brené Brown discusses her *4 guideline for wholehearted living, which she says is:

  • ‘The cultivation of Gratitude and Joy.’
  • Letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark

‘When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, Joy becomes foreboding.’

Brené continues this means:

I’m not going to feel you, I’m not going to soften into this moment of joy, because I’m scared. I’m afraid it’s going to be taken away from me.’ 

 

I recognise this scenario only too well myself.

fear-299679_640The fearful ‘What if?’

The younger version of me was a very contained person. I rarely cried. I had learnt early on to repress emotions, especially the ones which contained feelings of joy. In doing so I would never be disappointed. If I didn’t expect much than I wouldn’t suffer agony of not achieving/having my heart’s desire.

I was well practised at minimising the ‘joy’ and opted instead for the familiarity and less threatening ‘comfortable.’ Feeling joy is inherently dangerous.

These feelings are, more often than not followed by the thought that something ‘bad’ or unsavoury is just around the corner because it all feels just a little ‘TOO’ good and I know you know what I’m talking about!

Every so often we’ll do a little mental inventory of where we’re at.

Once we work our way down the tick-list and slowly realise that things are going good… not only that, things are good in all areas; work, home, parents, friends, financial etc…we begin to assume that it can’t ALL be this good and something bad is lurking just around the corner.

I’ve heard it from friends, family members and colleagues many times… ‘It won’t last…’ ‘Yeah I’m good… something’s bound to go wrong!’ and although we may say it ‘tongue in cheek’…somewhere deep down we believe it.

Without Vulnerability there can be no Joy

self-doubt-424968_1280At this point in my life I can honestly confess to you that I am living in JOY.

It’s amazing!

It’s where everyone should living

Not a day goes by without someone telling me how wonderful I look and that is because of the joy which simply oozes out from within me. It is a better state to be in than the ‘comfortable’ state of being in which I refused to feel, to express, to be too big, to dare too greatly incase it was all snatched away and I would be left bereft.

 

Opening up to JOY makes you VULNERABLE

Roller-Coaster OR Merry-GO-Round?

roundabout-57858_150The former choice is to choose the ‘Merry-go-Round’ of life. There’s some movement, but after a few times round you kind of get to know what’s coming up next. You’ve been here before, you can handle this, you’re armed and ready. No surprises!

The alternative is the Roller Coaster…It scares the S**t out of you, you don’t know if you’ll survive it…the intensity of it…it’s not safe, what if you fall off? So many uncertainties to counter. ride-61624_1280

But…let me tell you how wonderful it is to bite the bullet and ride that damned roller-coaster!

Yes! All the aforementioned fears are credible, but if you’ve every ridden a roller-coaster you know the thrill, the feeling of being alive that you experience. Every fibre of your being, every nerve ending, every sense is sharp and alert.

Expanded…more alert…more alive!

You feel expanded and fearful, yet strangely fearless at the same time. You’re out of control and vulnerable, stripped back and laid bare, much like the feelings you experience when making love…didn’t our dictionary offer up the synonyms ‘rapture,’ and ‘ecstasy?’

In that moment you can do nothing but surrender to the experience because whether in that moment you live or die is no longer in your control!human-329851_150

When we surrender…When we submit to vulnerability we expand

On reflection you realise you’ve expanded your being somehow. You’re somehow bigger, brighter!

You’re no longer shrunken and you can’t go back.

In fact the immediate want once you’ve jumped off a roller-caster is often to jump straight back on and experience it all over again because your realise the next time you will fully commit to FEELING the joy in what you’re doing.  You realise that the first time there was still some fear and a part of you was holding back.

Red pill or blue…which will you choose?

So this week…I’m challenging you (and myself) to be vulnerable. To allow yourself to climb onto the roller-coaster and go for the ride of your life!

Expose yourself…reveal… who you are…dare to submit and if you can do this alongside cultivating feelings of gratitude I guarantee you will not regret it.

Is there something you want to do or achieve that scares you? Great! make a change and take a step towards it. You’re scared for all the reasons I stated above, but be assured stepping into it will catapult you into such a feeling of joy and gratitude and expansion you will never want to ride the merry-go-round again.

I confess…

sad-girl-236769_150This week I realised a great fear I have had all my life…so here and now I will expose myself to you my readers, supporters and friends. If I am to support others on their journey I need to fully immerse myself in the principles I say I hold dear and so I’m allowing myself to be vulnerable and share with you my vision.

It’s one which scares me.

It feels arrogant and reminds me of all those times when asked as a child, ‘Who do you think you are?’ or as an adult accused (more than once) of thinking I am ‘better than everyone else!’

I forced myself to create a mission statement for my Personal Development and Coaching business this week and as I looked at the words I’d written in pink ink, I felt a tremendous fear rise and that familiar voice inside said ‘WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?’

So here in pink…I am declaring the me I am choose to be in this world: I declare that I aim to be:

“The Spark that ignites the power and potentiality in others.

To stand bathed in, fully immersed in my magnificence, power and abundance

and to always support others to do the same.”

The Challenge

Sure there are no guarantees…accessing your joy doesn’t mean life’s trials suddenly melt away, but boy are you more ready and capable of dealing with them and you’ll find you’ll come through stronger and more expanded…rock-climbing-403488_1280

A bigger, better version of you…

A version you accept and love…

The version of  you, you were always meant to be.

 

Blessings & much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

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