Tag Archives: Happiness

Lovesick

Happy Sunday all,

Lovesick

2014-07-05 05.59.11One of my greatest moments of sadness is when I stand in front of a class of children and through the conversation I realise they do not love themselves. Like rest of us in society they are already ‘lovesick.’ I say ‘lovesick.’ because they have caught the bug and it’s  making them (and us) sick. It’s the thought that they’re not loveable, they’re not ‘good enough’ to be loved for who they/we truly are that is making us ill.

Our relationships and especially our love relationships are opportunities for us to decide who we are and choose who we want to be. If we assume (and I know this is true for me), we are here as creators, our relationships are a powerful vehicles which give us the chance to decide, as Neale Donald Walsche says:

“What part of yourself you’d like to see “show up,” not what part of another you can capture and hold.”

You did this…Oh yes you did!

you-151415_150In my experience of life and relationships I have learnt that our dealings with others are a space in which we have an opportunity to choose and to create ourselves in our own vision. However the reality for most of us is very different. The biggest challenge we face is accepting that ‘we,’ yes ‘we’ created our state of ‘lovesickness’ whatever situation we may mind ourselves in.

It’s not deliberate you understand and I for one am not exempt. Most of us look to find that ‘perfect one.’ The one that ‘completes’ us the ‘special one’ who makes us feel whole. This is the ideology that we feed into and which is re-inforced by the messages we receive every day.

Oh My gosh!

They just changed… they’re not the same anymore

How much pressure is that for our significant other? In not wanting to disappoint they/we try to be and do he things we know our partner says they ‘want’ and ‘need’ (both words which come from a place of ‘lack’ by the way!). We see our relationship as a place where we should be what we think the ‘other’ needs. We then spend so much time bending and shaping ourselves like a pretzel into our idea of what we think they want that we end up not knowing which way is up, who we are, or what we think we want to be.

mask-178262_150Finally, we get to a point where we can no longer keep up the pretence. It wasn’t deliberate, you understand, but eventually there’s the realisation that who we’re being in this relationship is not the ‘me’ we choose to project, the ‘authentic’ being that is expressing in a way that is acceptable to our soul and so we have no choice but to show our ‘real’ selves.

Our significant ‘other’ then says ‘we’ve changed.’ and I guess what? We have because we are now reclaiming our true selves and acting authentically, finally listening to the whisperings of our soul.

Giving up…giving in

It can take a few of these experiences before we realise that we’re going about it all wrong. When this happens most of us either settle for our lowest expectation or nurse the idea that we are fine with nothing at all. We choose companionship, give up on our highest and grandest vision of ourselves, we settle. The energy and vibrancy of youthful expectation has now diminished, (in most cases disappeared) and our passion, sexual enthusiasm and expression are now merely dying embers. We’re somewhere between our late 30s and our 60s and we’re tired!

 Relationships never really fail

walk-932965_1280This state of  being lovesick causes the relationship to end and one or other, or both’s feelings turn to resentment and then comes the anger!

Relationships ‘fail’ only because we stepped into them for the wrong reasons, not because (as is commonly thought), that they didn’t produce what we thought we wanted. In the main, most of us are looking for what we can get out of a relationship when we enter into it, instead of thinking what can we ‘add to’ it.

The only reason to have relationships is to decide who you really are and to choose to express that self through your reactions, thoughts and deeds.

The paradox

There is no need for A.N. Other to express who you are, however without that ‘other’ we are nothing as we have nothing against whose speech, actions  and reactions we can choose to express.

Therein lies the paradox.

What most of us do however is create our dream according to the needs, thoughts and desires (or so we think) of or beloved other instead of the needs, thoughts and desires of our selves. And so we are not a state of love and loving, but of being ‘lovesick.’

We spend our time measuring how well the other lives up to our expectations and how well we live up to theirs, when really we should test our relationships according to how well we live up to our own ideas of ourselves!

Worry only about yourself and how much you can give.

It’s of no consequence what the other is doing, being, having, thinking, planning, saying…what matters is what you are being in relation to that

Radical thinking…

The most loving person is the most Self-centred.

If you cannot love yourself then you cannot love others. So let’s get well, stop falling into ‘lovesick’-ness, stop seeing ourselves through the love of another. These may sound like familiar thoughts:

‘If I can love them then they will love me;

If I can please others then they will like me;

If I am loving towards others they will think I am loveable.’

We feel there is no-one that loves us. As a result we experience the reverse; Our thoughts become ones of self-hate (lovesick) because:

 The truth is you will never truly accept the love of another until you love yourself.

balloon-104609_640So, for this week (and the weeks to come) make your focus one of loving yourself. Speak gently to yourself, forgive yourself, accept who you are remember we’re simply learning lessons and being given opportunities to decide who and what we choose to be.

We’re her to experience who and what we really are. Who you are is who you choose to show yourself as according to the influence of everything that you experience.

So choose wisely…

Choose Authenticity

Choose YOU!

Blissings and much love

Insightful Angel x

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In search of Joy?

Hello there, How are you this Happy Sunday?

In this conversation I’d like us to consider how we can live, as I firmly believe we are here to live life, which is fully, completely, whole-heartedly and in Joy and NOT as drudges or in a perpetual state of tiredness making do, putting up with, accepting and OR running, running and running, to  feel as if we’re going no-where; wondering ‘is this all there is?’

The dictionary defines ‘Comfort.’ as:

  • 1. A state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint.
  • 2. consolation for grief or anxiety.
  • 3. Verb to feel less unhappy

Whereas ‘Joy’ is defined as:

  • 1. A feeling of great pleasure and happiness.
  • 2. Success or satisfaction
  • Synonyms cited are words such as; bliss delight, ecstasy, euphoria, rapture

Which do you choose?

right-238369_150Looking at both of these definitions, I know which one I would prefer to experience. How often though do we opt for the former state repressing and containing our joy ‘just in case,’ so we’re not too disappointed should our success/love/ambition be snatched away or worse still we fail?

On an episode of Oprah Winfrey’s ‘Super Soul Sunday,’ Dr Brené Brown discusses her *4 guideline for wholehearted living, which she says is:

  • ‘The cultivation of Gratitude and Joy.’
  • Letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark

‘When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, Joy becomes foreboding.’

Brené continues this means:

I’m not going to feel you, I’m not going to soften into this moment of joy, because I’m scared. I’m afraid it’s going to be taken away from me.’ 

 

I recognise this scenario only too well myself.

fear-299679_640The fearful ‘What if?’

The younger version of me was a very contained person. I rarely cried. I had learnt early on to repress emotions, especially the ones which contained feelings of joy. In doing so I would never be disappointed. If I didn’t expect much than I wouldn’t suffer agony of not achieving/having my heart’s desire.

I was well practised at minimising the ‘joy’ and opted instead for the familiarity and less threatening ‘comfortable.’ Feeling joy is inherently dangerous.

These feelings are, more often than not followed by the thought that something ‘bad’ or unsavoury is just around the corner because it all feels just a little ‘TOO’ good and I know you know what I’m talking about!

Every so often we’ll do a little mental inventory of where we’re at.

Once we work our way down the tick-list and slowly realise that things are going good… not only that, things are good in all areas; work, home, parents, friends, financial etc…we begin to assume that it can’t ALL be this good and something bad is lurking just around the corner.

I’ve heard it from friends, family members and colleagues many times… ‘It won’t last…’ ‘Yeah I’m good… something’s bound to go wrong!’ and although we may say it ‘tongue in cheek’…somewhere deep down we believe it.

Without Vulnerability there can be no Joy

self-doubt-424968_1280At this point in my life I can honestly confess to you that I am living in JOY.

It’s amazing!

It’s where everyone should living

Not a day goes by without someone telling me how wonderful I look and that is because of the joy which simply oozes out from within me. It is a better state to be in than the ‘comfortable’ state of being in which I refused to feel, to express, to be too big, to dare too greatly incase it was all snatched away and I would be left bereft.

 

Opening up to JOY makes you VULNERABLE

Roller-Coaster OR Merry-GO-Round?

roundabout-57858_150The former choice is to choose the ‘Merry-go-Round’ of life. There’s some movement, but after a few times round you kind of get to know what’s coming up next. You’ve been here before, you can handle this, you’re armed and ready. No surprises!

The alternative is the Roller Coaster…It scares the S**t out of you, you don’t know if you’ll survive it…the intensity of it…it’s not safe, what if you fall off? So many uncertainties to counter. ride-61624_1280

But…let me tell you how wonderful it is to bite the bullet and ride that damned roller-coaster!

Yes! All the aforementioned fears are credible, but if you’ve every ridden a roller-coaster you know the thrill, the feeling of being alive that you experience. Every fibre of your being, every nerve ending, every sense is sharp and alert.

Expanded…more alert…more alive!

You feel expanded and fearful, yet strangely fearless at the same time. You’re out of control and vulnerable, stripped back and laid bare, much like the feelings you experience when making love…didn’t our dictionary offer up the synonyms ‘rapture,’ and ‘ecstasy?’

In that moment you can do nothing but surrender to the experience because whether in that moment you live or die is no longer in your control!human-329851_150

When we surrender…When we submit to vulnerability we expand

On reflection you realise you’ve expanded your being somehow. You’re somehow bigger, brighter!

You’re no longer shrunken and you can’t go back.

In fact the immediate want once you’ve jumped off a roller-caster is often to jump straight back on and experience it all over again because your realise the next time you will fully commit to FEELING the joy in what you’re doing.  You realise that the first time there was still some fear and a part of you was holding back.

Red pill or blue…which will you choose?

So this week…I’m challenging you (and myself) to be vulnerable. To allow yourself to climb onto the roller-coaster and go for the ride of your life!

Expose yourself…reveal… who you are…dare to submit and if you can do this alongside cultivating feelings of gratitude I guarantee you will not regret it.

Is there something you want to do or achieve that scares you? Great! make a change and take a step towards it. You’re scared for all the reasons I stated above, but be assured stepping into it will catapult you into such a feeling of joy and gratitude and expansion you will never want to ride the merry-go-round again.

I confess…

sad-girl-236769_150This week I realised a great fear I have had all my life…so here and now I will expose myself to you my readers, supporters and friends. If I am to support others on their journey I need to fully immerse myself in the principles I say I hold dear and so I’m allowing myself to be vulnerable and share with you my vision.

It’s one which scares me.

It feels arrogant and reminds me of all those times when asked as a child, ‘Who do you think you are?’ or as an adult accused (more than once) of thinking I am ‘better than everyone else!’

I forced myself to create a mission statement for my Personal Development and Coaching business this week and as I looked at the words I’d written in pink ink, I felt a tremendous fear rise and that familiar voice inside said ‘WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?’

So here in pink…I am declaring the me I am choose to be in this world: I declare that I aim to be:

“The Spark that ignites the power and potentiality in others.

To stand bathed in, fully immersed in my magnificence, power and abundance

and to always support others to do the same.”

The Challenge

Sure there are no guarantees…accessing your joy doesn’t mean life’s trials suddenly melt away, but boy are you more ready and capable of dealing with them and you’ll find you’ll come through stronger and more expanded…rock-climbing-403488_1280

A bigger, better version of you…

A version you accept and love…

The version of  you, you were always meant to be.

 

Blessings & much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

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The Gift

Happy Sunday all,

The Beatles sang it and many poets have written it, but how true is it that ‘All we need is love.’ but what does that mean and is it true? ‘How do we access the gift of life?’

This late posting indicates the challenge I’ve had with this week’s topic. A challenge because I have so much I could say it’s been difficult to know where to start and what to include, but I hope it makes sense and resonates with you on some level.

Love & hate?

love-209900_150We hold the belief that hate is the opposite of love. Yet my life and experience has taught me that it is fear which is love’s opposite. As I grow to maturity, I notice increasingly that where there is misery or anger or disdain or whatever negative behaviour being displayed, that it’s FEAR that is at the root of it all. Osho provides a great analogy.

He says fear is darkness. It is the absence of love. You cannot touch darkness, nor smell it or throw it or do anything with it. Darkness is the absence of  light. To revel the darkness you switch off the light, but you’re still doing something with the light. In the same way fear is present when you switch off the love, but the ‘switching off.’ is with the love.

‘If you love well fear disappears…If you love deeply fear is not found.’      – Osho.

Most of us understand that what it feels to be in the absence of fear. If you’ve every loved another, been in love with another or experienced the love for your child you will have experienced moments of profound joy love, and expansiveness. loving in this open-hearted way was the gift itself and yet it may only have been a moment, but in that moment did your feel fear?

When you love deeply, fear disappears you become fearless. Fearless people have no need to create fear within another nor do they allow another to create fear within them.

Are you operating from love?

How ready are you to become fearless and love unconditionally? Most of us harbour that secret desire to be loved unconditionally for who we are, however, are YOU truly loving in the same way. Take a look at the most significant relationship in your life right now, it may be with a partner, wife, husband, son or daughter or parent.

love-278579_150Are you being completely open…are you fearless in your interactions and vulnerable? are you able to give unconditionally? The minute we start to think the other ‘should do this,’ ‘should be like that.’ only than will/can I love you.’ then we’re beginning to stifle the very thing which allowed us to feel free and real in the first place.

Love cannot be corralled and leashed and controlled like a wild pony. When we do this we’re creating a transaction, a bargain.heart-142736_150

  • Do you love your partner when they’re providing but lose respect for them if they lose their job?
  • Do you hear their concerns or fears when they attempt to open up to you or do you dismiss them?

Be honest…is there some form of bargain or condition in operation or are you genuinely giving. Unconditionally, with an open heart?heart-195305_150

  • Have you become complacent and take their being there for granted?
  • Have you stopped bringing gifts and tokens to show your appreciation,
  • Do you thank them for the things they do to make your life happier/more comfortable.

When was the last time you looked at them with an open heart and told them exactly what you love about them and meant it no strings, no expectation of a return or because you need something from them?

Your relationship, your responsibility…100%

always-226324_1280If you recall the moments when you fell in love, there was no bargaining, no conditions, you were fearless. The gift was in the giving.

Once the love settles we begin to fear.

Forget about the other person what are YOU doing with regard to love?

This applies or your relationship with yourself too…don’t forget that.

Fear – a Long, Slow Death

Caroline Myss says we know when we have ‘Betrayed Ourselves.’ and done something that was not for the benefit of our soul. You get that twinge, that moment of ‘Ewww!’ Perhaps I shouldn’t have said/done that.

It resonates in the feeling part of you.

Are you compromising in some way?

Are you betraying yourself? Existing…persisting with a situation/state of existence that you know in some part of you is slow death?

Why?

Why is ego…Why is security…Why is fear!

Your ego closes your palm and says ‘keep this money. We know exactly how many gold coins we have here.’ But what if someone came along who wanted to give you a diamond? How can your receive this added abundance if your palm is closed?

To open your palm is to risk losing the gold.gold-295936_1280

Death has no risk! Your problem is solved…keep our palm closed.

There’s no sickness or rejection or unknowns in death.

Life is risky…I should know I’ve taken enough risks to have many of them, in the eyes of others ‘fail.’ But I’ve had immense joys from those risks too that I would never had experienced from choosing the ‘safe’ ego based option.

It happens to us all

For many of us, our child hood signified insecurity. Financial, emotionally, intellectual and/or physical…If you is insecure about your needs being met there will be fear.

sad-girl-236769_150Financial – You’ll fear poverty and lack & so ‘Hold on.’

Emotional – You’ll fear rejection and hurt & so resist vulnerability

Intellectual – You’ll fear ridicule and lack confidence

Physical – You’ll lack trust and will create barriers to connection often through your own anger or belittling or criticism

As a myriad of people on the planet exist, so too the different ways that we manifest our fears.

People Pleaser or Trust Vampire?

Our fears create scenarios for either ‘people pleasing’ or an inability to trust. We fear vulnerability, for to truly love is to lay oneself bare, to strip back the mask and show ALL that you are.

But…’what if they don’t like what they see?’

Fundamentally the underlying feeling is ‘fear.’

house-wall-113542_1280For the people pleasers, it’s the fear of ‘being wrong’ yet in fearing being wrong, you lack trust in yourself as you never developed this trust  your own actions. That indecision means you are prone to hastily decide on a course(s) of action to have it ‘go wrong’ and then you’re even more fearful, even more unsure of yourself the next time.

For the trust vampire…well, it speaks for itself. You never allow yourself to be vulnerable in any way, shape or form and so keep everyone and everything at distance.

You feel secure, you have surety and familiarity, you are protected.

Palm closed…

Secure… like the butterfly within the Chrysalis or the plant within the seed…

The Gift

butterfly-108616_150For the butterfly to come to fly free or the seed to become a plant… there’s breaking through.

There’s risk…

There’s struggle and pressure.

To fully blossom the plant has to risk the burning heat of the sun, the cold of the winds and the battering of the rain. But in breaking through the seed/Chrysalis’ outer casing, by opening up and releasing the palm, there lies the beauty…

Only then can you receive the gift…

Blessings & Much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

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Being Present

Happy Sunday all and greetings from Toronto!

Today I’m sharing what happens when we focus on being present. Being present has alternatively been called mindfulness especially by some who perhaps feel meditation is perhaps ‘ too hippyish.’

As I didn’t take my laptop with me in holiday, the next-few posts will be somewhat reduced as I attempt to use my Kindle to write and post and I’m afraid there are less pretty pictures for you all but still the heartfelt, and I hope, powerful messages designed to help you step into your best version of yourself.

Out of Control

bank-340779_150This past week I have been out of control. That is to say my daily routine is being dictated by someone else, as my sister organises events for us to experience and takes the lead as we venture out.

Of course this makes complete sense and let me reassure you I’m having a ball and truly enjoying a well needed break from the norm; but I noticed that being ‘out of control,’ ‘out of my routine,’ and being led, means I am being more present.

Hypereal

My experiences are more vivid, almost hypereal as I am paying attention to every moment. Every step taken is new, unfamiliar and so needs concentration. Every turn, every new event or place to eat, every item in the shops, every new person I meet, the sound their voice, how they enunciate, it all takes focus and this focus means the peripherals, what happened before that moment or what may happen after it take extra energy I can’t afford and so I am totally ‘in the moment’ at all times.

Focused.

Being so present is making each experience all the more enjoyable as I take in all aspects of every one; as a result I am more grateful for the experience as I FULLY experience the beauty of each moment.

So, just for today.

Practise being present. Focus on really concentrating on every moment and experience the beauty and the gift ofumbrella-170962_150 the present moment.

Blessings & much love

Insightful Angel

 

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Message to my children

Three blessings!Happy Sunday everyone!

This post does ‘what it says on the tin!’ it’s a message my children a letter if you will, to let them know the main lesson I have learnt in life.

It’s every parent’s duty to at least try to make sure their children don’t make the same mistakes they did. Different ones, yes, but the same ones? That’s darn foolishness! Continue reading Message to my children

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Happiness and how to achieve it

Happy Sunday everyone!

This week I ruminate on the last of our most powerful regrets as we die.

It’s a biggie!

I wish I’d been happier

fitness-332278_150It pains me that so many of us today feel that happiness and how we gain it is such an elusive quality in our lives, as if it’s something that exists outside of ourselves.

The key to being happy, is first to believe you deserve it, to believe and really understand that it is the right of each one of us has the right to happiness in this life of ours.

We are not here to suffer.

We are not here to cry.

As I see it most of us fall into one of several types:

  • The one who chases it, believing external recognition or ‘things’ will make them happy
  • The one who believes everyone else has it but they don’t and never will
  • The one who believes to have it they need to take it from others
  • The one who believes the world is ‘agin ’em’
  • Then there’s the worst example of all the; ‘The Happiness Vampires: ‘ 

Vampires!dracula-151207_150

 

There are two types:

  1. They’re the ones who attach themselves to bright, shiny, upbeat, positive people and try to rubbish, criticise, ‘pooh pooh’ and generally throw cold water on their bright, warm positivity bonfire at every turn
  2. Or else they hang around manipulating them into using their talents to help them (the vampire recognises the food source by instinct. They’re usually ‘giving types’ so they use the energy of the giver, their greater energy and experience to boost themselves, suck them dry and then leave… stepping on their ‘spent’ carcass as they go!

All types are hoping to create one thing…

That you’ll become just like them…

See I’m right!

Their deepest desire is for you to begin to work in the world the way they do, think they way they think and generally agree with them so that they can feel justified in moaning and crying and bitching and simply wallowing, yes wallowing in their particular point of view.

I’m sure we can all bring to mind someone who falls into one or other of these categories, maybe it’s you? If so, the good news is, you didn’t start out that way…you changed and so you can make a choice and change once again.

honor-guard-67636_150Conformity, Consensus and Compliance

We all want to ‘fit in.’

We humans are pack animals and need to live in communities and communities by their very nature, need order and conformity to survive.

What most of the types listed are hoping to achieve is a shift in your attitudes and behaviours that mirror their own. This serves then to prove that their choices and attitudes are correct and they can then shout:

‘You see, so and so thinks like I do; I MUST be right!”

baby-29483_150From the cradle

The moulding & shaping starts early.

As children we are taught from well-meaning and loving adults that our natural exuberance (too loud), or curiosity (ask too many questions), or need to express our joy (showoff)…

Are just Not Acceptable in certain circumstances.

Over time those circumstances become too many and confusing to mention and then we’re so confused we just give up on being our authentic selves. It seems too hard and causes too much trouble (for others usually!)

Alternatively, we seek attention in negative and destructive ways in an effort to  be ‘seen’ and feel worthy.

Adulthood then becomes either an endless search (once we recognise something isn’t right and we’re more than this) to reclaim the lost ‘authentic self,’ or else it becomes a life of quiet and perpetual ‘desperation.’

Living lives that do not serve us.

Living lives that do not thrill us.

Those that embark on the search, in more cases than not, do so in the face of disapproval, criticism or resentment from the wider community. There goes that need to get you to ‘comply’ again!

Yet, we have the means to make ourselves happy all the time, at any time.

 Just do YOU

index-315754_150

In my experience the more you…

  • Follow your heart; you DO know what’s good for YOU
  • Listen to your intuition
  • Do the things that makes your heart sing, that makes time stands still and puts you in the ‘flow’
  • Show Compassion
  • Show Gratitude 
  • Show Love
  • Contribute to your Community & Society
  • Allow: Vulnerability in yourself and others: Be authentically you and allow others to show you themselves authentically
  • Honour your body by eating well and exercising. Appreciate who you are. Accept yourselfman-65693_150
  • Be Still: Regenerate and recuperate by being Silent and Still at some point every day.
  • Recognise your journey is YOURS and yours alone, you have the right and the freedom to Create the path you take
  • DO NO HARM: Verbally…Emotionally…Psychologically…Physically

These are the keys to being happy.

It may seem relatively simple, but it is!

As I navigate this journey of mine, I realise that the simpler my life gets the happier I become.

The more I adhere to the list, the more I’m fulfilled and the more joy I feel.

We are here to find our happiness, we are here to find JOY.

Take a look at your life. Which areas of the list could you work on? Start today and make a change. Just start with ONE thing.

Take the step today towards your happiness and make sure that when the time comes for you to leave this earthly plane you have absolutely…

NO REGRETS!

Blessings & Love

Insightful Angel

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