Tag Archives: Fear

Vulnerability

Happy Sunday All,

This week’s message scares the ‘bejesus’ out of me!

cute-18833_1280The ‘whispering’ last night was the word ‘honesty.’ That’s all I could hear in my mind…’Honesty,’ but on waking this morning and showering I knew it was a message more powerful than that. Vulnerability…  was all I could hear; being laid bare, raw and open is the message I am to bring to you today.

I’m sweating as I write and I can feel the resistance rising within me, but as I contemplate on the word ‘Vulnerability’ and what It is I should write, I realise I risk judgment and ridicule.

Thinking of vulnerability I remembered two experiences that illustrated perfectly how our vulnerability is a powerful connector and touch others far more deeply than simply talking.

A week of two ‘Whispers’

Incident number one was with Year 11 English…

It was a Tuesday, Lesson 1…

During a  quiz I sensed some tension between the groups, two in particular. This competition made me feel uneasy, as it felt more vitriolic and personal, so on Tuesday I mentioned what I’d noticed and went into one of my:

‘This is what I’ve learnt in life speeches…’

  • I launched into how our differences are our beauty and that criticism is cruel and serves no purpose as we all have UNIQUE gifts and our duty is to find them and share them with the world.
  • I revealed my own struggles with criticism as a child and how it’s taken too long for me to find my purpose and how now I’m deeply passionate about getting them to realise this much, much sooner than I, so they can feel fulfilled, happy and ‘right’ and stand in their power for a longer period of their lives.
  • I told them that I do this job because I love being connected to the energy and the beauty and the potential I see in them all and hopefully I can help show their magnificence back to so they can connect with it. And grow in confidence and self.2014-07-05 05.45.18

Instead of being sneered at by a group of cynical 15 & 16 year-olds I noticed them start to smile, some shyly, others more openly; they sat up and sat straighter and some of them actually seemed to light up. By being my usual ‘talk tu much’ open self I had connected far more deeply than I could have hoped. We had pretty good lessons that week…

‘Whisper’ No. 2

whisper-408482_1280The second incident occurred during an assembly. I had a Year 11 form class at the time (15-16 year-olds) if you’re wondering or you’re not in the UK as you read this. An age that can be particularly sneering and disparaging for many; or very painful and isolating for others. I’m a bit of a Mother Hen and like to know they have someone they can come to, but more often than not they don’t because it’s not ‘Cool,’ but I persist knowing that despite the bravado they are fearful and unsure and insecure for the most part as they ‘hatch’ and find their way in life.

I forget sometimes that I often ‘see’ what’s below the surface, all that literary analysis I guess?

One of my form pupils, a young woman, I’d noticed was always alone. She was a lovely girl. Seemed quietly self-assured yet ALWAYS alone, something told me that her aloneness was a shield and that she was ‘holding’ herself in. I somehow sensed a tension in her. So I asked her to sit next to me and just asked if she was alone through choice…

The tension that comes with holding

She began to shake…mildly at first and then the tears started silently streaming down her cheeks. We exited the hall together and sat and talked, she asked why I’d asked that question and I told her about the ‘tension’ I noticed and that I recognised it. The constant ‘holding yourself in’ for fear that you’ll fall apart if you ease up for even a second.

glass-101792_1280

A shattered mirror whose frame is desperately trying to keep the broken pieces in.

 

I recognised that…

I revealed how and why I had been so ‘tense’ as young person a ‘hold it all together’ person constantly unsure of who or what or why I was. I got so used to the holding, that as an adult I never cried and could be very aloof.

There were a lot of tears for her but also a release and a relaxation afterwards. She was grateful and somehow more peaceful, simply because she had been ‘seen’ by someone and through my vulnerability she realised she wasn’t alone, that connection was possible, that someone cared, that she could get help if she needed it.

What I don’t want you to know about me…

You see, we’re all ‘holding’ aren’t we? Even those of us who seem care-free and open are usually ‘hiding’ some part of ourselves, some quality or experience that we feel makes us ‘less than’

What I don’t want you to know about me is that I’m tired…

woman-1043030_1280Not physically tired, (though I am sometimes), but spiritually weak. I’ve tried and tried at this thing called life and I’m afraid I haven’t got it right yet as I haven’t yet created the reality for my life that I see in my visions and in my dreams and it saddens me

What I don’t want you to know about me is that I love teaching, but I know there’s more for me to be and do, more of me to share with the world and I somehow I just can’t seem make it manifest the way it is in my visions. I am doing what I know how to do, but not my passion (it once was) not my DREAM. 

And yet… I also have a ‘knowing’ that the universe knows what it’s doing and that it’s all about divine timing…

The dream

That I dream of connecting with you…ordinary people like me, across the globe, through writing and seminars and speeches; pleading with you to realise faster and sooner than I, that you are AMAZING! That I dream of speaking to others at their very core and helping them to discover their truest truths their highest potential & helping them to step into it.

You see, that is our path to true happiness:

Finding your gifts and sharing them with the world.

motivational-1177436_1280

 

  • What I don’t want you to know about me is that I have failed. Time and time again. I have attempted to do business in so many ways, to create ‘multiple income streams’ in an effort to leave a legacy for my family.
  • What I don’t want you to know about me is I have failed in relationships. I have trusted and been taken advantage of and hurt and trusted again and been ‘shafted’ with money more times than I can count and still I believe what others tell me. Trusting automatically.
  • What I don’t want you to know about me is that I’ve been married (twice) only to learn some painful, deep & powerful lessons and that I’m sometimes afraid that I’m no good and that, though I hope for another partner in life & love, I’ll get it wrong if I get the chance again.
  • What I don’t want you to know about me is I have tried and tried to create a vibrant lifestyle, a life full of travel and freedom and security for the next seven generations of my family.
  • I dream of addressing hundreds of thousands of people, connecting them to their wonder and the best of who they are, helping them discover their beauty and joy. I dream that my children are there, in the front row and are looking up; proud to call me ‘Mum.’

Yet all I have managed to create is a reality that leaves me just one wage slip (pay check) from the street and sometimes I feel as though I’m hanging on to a cliff-side with jagged rocks and broken bottles at the bottom and all that’s keeping me from falling & being lacerated and ripped to bits by them is my fingernails.

Getting to the point

one-way-street-1113973_1280So now we come to the reason for this post. My message, the loop in my head this morning kept saying ‘honesty & vulnerability.’ I know allowing vulnerability is a powerful tool. When coaching others I have always lived by the premise that I cannot get my client to go any deeper to find their answers than I will go myself, as open as I am ready to be.

It is when I ask just that ‘right’ question, that they realise I could only know to ask if I’d been there and in that moment there’s a recognition of someone who ‘GETS THIS,’ who understands what their challenges are.

The revelation produces a deeper more powerful connection between coach and client, immense trust and so leads to some wonderful transformations.

Holding…& holding…& breaking?

children-788782_1280I felt driven today to reach out to those of you, wherever you are who are on the planet today,  who are struggling with life. My wish is to share with you and be exposed…reveal my vulnerability. It’s not some stunt or appeal for sympathy, but a genuine hope that you get that I too am ‘holding’ that we all are and that all those things I am ‘holding,’ my fears, those areas of my life I feel are less than savoury and for which I think I will be judged are also the experiences and the pain and the lessons…the gifts that enable me to share with you.

Life today is challenging and it seems particularly so, why I don’t know, but I hope today, you take my vulnerability and see within it with the message I intended.

A message for us to:

  • Connect with one another.
  • To just let go of the ‘tension’ for a little while.
  • To still the inner voice of judgment, just for a brief moment at least
  • To accept ourselves; failures, issues, foibles and all.
  • To look into the eyes of a stranger, drop the façade and simply reach out and say ‘Hello… how are you today?’
  • To keep on keeping on and know through these words that ‘You are not alone.’

    Blissings & much love

    Insightful Angel

All images sourced from Pixabay

Be nice...Sharing is caring!

Mozzie Menace

Happy Sunday all,

I realise it seems like such a long time ago, but the momentous ‘grandmama’ event intervened into the series on my Pissouri adventures. Here is the final instalment and one I hope you’ll find funny as well as insightful. It’s a little instalment which recalls my encounter with a Mosquito, a mosquito I named ‘Maurizio the Mozzie Menace’ and what my encounter with him taught me about freeing myself into life.

Tuesday – Penultimate day in Paradise

Maurizio the ‘Mozzie’ menace…

mosquito-562066_1280Alright, so his name is more Italian than Greek, but I couldn’t think of a Greek name beginning with ‘M.’

Anyway, as has become my habit, I was in bed for around 9.48pm…

I dozed a bit and had some end of day dreamy thoughts when: “Zzzzzss, Zzzzzsss…Zzzzzsssssss” came whizzing past my ear. Now what you don’t know about me is that I have a very, very, very VERY severe reaction to mosquito bites and can become quite ill over time if I get several of them at once, so as you can imagine I was more than a little nervous, afraid even.

Bear Grylls…NOT!

I already had one bite on my right calf which though irritating and very blistered I was coping with, but another bite might just trigger the release of too much histamine into my blood stream and then it would be a trip to the doctor. Not something I particularly wanted to deal with just two days before coming home.

Being rather short-sighted, I couldn’t see the ‘blighter’ I could only hear that threatening and persistent Zzzzss, Zzzzs, Zzzzs, so I had to don my spectacles and begin stalking the bedroom like Bear Grylls trying to annihilate the critter!

I was getting nowhere fast…

enraged-804311_1280I even brought the hand towel from the bathroom and started swatting furiously; ‘thwack!’ ‘splat!’ ‘whack!’ swiping at anything remotely dark in colour and of the ‘creepy’ kind in the hope that I’d get lucky and Maurizio would be a ‘gonner.’

But, Maurizio the Mozzie menace was deft and swift and I, to all intents and purposes, must have looked like an elephant in ‘slo-mo’ to a speedy critter like Maurizio. I must have been at it over an hour and was getting desperate, so I thought I’d try another tack.

Toasted sandwich anyone?

bread-933104_1280I tucked the sheets in tight at the bottom of the bed, got under the sheets, then pulled them over my head and tucked them in over both my head and the pillows all the way round the top and sides. I was in fact, a toasted sandwich, with me as the filling; crimped and pinched inside the bottom and top sheets. It was pretty warm to say the least… the night before the Pissouri heat had been 21’ at it’s lowest and 31’ at it height during the daytime…

This was beyond stuffy, but I couldn’t risk it. I couldn’t cope with another bite.

I was uncomfortable and uneasy and unable to sleep…

Maurizio was very canny.

He’d wait until I was so tired and just about drifting off then he’d come a circling… Zz…Zzz…Zzzzzzssss.

I’d lash out (again with the elephant impersonation) and miss the demon every time. It was like being stalked and you know your life depends on not falling asleep…so you drift and nod and start to drool, then suddenly you bite awake, head twitching left to right and left again, eyes bulging and frantic like a meerkat on caffeine… ‘Huh, huh?’

Not tonight Maurizio!

yes-238376_150I’ve heard all kinds of reasons why some people are terrorised by Maurizio and his tribe of ‘terrorists’ and others aren’t; as well as how to prevent it happening: It’s the scent of your blood, it’s the carbon dioxide you exhale, it’s a lack of B vitamins, You need to eat Yeast, you need to use citronella, it’s coz you’re female and they’re attracted to the oestrogen, it’s your sweat… all I know is they terrorise me wherever they live and I was not having it.

No sir! NOT TONIGHT mi-laddo!

sleeping-690429_1280In an attempt to avoid ‘Maurizio the Mozzie Menace’ picking up on my breath (who knows it may be true?), I doubled up the towel and placed that over my face too whilst nestled in my little ‘envelope’ bed.

It was unbearably hot… but every now and again it would start…the sound that was now filling me with mortal fear and had me trapped unable to sleep! – ‘Zzz, Zzzz, Zzzzzsss.’

As I lay there, completely restricted and even avoiding the bathroom though (I desperately needed it) because it would take too long to parcel myself up again, I thought…

How awful it is to live in fear and how restricted we become when we do.

When we allow ourselves to become fearful of life and it’s experiences, our world becomes very small. Just like my little parcel I was restricted to moving within the confines of a 6ft bed because I feared stepping outside the boundary I’d placed around myself.

barbecue-386602_1280

 

Though it was hot, I was getting hotter by the minute as my breath had no where to go but under the covers increasing the temperature and causing me to now break into a tacky, moist, sticky (and none too aromatic) sweat – urrgh!

The fear is in the thinking

I had momentarily allowed myself to become terrorised by something, which, in reality, I had blown out of proportion and was, if I’d stayed at it, something I could probably have dealt with. Sometimes we do the same thing with life… create monsters outside of our knowledge or experience and so restrict our freedom of movement and curtail our ability to move forward towards the outcome(s) we want.

We tell ourselves all kinds of things to justify staying within the familiarity of our self-constructed and self-imposed cocoon. ‘I won’t get that job, no point applying,’ They/he/she won’t want me…I’m not good enough,’ ‘I don’t have the time/money/resources/experience,’ ‘I can’t do for me because he/she/they need me,’ ‘I’m not tall/thin/pretty/handsome/fat/cute/green…whatever enough.’

The result?

chains-19176_1280

We end up trapped in a limited and uncomfortable thought-space too fearful to step beyond our self-imposed boundaries to just ‘take a chance, get out of the covers and have a go at the critter!’ After all, it can’t be any more uncomfortable than feeling like a hot dog sausage in a hot sweaty bun!

It wasn’t.

  • Where are you restricting yourself in life?
  • Have you allowed yourself to become a toasted sandwich?
  • Have you created a self-imposed cocoon?

I finally threw off the covers…released myself from my self-imposed prison and splatted the bugger!

Once I had. I stretched out across the bed enjoying my new-found, limitless bed-scape and slept a deep and guilt-free sleep. : )

So, from today.

Consider where in your life you need to emancipate ourself from your own Mozzie menace, throw off the covers,’ allow yourself out of your hot, sweaty, fear-filled prison and stretch out into a freer life.

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

 

Be nice...Sharing is caring!

Pissouri Pilgrimage 2 – Connections

Happy Sunday all,

If you’re reading this on Sunday then my scheduling has worked and though I’m in the Cumbrian Lakes I can still communicate with you. If not, then you’re reading it Tuesday when I return (hopefully).

This is day two of my Pissouri Pilgrimage as the day turned out it was all about connections.

Morning & Angels

miami-967985_1920The day started with lots of texts and messages from friends and family, which felt pretty great and reminded me that though I am here alone I am not HERE alone.

I re-assured those I love that I was safe and fine and basked in the lovely and genuine desire they had for me to relax and have a good time. It felt as though they, in some unspoken way felt I needed and deserved this time, even though I was fearful.

One very surprising and delightful thing happened this morning.

I’ve brought my Doreen Virtue Angel cards with me. They’ve become quite important to me recently, but I usually leave them at home after I’ve asked my question for the day, hoping to keep them as pristine as possible, so it’s unlike me to bring them out, let alone travel with them.

Well, I left them on the table on the terrace and went for a shower. There was a lilting soft breeze blowing as the sun began blinking itself awake. On my return from my shower one card had been flipped over…just one.

‘GUARDIAN ANGEL.’

You can imagine how emotional I became.

It took it as a reminder… a message to me and to all of us, that we are all connected. It doesn’t matter if you believe me. The connection we have to all things we can and can’t see just is.

If we open to the energies around us we are never truly alone and this is what we need to understand.

I closed my eyes and cried a little and said an almighty

‘Thank-You.’

The other cards I drew (they leapt out all five together and landed on the terrace) from the deck that morning were:cupid-846939_1920

  • Archangel Michael – to lessen my fear and protect me;
  • Support – to let me know that my guides were with me and to communicate with them about all and everything.
  • Music – to remind me to sing and that my singing is a source of beauty and comfort not just to me but to others.
  • Celebration – Telling me that by being grateful I have planted seeds that are coming to fruition. It was a gentle reminder that we are league of gardeners planting seeds along with our guides and the compost that feeds the dreams and wishes we plant is gratitude.
  • Freedom – Ooh this one is powerful, but one I often find a challenge to accept. This card served as a reminder to me and to all of us, that we always have the freedom to CHOOSE.

The present

fitness-332278_150This very moment, the one we are experiencing now, is the result of choices that we made in our thinking and our actions in the minutes, hours, days and weeks beforehand. This card will not let me or any of us escape from the responsibility that is ours when it comes to our circumstances. It reminds us too, that we have the FREEDOM to change our thoughts and our actions and produce another, a preferable outcome to the one we are currently experiencing if we are unhappy with it.

One thing we who live in the Northern hemisphere don’t do often enough is connect ourselves to the world. This it transpired would be the theme of my Monday.

‘Connection…’

Today my intuition (I resist using ‘voice,’ for fear that you’ll call me mad!) told me to take my angel cards with me to the beach?

Huh?!

Remember my glee at having found a vegan, raw food eatery? Well today was the day to check it out…

I was not disappointed

2013-07-23 20.15.30I met Mark and Karine, who started to place three seasons ago. They’re Belgian and couldn’t find what they wanted to eat, so as they liked Pissouri so much they, on a decisive whim decided to set up shop selling smoothies and vegan raw desserts…’Smoothies & Sweets.’

Another gentleman was propping up their bar eating a fruit sundae, who told me he’d lived here for 10 years now after coming over on a contract to do some technical work on one of the English bases and never returned. Clearly he loves it.

A green smoothie purchased for my breakfast & I walk to the beach; potato & beetroot crisps to nibble for later on; three connections made…

What had I been afraid of? Archangel Michael was doing his thing and giving me the courage to ask questions and make connections.

Beach time

Mid morning/early afternoon and I managed to get to the beach.

beach-388520_1280It’s a pebble beach with soft sand at the water’s edge. The first thing I just had to do was walk barefoot for some time on both pebbles and sand and feel the earth beneath me.

As I stood with my chin raised, my face towards the sun and my feet with my chunky toes digging into the hot sand, I felt so…just so…me and happy to be me…

Xanios, (I think he’s the island’s lothario – The ‘Costas’ to Pauline Collins’ ‘Shirley’) of course spotted me and bounced over for a quick chat. I was polite, but wanted to walk along the shore and really absorb the salty, tart smell of the sea and seaweed and the feel my cells plump themselves up and come alive, you know in that way that a sea breeze has of making you feel full from the inside out.

Several hours on one of Xanios’s loungers later (of course), several hours of people watching, of stillness and peace and a shade and a half darker and it was time to trek home…

Xanios very kindly let me off the €4 fee for the lounger and umbrella, for which I was of course very grateful. He insisted, “As it was my first time.” Bless him. Angels at work again methinks!

More connections:

Paul who made a point of telling me he does nothing and spends his time living off his millions (well, bully for you) but I actually didn’t ask and it would have been nice to know YOU and not the fact that you’re ‘minted’ before we’ve even said ‘hello’, but there you go!

we-566327_1280The little terrier, who’s name I can’t remember as they kept telling me his name was Paul and I got very confused and the young woman who works with Xanios on the beach & has a wicked sense of humour seemed to me to be joshing Paul, though he seemed oblivious to it.

On the way home I stopped for raw Apricot Cake.

What a delectable, mouth-watering, party-in-my-mouth that was!

Karine and I chatted, a connection getting deeper as we realised we had many lifestyle traits in common.

Angels 2

She openly revealed some concerns she was having in her life and I knew intuitively this was the moment to use my cards. I asked her to shuffle them, she didn’t think me weird or ‘off my rocker’ and she did as I asked.

angel-153935_150She at first drew two cards, yet my intuition said she needed three. I asked her if two felt the right number and she said “no, I think I need another one.”

Three cards drawn, three messages communicated, when I asked if they resonated or made sense, she said they did completely and that she understood the messages. She was so happy, she held both my hands in hers, looked me in the eyes and was rather tearful as she said ‘THANK YOU.’

Though I had been nervous about wandering into the day alone, I learnt that I am never really alone. I am as connected as I choose to be. I can accept or reject others attempts to connect with me; let my fear stop me from connecting with others, or I can reach out and simply say ‘hello,’ that choice is always mine to make.

Resistance

Do you resist opportunities for connection?

IMG_0330The next time fear arises, remember Archangel Michael… ask him to lesson your fear and ‘go for it.’ You never know just where that connection may lead and if it leads no-where maybe it’s just meant to be a pleasant reminder in that moment that we’re ok.

My day came to a close a couple of hours after the sun had set and the burnt orange orb had descended sleepily behind the chalky Pissouri hills.

8.38pm: early by most standards (and by mine) yet I was sleepy and sun-drunk…

Smiling I drifted to sleep wondering what tomorrow’s theme might be.

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

Be nice...Sharing is caring!

Aloneness

Happy Sunday all,

Today’s post is an attempt to at least scratch the surface of a situation that many of us are in, a state that we can suddenly be plunged into or a state that can creep up over time, but which none-the-less we can find a challenge to grow accustomed to…

It’s a theme that’s been revealed to me at least three times this week (even this morning as I read a post on LinkedIn) and so I thought it warranted some examination.

The State of ‘Aloneness’

2014-05-05 19.18.48Many, many people are living alone or find they’re spending significant amounts of time, perhaps more than they’d like, in their own company. “Nothing wrong with that!” I hear you shout and indeed there is nothing wrong with that, IF it’s a milieu of choice.

You’re right being alone can wonderfully liberating. It has the potential to be a space in which you really get to understand who you are: Your wants, needs and desires; an opportunity to tap into your deepest fears too and gain a 360’ perspective on yourself. This of course is vital if we are to have healthy, secure and long-lasting friendships and relationships. It’s true, unless you know and love yourself, you cannot hope to truly love another.

But, for some…

Just sometimes…

That aloneness becomes too weighty to carry.

It begins to feel like isolation and disconnection, especially if it is not a state or space person wants or when there is no deeply felt connection.

101 ways to aloneness

mourning-360500_150The state of being alone can manifest for many, many reasons or occur because a myriad of changing circumstances and it’s not just the elderly or middle-aged that can find they are now languishing in extended periods of isolation:

  1. Perhaps your friends’ life stage has changed. They now have responsibilities you don’t or are studying and you’re not, or they’ve moved away for study or work so you’re not able to connect as often.
  2. Perhaps you’re an ‘empty-nester’ and your children have left home and your partner has died or you have suffered a divorce leaving you in aloneness for much of the time once you return from work or whatever it is you do
  3. Perhaps you’re elderly and your spouse or significant other has died and you never had children or your children have moved away, or (as is often the case today) your children are not really bothered about connecting with you.
  4. Perhaps you’re shy and it’s a challenge for you to connect easily. You are respectful and converse as necessary at work or whatever, however socially your opportunities few and others neglect to invite you to events assuming it’s ‘not your thing’ OR ’S/he probably wouldn’t want to come…’
  5. Perhaps the opposite is true, you’re gregarious and lively company, so people assume you’re bound to have an invitation to X, Y, Z event; someone ‘MUST’ have let you know?

But guess what?

They all did what you did and made and assumption, they decided the responsibility wasn’t theirs and simply didn’t check (Obviously I’m not going to list 101 here, but you get my drift).

ginger-650475_1280The spinster and her cats

I know we’re all familiar with the stereotypical image of the spinster and her cats, alone and dead for so long no one discovers her for months. To be honest, though it’s used as a joke it’s far from funny when you think about it.

I mean to think that anyone is so cut-off, so disconnected from another human, so separate that no-one cares to look in on them or is aware that they are not around.

What does that say about the society we’re creating?

The Legacy of Noah

glass-ark-331937_1280Noah built his Ark and led the animals in two by two. I’m sure most of us are familiar with this tale regardless of Faith, but what it’s created is the concept of ‘otherness’ for those who find themselves alone or in a state of aloneness.

If you’re not part of a couple or partnership in some form you’re often penalised and made to feel ‘outside the norm:

  • There are supplements and extra charges if you want to travel alone, book a hotel room for yourself, but are audacious enough to want a double bed!
  • As soon as you meet relatives or friends you’ve not seen for a while the first thing they want to know is if you’re ‘courting’ or ‘dating’ or ‘seeing anyone’ YET – The ‘YET’ hanging in the air like a pregnant pause, taunting you with a gnarly, pointed finger and a ”Hmmm… so what’s wrong with YOU?”
  • Every form of media seems to focus on the pursuit of love (coupling) and or the loss of it (heartbreak) and much like the propaganda around body image & size, there is the equivalent  range and quantity of propaganda around single-dom and being alone

Join a club…

skydiving-658404_1280

       You suggest…

Get yourself out…

Get a hobby…

All possible solutions yes, however they come from an assumption that it’s just getting out that will solve the problem. Hobbies are often expensive, so can club memberships and getting out can mean yes you’re outdoors or at an event, but again you had to call on the courage to do so alone.

Ironically, when you’re out alone you’re less likely to have people want to connect with you.

I’m not going to patronise those who are in this situation by making helpful but actually facile suggestions. You see, the matter isn’t often that those in a state of aloneness are anti-social, often this is far from the case.

Connection

I’m making the distinction between being alone (circumstantial, sometimes active, can be positive, or by choice) and Aloneness (a persistent, perpetual state that seeps back into your every day existence and is often Hand to holdunwanted and or more likely to occur over time if you are often physically alone).

You see, as I often assert, we are here for connection. This is why aloneness can affect even those within a relationship.

*Real connection is: Communication with another in which you feel recognised and heard. You feel that you, your thoughts and dreams, opinions and efforts matter to someone.

When ‘Connection’ takes place, those with whom you connect support you, no matter the distance, no matter the crisis or triumph, Those who ‘connect’ with you don’t do so out of duty or out of a passive aggressive ‘surface’ support or love; (when really they doing little to support you or are actively sabotaging you through comments and actions).

hand-782688_1280When you ‘connect’ your emotional and spiritual energies are nourished and nurtured by the meaningful interactions you have.

If this type of communication is taking place, even just occasionally, then being ‘alone’ is a walk in the park and why you now see that ‘getting out,’ or ‘getting a hobby,’ will not necessarily cure the ‘aloneness’ state of being.

Interaction Vs. Connection

kid-165253_150When we’re involved in social activity, there’s a limit to the ‘depth’ a conversation or interaction will take. So though a person has a hobby, or is active in the community or has joined a club these can actually exacerbate the situation.

When you are out and connecting on a superficial albeit enjoyable level with others and I would not recommend a person does NOT do these things; once you return to the silence and just the gentle pulse of your own breathing it serves to highlight, in stark contrast…

‘Yes’ you Interacted,

but ‘NO’ you didn’t truly Connect!

*(See previous paragraph for my definition.)

globe-304586_150So what’s to do?

My suggestion is make the effort…

We can all recognise a that person who has an air of aloneness about them and if you don’t recognise that about the, but know they live alone (and so there’s the potential for aloneness to be a state they’re in) then instead of stepping away (coz they’re a real ‘saddo’ and you don’t want to be associated with them), step towards them!

Would it really take so much from you to just give someone an hour of your time?

Would it be such a hardship to try truly listening to the next person you speak to, so they come away feeling filled up and included as a member of the human race again?

Would it be such a challenge to open your heart?

So for today and the weeks ahead practise

CONNECTION!

girls-344334_150

Speak with your heart open

Listen with your heart open

Connect with another…

Heart to heart…

You may just be the one thing, the one interaction that shifts their feelings from

‘What’s the point? to ‘I have a purpose’

and in so doing you may just….

love-278579_150

SAVE A LIFE!

A chance to connect…

A chance to support.

Help the Angel Help you.

This is a select and intimate workshop to help you move int he direction you want for your future work or home or career…or just a space to breathe and take stock

Book you Tickets NOW – Only 28 places available

 

 

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

Be nice...Sharing is caring!

The Question

Happy Sunday all,

leave-364178_1280It was Friday morning 8.50am; the first teaching period of the day. Another one of those sessions where I basically talk about life with the small group of pupils I have recently been assigned. We are fast approaching the end of the summer term. These 15/16 year olds will be on study leave in a week. They’re perched on the edge of a ledge called ‘life’ about to step off into their futures…

College, sixth form studies, work, apprenticeships and I felt, rightly so that there would be among them, some confusion and much trepidation.

For eleven years they have had the surety and comfort that the rules and systems of schooling bring. They’re institutionalised and now were being released into the world expected to know how to navigate life’s seas and steer their own ship. So, I asked told them I would not decide the topic of discussion that day, they would and that they could ask me ANYTHING…If I could answer it I would.

Well, I set myself up didn’t I?

One boy looked at me dolefully and came out with a whopper!

smiley-150663_1280The Question of all Questions

He said: ‘What are we supposed to do?

I could see the confusion and underlying fear in his eyes and knew my response to the question needed to assuage his fear, but create enthusiasm at the same time. But most of all I knew I needed honesty in response to the question because they he/ were trusting me to  prepare them for what lay beyond those school gates.

How does one respond to: THE QUESTION?

I responded adequately enough I thought.

There is so much more I could have said, but at the time with the need for spontaneity, this was the best I could do:

I told him we are here to learn…

We are here to use our feelings to show us what is right for us in this life; that their life is THEIRS and theirs alone and they know what’s best for them and who they choose to be.

The plea

blue-lotus-215460_150I pleaded with them to respect their own life, their own choices and in so doing understand that as they have the right to choose, so do others. I made it clear that regardless of the desires of those, who honestly DO think they have our best interests at heart, that they are here to decide for themselves. I told him that life is…in every moment a choice. And it is through the choices we make; it is in the way we respond to others, to situations, and events that we decide and discover, define and refine who we are in life.

I told him that they should go out and ‘Grasp Life,’ rush in full on; that there would be times of fear, but fear often meant they are being expanded and to not shy away from the new.

The Diamond – An analogy

I often use this to illustrate what life is when talking to young people. I find messages have more impact if they are

  1. Relateable and
  2. Create a vision

My diamond analogy goes like this:

Have you ever seen a diamond when it has just been extracted from the earth?

Well, it’s cloudy and of course dirty. There’s a lack of uniformity to its shape.

Something like this.

DiamondI explained that our expectations of the bright, shiny, faceted stones we have come to expect are as a result of ABRASION… the outcome of being chipped & chiselled, buffed & polished; that this abrasion takes time, but in the end we see the treasure.

I explained that in life, they would experience abrasion, they would be buffed and polished, chipped and chiselled, but that this would be necessary if they are to show the glistening, priceless gem of who they are which lies underneath. They got it! I hope you do too.

The great wrestle

lady-36446_150It is those situations which invoke fear, the ones they will have to wrestle with, the ones, which will make them feel they ‘Can’t’ which are the very ones which will ‘smooth them out.’ And they should always remember that they absolutely ‘CAN!’ if they believe it.

I made it quite clear that your ‘soul mate’ is one who challenges you and forces you to grow, to expand in the choices and decisions you are (sometimes forced) to make because they cause you to touch your ‘soul’ and decide who and what you are from a deep, albeit sometimes painful place.

It’s all worth it in the endfitness-332278_150

I clarified that life wouldn’t necessarily be easy, but if they remembered what I said and applied it, I guaranteed it would be worth it!

Life is a schoolroom.

We came to learn…

We come to make choices and

We come to create both ourselves as beings and the lives we choose.

Challenges, apologies and gifts…oh and a little fun!

I challenged them to take chances and as long as they did not cause pain, injury or upset to others, as long as they could ‘check in’ with themselves and know that what they were doing, in answer to the question and who they were being, was adding something positive to the world they would be doing just fine.

heart-63974_150I told them all they need be is themselves, make no apology for who they are and what they need and…

I told them they/we ALL have a gift, a gift to contribute to the world and their duty was to go out and discover what it was, that it may not bring fame or recognition, but it would undoubtedly bring happiness and to…

Bloody well have fun doing it!

I reminded them, that It’s fun and the joy it brings which is the compass that tells us we’re on exactly the right road…heading in exactly the right direction

Was it good for you too?

I could have said much more perhaps…but for now I hope today’s post creates many ‘Ah-ha’ moments.

margarite-74886_640If this resonates, then could you do me a favour.  Why not share it with a young person you know. They are excellent pretenders at age 15-20, but be assured many of them are unsure of their next step. It is our duty to prepare them, to be honest with them, to encourage them and to love them.

If this post articulates what you would like to say to your child, niece, nephew, grandchild, god-child, cousin, friend or neighbour then share it with them. Give them the gift of their own life…

Blissings and much love

Insightful Angel

 

Be nice...Sharing is caring!

Trust the Process – “Let it go…”

Happy Sunday All,

“Let it go…the cold never bothered me anyway!”

Is The Greatest Disney song ever!

It’s official.

winter-343565_1280Now usually I’m very sceptical of Disney and the thinly disguised misogyny and sexism that ooze like a caramel centre through many of their fairy-tale offerings; missives that entice & mesmerise children and adults alike.

And who can blame us?

They are pretty irresistible.

I haven’t been infected by “Frozenmania” yet. Perhaps because my children are now grown up, maybe I’ve just become more cynical in my middle years? However, as I caught the tail end of ‘Disney’s greatest songs ever’ It occurred to me that the film is a powerful metaphor.

A metaphor for finding our personal truth and accepting ourselves;

Exactly as we are

Fearlessly…

Unapologetically…

Authentically.

baby-71614_1280Into hiding…

After she accidentally hurts her sister, Elsa is made to believe (by fearful parents and advisors), that she should fear herself:

“Conceal it don’t feel it…don’t let it show.” Is what they say to her.

How many of us have been the recipients of such advice and all too often when we are very young. Told overtly and subtly that we are not OK. Often the very thing that is our essence and our passion is the one thing we are good-naturedly advised to contain or ‘not let show’

  • It could be we are kind-hearted – we’re told we’re too soft, the world is ‘just not like that!
  • It could be we are communicators – we are told to be quiet… we talk too much!
  • It could be that we’re great visionaries – we’re told to be sensible… how can YOU do that…people like us…

I think you get the picture.

The very qualities that make Elsa who she is and are actually her gifts, the authentic face that she should be unafraid to show to the world, the talents she should be able to nurture, express and to lovingly present proudly to the world, she is instead made to fear.

“Fear is your greatest enemy.”

self-doubt-424968_1280Never a truer word spoken, but all too often, just like poor Elsa it is the fear of others and their potential criticism that we fear. That very fear then causes insecurity and tension and in this state of tension that Elsa accidentally hurts the one person she loves most… her sister.

Her not knowing how to relax into herself and be confident hurts her too. As a result, she believes she has to give up the one person who loves & accepts her unconditionally.

She now thinks she is evil… thinks that what is natural to her is odious to everyone else and decides she has no choice but to hide away.

This fear has now become a belief.

But, it is her fear of herself that creates the problem for our princess. Her fear of ‘letting go,’ and allowing her nature to show itself that Disney shows us is the path to destruction.

The past is the past… Are you still hiding?

Are you one of the many who still hold vivid images or visions of what you are or want for your life yet are still too afraid of ‘opinion.’ Or too used to ‘hiding’ that you are in a constant state of unease…as if the life you’re in doesn’t QUITE fit…like a gift box that’s just a tad small, you know you squeezed yourself into one or two of the corners and there’s just a pinch

let-go-594531_1280In hiding however, Elsa is able to relax. She finds the space to accept herself; she finds the courage to step into her truth.…albeit a space that she believes she has to be alone in (see she is still fearful that she will not be accepted by others especially now she is OWNING her truth), but when she announces…

“I’m never going back, the past is in the past… Let it go, Let it go and I’ll rise like the break of dawn.” –

Boy does she rise…She is transformed.

She emerges beautiful…fully realised strutting her stuff in all her power and all in a cracking Crystal frock too!

Elsa-Frozen

This is perhaps the greatest lesson of all: the lesson that whatever happened, whomever we thought we were, whatever actions we took before this very moment live permanently in the past. There is no changing them, so accept them and learn for them so you make choices that are more fitting with the new YOU…

“Where your focus goes grows!”

Those who know me know I say this often. The point is if we are constantly focused on the past we stand still.

2014-08-24 08.43.36The past is retrospective, there is no forward motion when we look behind. You also tend to walk into lampposts if you’re looking behind yourself which leads cuts and bruises!

When we focus on the past we fail over and over again to let go of the very things we say we want to be rid of because guess what? We’re focusing on the very things we don’t want, the very things we should leave exactly where they live – in the past.

Instead of a forward motion our focus is on the things that went wrong, the things that we no longer have, so we are creating a perpetual state of things we don’t have, things we don’t want.

“Alone…where I can be who I am without hurting anybody.”umbrella-170962_150

So, she’s unapologetic…she’s found her voice and is strutting her stuff. Perhaps you too have found your voice and like Elsa you’ve got your Mojo working, but our princess still has a challenge.

It’s easy to think that once we have discovered who we are that this new you can only survive in a space ‘away’ form all that we knew, that we have to hide or run away to find acceptance of this ‘true self’ and to think that perhaps those who knew us as we were will be unable to accept the NEW us, and reject us.

Courage: Make no apologybear-656435_1280

My question is: Why should we care?

I mean seriously!

True courage is found the moment you stop apologising.

It’s only when Elsa Fully accepts herself and makes no apology whatsoever for who she is, to ANYONE, when she accepts and embraces her talents regardless of the opinions of others, allows her gifts and the beauty in them into the light and among others, including those who were a part of the world where she learnt to ‘not let it show,’ that she is at her most alluring, her most captivating, her most powerful and receives the most love.

And guess what? Don’t those gifts end up being a wonderful support to the community that she thought would reject her!

maple-leaf-638022_1280Take a leaf…

We would do well to enthusiastically rip a leaf form the book of Elsa and ‘Step up, Step out and Stand tall!’ put on your own Crystal frock and ‘Work it!’

You see when we learn to breathe and truly ‘settle’ into the truth of who are. When we find the courage to accept our path then we ARE transformed and we wonder why we restricted our thinking, our actions and shielded others from our talents in the first place.

When you find the courage to be you… regardless of family, friends, the ‘shoulds’ and the ‘ought tos’ and you allow yourself to be the YOU you came here to be that’s when the magic happens.

When you find yourself allowing it’s as if you’re on a conveyor and all the struggle and stress seems to dissipate as the people and opportunities you need seem to just show up!

Just like a Disney movie, your life too will seem as if it’s rolling itself out to the final thrill of YOUR OWN

Happy Ending!

 Blissings and Much Love

Insightful Angel 

Be nice...Sharing is caring!

Purpose III – Soul whispers

Happy Sunday All,

Today we come to the last instalment of what (unintentionally, but happily) has turned out to be a ‘series of posts’ on your PURPOSE and how to find it. In this post I’ll give you an illustration, through my experience of how your soul will keep seeking and reaching for you until you listen. You see, your purpose is always trying to find you because it’s mission is to find it’s expression no matter how long it takes.

All you need to do is listen.

water-256195_150Like water, which always finds a way to seep through and finds its own level, find its way through even the most fortified of defences, through the tiniest of cracks, your soul will find a way for you find your purpose no matter what.

So, if I you’re meant to positively communicate and uplift as your purpose, but are not communicating your purpose positively due to choices that make you unhappy, If you’re not expressing in the way your soul knows you should, you WILL communicate, you WILL express, but may well communicate negatively through criticism and griping and passive aggressive behaviour. All signs of your frustration and unhappiness.

The under side of the coin

Perhaps your purpose is to express love through caring and support, but you’ve made choices that make you feel constrained or trapped, you may still find yourself in a caring role, but resenting it. Perhaps a ‘too young parent,’ whose children are a source of frustration or forced to care for an aged parent or ill partner before you’re ready to. You care for them, but grudgingly so, you care for them but resent it, you care for them and feel trapped. You’re impatient and frustrated and blame them for the loss of your ‘life.’

 

coins-163517_1280Perhaps your purpose is to learn how to positively balance wealth and power with love and open communication. You may find yourself, striving and achieving greatly. Amassing great wealth and place within you community & society & your chosen field of work, but your relationships suffer from a lack of authenticity. You’re unable to open up and confide in others due to a fear of being surpassed or being seen as vulnerable. Your colleagues and the people you manage work for you out of sufferance and due only to your title & position, but not out of respect for you as a manager and human being. You are admired for your success yet feel isolated and alone.

You’re still expressing your nature, but not consciously in the form and manner it should take and that’s where your misery lies.

The message in the misery

mourning-360500_150Your misery is a persistent prod. Like a little devil with a trident, it’s prodding and poking you in the backside and saying ‘Hey you…this isn’t who/what/how you should be. This isn’t how/what you should be doing.’ S/he’s nudging you to pay attention and make the changes necessary to find your bliss. You see when you are expressing in the positive and standing in your purpose its the best feeling in the world. It is bliss!

In my case the universe conspired with my soul which is a persistent little thing and had kept fighting to bring out my authenticity.

One day, I got the message. One day, I finally listened…

I finally decided I was worthy…

Don’t stop believing…hold on to that feeling!

As I grew, my childish belief in my innate gifts stayed on the inside of me and I never stopped dreaming. Though on the outside, in daily my interactions I allowed myself to express only the thoughts and feelings that were ‘allowed’ and acceptable to others for fear of the criticism and ridicule I’d experienced as a child

human-329851_150Serendipity intervened. One day when waiting for a friend to get ready to go out I was singing as usual. here was safe, I wouldn’t be told to ‘shut up,’ or laughed at as I had been so many times when trying out for the school choir or leading roles in the plays, plus she was in the shower down the hall, so probably couldn’t hear me. Or so I thought. She heard me alright and was so impressed by my voice she pressed me to audition for the band she had just joined who needed another singer.

Feel the fear and do it anyway!

Because of the many time this the many time I have felt this in my life, I am convinced that when you feel a great fear, it’s often because you are on the verge of greatness, on the verge of stepping into the ‘you’ you are supposed to be. Like the understudy who finally gets to go on stage after the leading lady has broken her leg, you know that this is your time to shine and it’d better be good. All the expectation and hoping and dreaming has converged at this very moment and it is terrifying as you now have to ‘PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS!’2014-07-05 07.58.05

My friend persisted and would not take my excuses or protestations for any kind of answer. My soul shoved me out from behind the curtain and I found myself singing. Singing in front of groups large and small. Finally I was expressing vocally, expressing positively… My purpose is: To uplift others and connect them to the divine within themselves through the use of my voice. It was one small way my soul could touch and taste what it was I am here to do and it was the most delicious flavour!

Choices…Choices!

But I was still scared…The more I sang, the more I knew this was what I wanted to do and be, but the voices of my childhood, the lack of confidence in myself meant I allowed myself to take the ‘road most travelled.’ and I did the acceptable, the conventional.

Once the husband and family came along…then the singing disappeared too! though not without a serious fight to keep it a part of my life.

2014-09-20 08.09.48I had abandoned my dream… and instead adopted a more acceptable one. To go to university to become a professional to have the husband and the big house and the children. I was the clever one wasn’t I? so I should do the ‘right’ thing, the thing that will give me a better life, elevate me from the poverty, make me someone everyone is proud of… I achieved it all.

There was joy in it all, a sense of accomplishment, but there was always a feeling that something was missing. Always a restlessness, that was almost impossible to tame at times. Every so often there was that ‘nip’ the pinch of conscience that feeling that ‘there’s got to be more!’ I am more!

Divine timing…

Divine wisdom and divine timing are just that…Divine

watch-279813_150In hindsight (always ‘perfect’ vision) I can see the strategy my soul used to get me where I needed to be.

I had forgotten who I was. I had allowed myself to slowly disappear: I had given up my dreams to realism and common sense, my needs to family and my soul was dying…

When the yearning and the questions became so strong they could no longer be suppressed my soul conspired to make me redundant; TWICE!  at the same time my marriage fell apart and I was in a tailspin of divorce, emotional recriminations and upset and for some years was reeling from the impact of it all. Desperately trying to regain my equilibrium, but the universe knows what it’s doing.

It placed me in an position where I finally had to decide what I wanted, what I needed and who I needed to be. I decided to work in a way that would fit with the timetable of my children instead of the corporate, fast-paced environment I had been in and so it manoeuvred me into an educational environment. Then it persisted in sending me a message to teach. Over and over and over again, trust me, that was the last thing I would ever have thought of doing! Until I listened and took action.

Becoming a teacher was the easiest thing in the world. Everything happened like a well oiled clock. Another sign that you are on the right path is the lack of resistance and effort.

The search for the rainbow

rainbow-61783_640In this space I have found my voice and a joy I never thought I would experience. Six shows a day in front of the most critical audience ever…Secondary School Pupils! A Tough audience believe me, who have absolutely no qualms when it comes to telling you just how (insert another expletive!) you are!

So you see I was shown my audience after all, but the story doesn’t stop there. Firstly, Eight years on, the restlessness began again and I knew, though I loved teaching it as time to expand once more. I’d  served my apprenticeship with the toughest audience in the world, it was time to grow even more. The universe/my soul was sending me subtle messages that my journey was to continue.

I hadn’t reached the end of my rainbow… just yet!

The message is in the repetitions

Then, several of my students, on separate occasions stated that I’d be a good ‘Motivational Speaker’ or ‘Life Coach,’ as I had a habit of telling them of the infinite talent and beauty I see in them, I had them meditating, which they loved and would ask for, I had a habit too of giving them ‘life’ teachings in class and guidance on to how to live their best lives.

Then again… I was supporting a friend who had experienced  a relationship break-up. Their comments to me were how helpful I’d been that I should be…you guessed it, a Life Coach.’ They marvelled that I was  so supportive, so insightful and said that he would have happily paid for the advice I had given.

And then finally to September 2013 when my attendance at Success 2013 at the Excel arena (London), produced an epiphany…

2014-06-01 20.09.36My destiny is to be a Coach & Speaker…to motivate not just the handful of children in my English classes, but a whole plethora of people…locally… globally. To put the learning that my life experience had taught me out into the world so that others could learn from it. So they could improve their lives, find their purpose.

And yes…to — USE MY VOICE to spread the learning and connect others to the divine within themselves.

It ain’t over till it’s over, if you’re still here…it ain’t over!

When God, the divine, the universe speaks it will repeat the message. LISTEN and TAKE ACTION.

So I listened and now I’m talking to you and you know what, my soul and heart have never been so alive nor have I felt so completely happy. There’s a quiet knowing and I am aware that I have found my calling, my purpose.

Your presence here, reading this post is me sending my voice out to you, so you can learn to appreciate and trust that you have a purpose and that it WILL be revealed to you.

I guess the point I’m making is that you will continue to get the message, whether it be a lesson for your soul’s development or a path for you to follow, you will continue to get the message. It comes via your intuition, through the words of others, the lyrics in a song, a passage in a book and is always accompanied by a feeling… a knowing that somehow that is a message just for YOU. If you’re feeling miserable, stuck, frustrated, ask yourself what messages have I ignored? what has my inner voice been trying to tell me?

Silence is goldengold-163519_1280

One way to hear the messages of the divine is to practise being silent. It is in silence that GOD speaks to us.

Practise meditation or any other spiritual practise that brings your focus back to yourself.

The voice will become louder the messages stronger. They will strike a chord and resonate with your inner guidance system.

You will hear if you are OPEN…you have to LISTEN!

Through listening you will realise exactly WHY YOU ARE HERE

And that’s when the magic begins!

Blessings all

Insightful Angel 

Be nice...Sharing is caring!

In search of Joy?

Hello there, How are you this Happy Sunday?

In this conversation I’d like us to consider how we can live, as I firmly believe we are here to live life, which is fully, completely, whole-heartedly and in Joy and NOT as drudges or in a perpetual state of tiredness making do, putting up with, accepting and OR running, running and running, to  feel as if we’re going no-where; wondering ‘is this all there is?’

The dictionary defines ‘Comfort.’ as:

  • 1. A state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint.
  • 2. consolation for grief or anxiety.
  • 3. Verb to feel less unhappy

Whereas ‘Joy’ is defined as:

  • 1. A feeling of great pleasure and happiness.
  • 2. Success or satisfaction
  • Synonyms cited are words such as; bliss delight, ecstasy, euphoria, rapture

Which do you choose?

right-238369_150Looking at both of these definitions, I know which one I would prefer to experience. How often though do we opt for the former state repressing and containing our joy ‘just in case,’ so we’re not too disappointed should our success/love/ambition be snatched away or worse still we fail?

On an episode of Oprah Winfrey’s ‘Super Soul Sunday,’ Dr Brené Brown discusses her *4 guideline for wholehearted living, which she says is:

  • ‘The cultivation of Gratitude and Joy.’
  • Letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark

‘When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, Joy becomes foreboding.’

Brené continues this means:

I’m not going to feel you, I’m not going to soften into this moment of joy, because I’m scared. I’m afraid it’s going to be taken away from me.’ 

 

I recognise this scenario only too well myself.

fear-299679_640The fearful ‘What if?’

The younger version of me was a very contained person. I rarely cried. I had learnt early on to repress emotions, especially the ones which contained feelings of joy. In doing so I would never be disappointed. If I didn’t expect much than I wouldn’t suffer agony of not achieving/having my heart’s desire.

I was well practised at minimising the ‘joy’ and opted instead for the familiarity and less threatening ‘comfortable.’ Feeling joy is inherently dangerous.

These feelings are, more often than not followed by the thought that something ‘bad’ or unsavoury is just around the corner because it all feels just a little ‘TOO’ good and I know you know what I’m talking about!

Every so often we’ll do a little mental inventory of where we’re at.

Once we work our way down the tick-list and slowly realise that things are going good… not only that, things are good in all areas; work, home, parents, friends, financial etc…we begin to assume that it can’t ALL be this good and something bad is lurking just around the corner.

I’ve heard it from friends, family members and colleagues many times… ‘It won’t last…’ ‘Yeah I’m good… something’s bound to go wrong!’ and although we may say it ‘tongue in cheek’…somewhere deep down we believe it.

Without Vulnerability there can be no Joy

self-doubt-424968_1280At this point in my life I can honestly confess to you that I am living in JOY.

It’s amazing!

It’s where everyone should living

Not a day goes by without someone telling me how wonderful I look and that is because of the joy which simply oozes out from within me. It is a better state to be in than the ‘comfortable’ state of being in which I refused to feel, to express, to be too big, to dare too greatly incase it was all snatched away and I would be left bereft.

 

Opening up to JOY makes you VULNERABLE

Roller-Coaster OR Merry-GO-Round?

roundabout-57858_150The former choice is to choose the ‘Merry-go-Round’ of life. There’s some movement, but after a few times round you kind of get to know what’s coming up next. You’ve been here before, you can handle this, you’re armed and ready. No surprises!

The alternative is the Roller Coaster…It scares the S**t out of you, you don’t know if you’ll survive it…the intensity of it…it’s not safe, what if you fall off? So many uncertainties to counter. ride-61624_1280

But…let me tell you how wonderful it is to bite the bullet and ride that damned roller-coaster!

Yes! All the aforementioned fears are credible, but if you’ve every ridden a roller-coaster you know the thrill, the feeling of being alive that you experience. Every fibre of your being, every nerve ending, every sense is sharp and alert.

Expanded…more alert…more alive!

You feel expanded and fearful, yet strangely fearless at the same time. You’re out of control and vulnerable, stripped back and laid bare, much like the feelings you experience when making love…didn’t our dictionary offer up the synonyms ‘rapture,’ and ‘ecstasy?’

In that moment you can do nothing but surrender to the experience because whether in that moment you live or die is no longer in your control!human-329851_150

When we surrender…When we submit to vulnerability we expand

On reflection you realise you’ve expanded your being somehow. You’re somehow bigger, brighter!

You’re no longer shrunken and you can’t go back.

In fact the immediate want once you’ve jumped off a roller-caster is often to jump straight back on and experience it all over again because your realise the next time you will fully commit to FEELING the joy in what you’re doing.  You realise that the first time there was still some fear and a part of you was holding back.

Red pill or blue…which will you choose?

So this week…I’m challenging you (and myself) to be vulnerable. To allow yourself to climb onto the roller-coaster and go for the ride of your life!

Expose yourself…reveal… who you are…dare to submit and if you can do this alongside cultivating feelings of gratitude I guarantee you will not regret it.

Is there something you want to do or achieve that scares you? Great! make a change and take a step towards it. You’re scared for all the reasons I stated above, but be assured stepping into it will catapult you into such a feeling of joy and gratitude and expansion you will never want to ride the merry-go-round again.

I confess…

sad-girl-236769_150This week I realised a great fear I have had all my life…so here and now I will expose myself to you my readers, supporters and friends. If I am to support others on their journey I need to fully immerse myself in the principles I say I hold dear and so I’m allowing myself to be vulnerable and share with you my vision.

It’s one which scares me.

It feels arrogant and reminds me of all those times when asked as a child, ‘Who do you think you are?’ or as an adult accused (more than once) of thinking I am ‘better than everyone else!’

I forced myself to create a mission statement for my Personal Development and Coaching business this week and as I looked at the words I’d written in pink ink, I felt a tremendous fear rise and that familiar voice inside said ‘WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?’

So here in pink…I am declaring the me I am choose to be in this world: I declare that I aim to be:

“The Spark that ignites the power and potentiality in others.

To stand bathed in, fully immersed in my magnificence, power and abundance

and to always support others to do the same.”

The Challenge

Sure there are no guarantees…accessing your joy doesn’t mean life’s trials suddenly melt away, but boy are you more ready and capable of dealing with them and you’ll find you’ll come through stronger and more expanded…rock-climbing-403488_1280

A bigger, better version of you…

A version you accept and love…

The version of  you, you were always meant to be.

 

Blessings & much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

Be nice...Sharing is caring!

The Gift

Happy Sunday all,

The Beatles sang it and many poets have written it, but how true is it that ‘All we need is love.’ but what does that mean and is it true? ‘How do we access the gift of life?’

This late posting indicates the challenge I’ve had with this week’s topic. A challenge because I have so much I could say it’s been difficult to know where to start and what to include, but I hope it makes sense and resonates with you on some level.

Love & hate?

love-209900_150We hold the belief that hate is the opposite of love. Yet my life and experience has taught me that it is fear which is love’s opposite. As I grow to maturity, I notice increasingly that where there is misery or anger or disdain or whatever negative behaviour being displayed, that it’s FEAR that is at the root of it all. Osho provides a great analogy.

He says fear is darkness. It is the absence of love. You cannot touch darkness, nor smell it or throw it or do anything with it. Darkness is the absence of  light. To revel the darkness you switch off the light, but you’re still doing something with the light. In the same way fear is present when you switch off the love, but the ‘switching off.’ is with the love.

‘If you love well fear disappears…If you love deeply fear is not found.’      – Osho.

Most of us understand that what it feels to be in the absence of fear. If you’ve every loved another, been in love with another or experienced the love for your child you will have experienced moments of profound joy love, and expansiveness. loving in this open-hearted way was the gift itself and yet it may only have been a moment, but in that moment did your feel fear?

When you love deeply, fear disappears you become fearless. Fearless people have no need to create fear within another nor do they allow another to create fear within them.

Are you operating from love?

How ready are you to become fearless and love unconditionally? Most of us harbour that secret desire to be loved unconditionally for who we are, however, are YOU truly loving in the same way. Take a look at the most significant relationship in your life right now, it may be with a partner, wife, husband, son or daughter or parent.

love-278579_150Are you being completely open…are you fearless in your interactions and vulnerable? are you able to give unconditionally? The minute we start to think the other ‘should do this,’ ‘should be like that.’ only than will/can I love you.’ then we’re beginning to stifle the very thing which allowed us to feel free and real in the first place.

Love cannot be corralled and leashed and controlled like a wild pony. When we do this we’re creating a transaction, a bargain.heart-142736_150

  • Do you love your partner when they’re providing but lose respect for them if they lose their job?
  • Do you hear their concerns or fears when they attempt to open up to you or do you dismiss them?

Be honest…is there some form of bargain or condition in operation or are you genuinely giving. Unconditionally, with an open heart?heart-195305_150

  • Have you become complacent and take their being there for granted?
  • Have you stopped bringing gifts and tokens to show your appreciation,
  • Do you thank them for the things they do to make your life happier/more comfortable.

When was the last time you looked at them with an open heart and told them exactly what you love about them and meant it no strings, no expectation of a return or because you need something from them?

Your relationship, your responsibility…100%

always-226324_1280If you recall the moments when you fell in love, there was no bargaining, no conditions, you were fearless. The gift was in the giving.

Once the love settles we begin to fear.

Forget about the other person what are YOU doing with regard to love?

This applies or your relationship with yourself too…don’t forget that.

Fear – a Long, Slow Death

Caroline Myss says we know when we have ‘Betrayed Ourselves.’ and done something that was not for the benefit of our soul. You get that twinge, that moment of ‘Ewww!’ Perhaps I shouldn’t have said/done that.

It resonates in the feeling part of you.

Are you compromising in some way?

Are you betraying yourself? Existing…persisting with a situation/state of existence that you know in some part of you is slow death?

Why?

Why is ego…Why is security…Why is fear!

Your ego closes your palm and says ‘keep this money. We know exactly how many gold coins we have here.’ But what if someone came along who wanted to give you a diamond? How can your receive this added abundance if your palm is closed?

To open your palm is to risk losing the gold.gold-295936_1280

Death has no risk! Your problem is solved…keep our palm closed.

There’s no sickness or rejection or unknowns in death.

Life is risky…I should know I’ve taken enough risks to have many of them, in the eyes of others ‘fail.’ But I’ve had immense joys from those risks too that I would never had experienced from choosing the ‘safe’ ego based option.

It happens to us all

For many of us, our child hood signified insecurity. Financial, emotionally, intellectual and/or physical…If you is insecure about your needs being met there will be fear.

sad-girl-236769_150Financial – You’ll fear poverty and lack & so ‘Hold on.’

Emotional – You’ll fear rejection and hurt & so resist vulnerability

Intellectual – You’ll fear ridicule and lack confidence

Physical – You’ll lack trust and will create barriers to connection often through your own anger or belittling or criticism

As a myriad of people on the planet exist, so too the different ways that we manifest our fears.

People Pleaser or Trust Vampire?

Our fears create scenarios for either ‘people pleasing’ or an inability to trust. We fear vulnerability, for to truly love is to lay oneself bare, to strip back the mask and show ALL that you are.

But…’what if they don’t like what they see?’

Fundamentally the underlying feeling is ‘fear.’

house-wall-113542_1280For the people pleasers, it’s the fear of ‘being wrong’ yet in fearing being wrong, you lack trust in yourself as you never developed this trust  your own actions. That indecision means you are prone to hastily decide on a course(s) of action to have it ‘go wrong’ and then you’re even more fearful, even more unsure of yourself the next time.

For the trust vampire…well, it speaks for itself. You never allow yourself to be vulnerable in any way, shape or form and so keep everyone and everything at distance.

You feel secure, you have surety and familiarity, you are protected.

Palm closed…

Secure… like the butterfly within the Chrysalis or the plant within the seed…

The Gift

butterfly-108616_150For the butterfly to come to fly free or the seed to become a plant… there’s breaking through.

There’s risk…

There’s struggle and pressure.

To fully blossom the plant has to risk the burning heat of the sun, the cold of the winds and the battering of the rain. But in breaking through the seed/Chrysalis’ outer casing, by opening up and releasing the palm, there lies the beauty…

Only then can you receive the gift…

Blessings & Much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

Be nice...Sharing is caring!

Overcome The Fear; Step into GREATNESS

 

Happy Sunday everyone,

pinwheel-9228_150Last week I discussed love & fear and today I’m going to delve a little deeper into how we overcome the fear and stepping into our greatness.

Since Tuesday I’ve been in the wonderful Somerset countryside at a place called Nettlecombe Court on the edge of the Exmoor National park, on a writing retreat with some of my students.

It’s ben a wonderful few days filled with writing and sunshine.

I wasn’t going to come

2014-07-05 07.58.05Tonight was our last night and as I climbed the steep hill this evening towards the top for our last get together, a ‘fire circle.’ I got talking to  young man who told me what a great time he’d had, yet at the start of the trip at the last-minute he’d decided he wasn’t going to come.

Now he was so pleased with himself that he did because he’d been challenged to write different styles, challenged to be self-sufficient and challenged to make new friends, all of which he had achieved admirably and so he was, rightfully so, proud of himself.

More importantly I could see he’d grown as a person. He was expanded. He’d learnt new things, met new people and was enriched by it. He was confident in his own abilities and as a result had conviction; a knowledge of who he was and the knowledge that he can go out into the world and grab hold of whatever he want from it!

Fearlessness

He bless him, had demonstrated ‘Fearlessness’

Fearlessness isn’t some abstract act or emotion demonstrated by Knights a and prince’s in fairy tales and curtly acts and gestures of love.

Fearlessness is knowing that this thing holds fear for you, but being determined not to let that fear paralyse you and to push through regardless. Push through to your greatness.

Feeding the babybaby-105063_150

The result of allowing fear into our lives is that we become smaller and smaller until all memory of the expansive feeling, that should be our norm, is lost and we accept instead a pale, shrunken substitute in the form of fear.

We nestle it in bosom and cradle it in our arms and tell fear ‘it’s Okay…nothing will harm or threaten you.’

We allow the negative voices of the ego, the voices of trepidation, the voices of ‘I couldn’t do it so why should you?’ we indulge the persistent and endless ‘What about’ voices that echo and echo in your head.

What about your pension, what about paying your rent, what about getting a career with prospects… ‘what about’…’what about’…’what about.’

We amplify them… megaphone-150254_150

They take up root theses voices, grow claws and fangs and gnaw away at us…

The more we listen the less able we are to act. We become dry not fluid and free-flowing and like anything that’s dry and shrivelled, we become brittle. Our brittle nature, our resentment (primarily of ourself for not allowing our innate brilliance to shine), we then project on others.

It’s in this way that we perpetuate the cycle of insignificance, of being afraid to step out and re-draw again the cycle of frustration…

But we know it’s not enough don’t we? We FEEL it in our core that there’s more than we are currently experiencing, but what? How do we access it?

Don’t just take my word for it, I’m not the first to have said so, so here’s a reminder:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves,

‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?’

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

― Marianne WilliamsonA Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of “A Course in Miracles”

Sharing is caring

In my experience, I have found, that the way to end your fear is to find your centre. Finding your centre means you develop an inner strength and self belief and develop a deeper connection with your higher power. In developing this connection you are more able to hear the messages that are guiding you to your best self; to the activities, roles, people and situations that accelerate you souls’ learning and to finding your purpose.flower-22656_150

When you do find your centre, you become completely clear in the knowledge that you are a part of everything and that everything is a part of you. You no longer feel there is anything to fear.

How do I access my centre you may ask?

For me that has been beautifully found through the practise of meditation.

But there are other ways:

One lovely way is to have something in your life that allows you to connect to your creativity, just as we have done at Nettlecombe.

It may not be something conventionally creative like painting or flower arranging and it definitely doesn’t have to be for anyone else’s approval other than that of your own. In fact make sure it’s just for you…

This is designed to feed you, to lift your soul and not anyone else’s, so do something that makes you smile

Building momentum

lady-307315_150Dance around the room once or twice a week to uplifting music, or roll around in the leaves in the park,  Take up a new class of some kind, Write, Join a choir and sing your heart out, Go for a run (or if you’re like me a geriatric stroll), but hey, at least you’re getting some fresh air! Help someone and then…

KEEP DOING IT! Build a ‘feel good factor momentum,’ lift your mood, feel good, for when you feel good, what do you have to worry about let alone fear?

The more often you do this, the more your fear lessens.

You begin to feel invincible and to be honest,

Invincible is exactly how we are meant to feel! ; )

Blessings

Insightful Angel

 

Be nice...Sharing is caring!