Tag Archives: Desire

Silent Saboteurs

Happy Sunday all

fears-701990_1280Today I’m going to comment on something that many of us experience, yet we are (consciously at least) unaware of it.

I’m talking about the fear of success

Who fears success? You holler. Well, you may be surprised to realise it, but many of us harbour unconscious Silent Saboteurs

They can manifest in the form of procrastination. You have a goal that you want to achieve or a level of comfort, stability, income that you know you are worth, yet you can’t seem to pick up the momentum you’d hoped with the actions you take to you reach your envisaged goal.

Why?

question-mark-460869_1280Sometimes we procrastinate not because we don’t want to take the necessary steps, (we’re often working like Trojans and can’t understand why we’re not making the headway we hope to), but become overwhelmed by the enormity of the task and are not sure where to start, or we are unaware (and this is the key to the challenge here) that on a subconscious level we feel undeserving and have some form of guilt or feeling of undeserving attached to receiving the abundance we so desperately want and know we deserve.

Ping-Pong

stamp-114438_150I’ll give you an example from my own recent experience: Through this experience I REALLY understood the importance to your psyche of owning your successes and celebrating your achievements.

It was a great surprise to suddenly find myself in a bidding war between two agencies Last Friday. As they batted the fee and the contract benefits backward and forwards, like game of ping-pong, I had moments of guilt and moments of panic.

yes-238374_150Both consultants were of course pressing for me to make an immediate decision and of course wanted me to decide in favour of THEIR client. In the end I had to tell them both to give me half an hour to have a ‘cuppa,’ breathe and really check myself internally so I decided that was ‘right for me,’ not one that was a reaction to MY own silent saboteurs, emotions or pressure.

During the process it became clear that one of my major silent saboteurs are feelings of ‘obligation’ ‘should do,’ ‘loyalty’ and ‘guilt.’

Let me explain:

I could choose to stay with the current organisation; in their favour were established relationships, familiarity etc. However:

  1. They had not retained my services until two days before the holidays, so I was unaware of my situation as I headed into the season
  2. When they did offer to continue with my services they offered to extend me by one month only, so come the end of Jan 2016, I could again find myself looking for another situation
  3. They offered to pay an increased fee only after my skills and talents were in danger of going elsewhere. After someone else saw my potential immediately and offered to pay what they felt my skill and abilities are worth.

Yet…

A New EndingMy silent saboteurs were kicking in and I felt ‘guilty’ at the idea of leaving because of the relationships I’d developed; I felt an obligation to ‘see it through,’ even though if I did so they could easily let me go and I wouldn’t have the opportunity to see it through anyway.

The new, brings with it feelings of exhilaration and excitement and I knew from experience that these are signs; my intuition was indicating that this is the door I should walk through for my personal development and expansion, so why the indecision?

Success means change

door-672999_1280Stepping up to the next level of success, however it manifests is something we’ve never before experienced and so it feels strange. We’ve all experienced that twinge of trepidation when we’ve had to deal with a new environment or situation, the doubt whether we are ‘up to the task’ do we have the skills, the intellect, the knowledge the confidence the style, the whatever…to make the grade and stay afloat in this new sea of experience?

Just keep swimming…

More often than not these fears are unfounded and we do more than rise to the occasion we may even find things are far easier at the ‘next level’ than we anticipated. We do more than float but swim deftly and easily. Before long it feels so familiar in this space we wonder why we ever had doubt in the first place.

The two faces of success

masks-833421_1280You see success has two faces: there’s the positive side, the side we focus on that keeps us ploughing on when we are in pursuit of the goal and are striving. We rarely see or think about the other side, which may have .

Yes there are potential negatives…

Fear of success is as I said and ‘UNCONSCIOUS’ saboteur and those fears are the ones that appear larger and more ominous because avoid evaluating them.

Anything we avoid, tends to grow stronger and more powerful. Anything you fear you tend to avoid (either consciously or subconsciously) and when we focus on avoiding we reinforce the avoidance behaviour…hence procrastination, indecision, stop and start patterning etc.

If you wish losing a significant amount of weight you may:

  • Subconsciously fear the potential criticism or jealousy from others you know who say they need to lose weight too…you may be ‘ejected from the club.’
  • What about the extra attention and praise you may receive? You may fear how to deal with it
  • What of the new clothes you will undoubtedly have to buy. If you situation is less than flush, this could be a challenging investment to have to make.

They may seem trivial, but these subconscious saboteurs can completely halt your achieving your vision, thought you are actively ‘doing’ on conscious level.

The incredible Shrinking Saboteur

One way and the way I was able to shrink and get rid of my subconscious saboteur was to face it. Anything we put a spotlight on or examine tends to shrink and we see the issue for what it truly is. More often than not it is less scary that we imagined and we are able to find the confidence to deal with the feelings, situation, status, abundance that have manifest for us.

Spotlight

hands-423794_1280Turning the spotlight on my feelings made me realise that I didn’t have to ‘DO’ or ‘Be’ any more than I was already. I realised, that I was being fought for because I had been the very best I could be, I had consistently performed with passion and love over a 10-year plus period. I understood that this was just reward for that and that if I was to achieve even more and feel comfortable with the level of success I envisioned for myself this was the next logical step. I needed to put this new overcoat on and get used to wearing it.

Resolutions

girl-843076_1280By acknowledging the hidden side to success, but more importantly (and this is where the focus should be) by counting and acknowledging the positives, the minute by minute, day by day, month by month successes I had already achieved I was able to shift my feelings of undeserving or guilt and so feel completely worthy of the abundance being offered to me.

This January… as we consider the year that has just passed and look towards our ambitions for the year ahead I urge you to look at your success. Own and celebrate, what you have achieved and how far you have come. You will surprise yourself I assure you.

By feeling joy and self-appreciation you consciously programme yourself to accept and step up to even more success to come.

Blissings, Joy and peace for 2016

Insightful Angel

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In search of Joy?

Hello there, How are you this Happy Sunday?

In this conversation I’d like us to consider how we can live, as I firmly believe we are here to live life, which is fully, completely, whole-heartedly and in Joy and NOT as drudges or in a perpetual state of tiredness making do, putting up with, accepting and OR running, running and running, to  feel as if we’re going no-where; wondering ‘is this all there is?’

The dictionary defines ‘Comfort.’ as:

  • 1. A state of physical ease and freedom from pain or constraint.
  • 2. consolation for grief or anxiety.
  • 3. Verb to feel less unhappy

Whereas ‘Joy’ is defined as:

  • 1. A feeling of great pleasure and happiness.
  • 2. Success or satisfaction
  • Synonyms cited are words such as; bliss delight, ecstasy, euphoria, rapture

Which do you choose?

right-238369_150Looking at both of these definitions, I know which one I would prefer to experience. How often though do we opt for the former state repressing and containing our joy ‘just in case,’ so we’re not too disappointed should our success/love/ambition be snatched away or worse still we fail?

On an episode of Oprah Winfrey’s ‘Super Soul Sunday,’ Dr Brené Brown discusses her *4 guideline for wholehearted living, which she says is:

  • ‘The cultivation of Gratitude and Joy.’
  • Letting go of scarcity and fear of the dark

‘When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, Joy becomes foreboding.’

Brené continues this means:

I’m not going to feel you, I’m not going to soften into this moment of joy, because I’m scared. I’m afraid it’s going to be taken away from me.’ 

 

I recognise this scenario only too well myself.

fear-299679_640The fearful ‘What if?’

The younger version of me was a very contained person. I rarely cried. I had learnt early on to repress emotions, especially the ones which contained feelings of joy. In doing so I would never be disappointed. If I didn’t expect much than I wouldn’t suffer agony of not achieving/having my heart’s desire.

I was well practised at minimising the ‘joy’ and opted instead for the familiarity and less threatening ‘comfortable.’ Feeling joy is inherently dangerous.

These feelings are, more often than not followed by the thought that something ‘bad’ or unsavoury is just around the corner because it all feels just a little ‘TOO’ good and I know you know what I’m talking about!

Every so often we’ll do a little mental inventory of where we’re at.

Once we work our way down the tick-list and slowly realise that things are going good… not only that, things are good in all areas; work, home, parents, friends, financial etc…we begin to assume that it can’t ALL be this good and something bad is lurking just around the corner.

I’ve heard it from friends, family members and colleagues many times… ‘It won’t last…’ ‘Yeah I’m good… something’s bound to go wrong!’ and although we may say it ‘tongue in cheek’…somewhere deep down we believe it.

Without Vulnerability there can be no Joy

self-doubt-424968_1280At this point in my life I can honestly confess to you that I am living in JOY.

It’s amazing!

It’s where everyone should living

Not a day goes by without someone telling me how wonderful I look and that is because of the joy which simply oozes out from within me. It is a better state to be in than the ‘comfortable’ state of being in which I refused to feel, to express, to be too big, to dare too greatly incase it was all snatched away and I would be left bereft.

 

Opening up to JOY makes you VULNERABLE

Roller-Coaster OR Merry-GO-Round?

roundabout-57858_150The former choice is to choose the ‘Merry-go-Round’ of life. There’s some movement, but after a few times round you kind of get to know what’s coming up next. You’ve been here before, you can handle this, you’re armed and ready. No surprises!

The alternative is the Roller Coaster…It scares the S**t out of you, you don’t know if you’ll survive it…the intensity of it…it’s not safe, what if you fall off? So many uncertainties to counter. ride-61624_1280

But…let me tell you how wonderful it is to bite the bullet and ride that damned roller-coaster!

Yes! All the aforementioned fears are credible, but if you’ve every ridden a roller-coaster you know the thrill, the feeling of being alive that you experience. Every fibre of your being, every nerve ending, every sense is sharp and alert.

Expanded…more alert…more alive!

You feel expanded and fearful, yet strangely fearless at the same time. You’re out of control and vulnerable, stripped back and laid bare, much like the feelings you experience when making love…didn’t our dictionary offer up the synonyms ‘rapture,’ and ‘ecstasy?’

In that moment you can do nothing but surrender to the experience because whether in that moment you live or die is no longer in your control!human-329851_150

When we surrender…When we submit to vulnerability we expand

On reflection you realise you’ve expanded your being somehow. You’re somehow bigger, brighter!

You’re no longer shrunken and you can’t go back.

In fact the immediate want once you’ve jumped off a roller-caster is often to jump straight back on and experience it all over again because your realise the next time you will fully commit to FEELING the joy in what you’re doing.  You realise that the first time there was still some fear and a part of you was holding back.

Red pill or blue…which will you choose?

So this week…I’m challenging you (and myself) to be vulnerable. To allow yourself to climb onto the roller-coaster and go for the ride of your life!

Expose yourself…reveal… who you are…dare to submit and if you can do this alongside cultivating feelings of gratitude I guarantee you will not regret it.

Is there something you want to do or achieve that scares you? Great! make a change and take a step towards it. You’re scared for all the reasons I stated above, but be assured stepping into it will catapult you into such a feeling of joy and gratitude and expansion you will never want to ride the merry-go-round again.

I confess…

sad-girl-236769_150This week I realised a great fear I have had all my life…so here and now I will expose myself to you my readers, supporters and friends. If I am to support others on their journey I need to fully immerse myself in the principles I say I hold dear and so I’m allowing myself to be vulnerable and share with you my vision.

It’s one which scares me.

It feels arrogant and reminds me of all those times when asked as a child, ‘Who do you think you are?’ or as an adult accused (more than once) of thinking I am ‘better than everyone else!’

I forced myself to create a mission statement for my Personal Development and Coaching business this week and as I looked at the words I’d written in pink ink, I felt a tremendous fear rise and that familiar voice inside said ‘WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?’

So here in pink…I am declaring the me I am choose to be in this world: I declare that I aim to be:

“The Spark that ignites the power and potentiality in others.

To stand bathed in, fully immersed in my magnificence, power and abundance

and to always support others to do the same.”

The Challenge

Sure there are no guarantees…accessing your joy doesn’t mean life’s trials suddenly melt away, but boy are you more ready and capable of dealing with them and you’ll find you’ll come through stronger and more expanded…rock-climbing-403488_1280

A bigger, better version of you…

A version you accept and love…

The version of  you, you were always meant to be.

 

Blessings & much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

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The Gift

Happy Sunday all,

The Beatles sang it and many poets have written it, but how true is it that ‘All we need is love.’ but what does that mean and is it true? ‘How do we access the gift of life?’

This late posting indicates the challenge I’ve had with this week’s topic. A challenge because I have so much I could say it’s been difficult to know where to start and what to include, but I hope it makes sense and resonates with you on some level.

Love & hate?

love-209900_150We hold the belief that hate is the opposite of love. Yet my life and experience has taught me that it is fear which is love’s opposite. As I grow to maturity, I notice increasingly that where there is misery or anger or disdain or whatever negative behaviour being displayed, that it’s FEAR that is at the root of it all. Osho provides a great analogy.

He says fear is darkness. It is the absence of love. You cannot touch darkness, nor smell it or throw it or do anything with it. Darkness is the absence of  light. To revel the darkness you switch off the light, but you’re still doing something with the light. In the same way fear is present when you switch off the love, but the ‘switching off.’ is with the love.

‘If you love well fear disappears…If you love deeply fear is not found.’      – Osho.

Most of us understand that what it feels to be in the absence of fear. If you’ve every loved another, been in love with another or experienced the love for your child you will have experienced moments of profound joy love, and expansiveness. loving in this open-hearted way was the gift itself and yet it may only have been a moment, but in that moment did your feel fear?

When you love deeply, fear disappears you become fearless. Fearless people have no need to create fear within another nor do they allow another to create fear within them.

Are you operating from love?

How ready are you to become fearless and love unconditionally? Most of us harbour that secret desire to be loved unconditionally for who we are, however, are YOU truly loving in the same way. Take a look at the most significant relationship in your life right now, it may be with a partner, wife, husband, son or daughter or parent.

love-278579_150Are you being completely open…are you fearless in your interactions and vulnerable? are you able to give unconditionally? The minute we start to think the other ‘should do this,’ ‘should be like that.’ only than will/can I love you.’ then we’re beginning to stifle the very thing which allowed us to feel free and real in the first place.

Love cannot be corralled and leashed and controlled like a wild pony. When we do this we’re creating a transaction, a bargain.heart-142736_150

  • Do you love your partner when they’re providing but lose respect for them if they lose their job?
  • Do you hear their concerns or fears when they attempt to open up to you or do you dismiss them?

Be honest…is there some form of bargain or condition in operation or are you genuinely giving. Unconditionally, with an open heart?heart-195305_150

  • Have you become complacent and take their being there for granted?
  • Have you stopped bringing gifts and tokens to show your appreciation,
  • Do you thank them for the things they do to make your life happier/more comfortable.

When was the last time you looked at them with an open heart and told them exactly what you love about them and meant it no strings, no expectation of a return or because you need something from them?

Your relationship, your responsibility…100%

always-226324_1280If you recall the moments when you fell in love, there was no bargaining, no conditions, you were fearless. The gift was in the giving.

Once the love settles we begin to fear.

Forget about the other person what are YOU doing with regard to love?

This applies or your relationship with yourself too…don’t forget that.

Fear – a Long, Slow Death

Caroline Myss says we know when we have ‘Betrayed Ourselves.’ and done something that was not for the benefit of our soul. You get that twinge, that moment of ‘Ewww!’ Perhaps I shouldn’t have said/done that.

It resonates in the feeling part of you.

Are you compromising in some way?

Are you betraying yourself? Existing…persisting with a situation/state of existence that you know in some part of you is slow death?

Why?

Why is ego…Why is security…Why is fear!

Your ego closes your palm and says ‘keep this money. We know exactly how many gold coins we have here.’ But what if someone came along who wanted to give you a diamond? How can your receive this added abundance if your palm is closed?

To open your palm is to risk losing the gold.gold-295936_1280

Death has no risk! Your problem is solved…keep our palm closed.

There’s no sickness or rejection or unknowns in death.

Life is risky…I should know I’ve taken enough risks to have many of them, in the eyes of others ‘fail.’ But I’ve had immense joys from those risks too that I would never had experienced from choosing the ‘safe’ ego based option.

It happens to us all

For many of us, our child hood signified insecurity. Financial, emotionally, intellectual and/or physical…If you is insecure about your needs being met there will be fear.

sad-girl-236769_150Financial – You’ll fear poverty and lack & so ‘Hold on.’

Emotional – You’ll fear rejection and hurt & so resist vulnerability

Intellectual – You’ll fear ridicule and lack confidence

Physical – You’ll lack trust and will create barriers to connection often through your own anger or belittling or criticism

As a myriad of people on the planet exist, so too the different ways that we manifest our fears.

People Pleaser or Trust Vampire?

Our fears create scenarios for either ‘people pleasing’ or an inability to trust. We fear vulnerability, for to truly love is to lay oneself bare, to strip back the mask and show ALL that you are.

But…’what if they don’t like what they see?’

Fundamentally the underlying feeling is ‘fear.’

house-wall-113542_1280For the people pleasers, it’s the fear of ‘being wrong’ yet in fearing being wrong, you lack trust in yourself as you never developed this trust  your own actions. That indecision means you are prone to hastily decide on a course(s) of action to have it ‘go wrong’ and then you’re even more fearful, even more unsure of yourself the next time.

For the trust vampire…well, it speaks for itself. You never allow yourself to be vulnerable in any way, shape or form and so keep everyone and everything at distance.

You feel secure, you have surety and familiarity, you are protected.

Palm closed…

Secure… like the butterfly within the Chrysalis or the plant within the seed…

The Gift

butterfly-108616_150For the butterfly to come to fly free or the seed to become a plant… there’s breaking through.

There’s risk…

There’s struggle and pressure.

To fully blossom the plant has to risk the burning heat of the sun, the cold of the winds and the battering of the rain. But in breaking through the seed/Chrysalis’ outer casing, by opening up and releasing the palm, there lies the beauty…

Only then can you receive the gift…

Blessings & Much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

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Gratitude

Happy Sunday all,

Revelation

This post recalls a day, a few months ago, when I felt a profound feeling of gratitude I thought today, this Sunday, would be an appropriate time to share the events, thoughts and feelings from that day with you, in the hope that what I write here today supports you on the rest of your journey.

I’m sure you’ve experienced a time in your life when everything just seemed to fit. Everything was easy and you experienced a sense of peace.

It may have been some form of sport you were playing and every member of the team seemed are working in synch; the action played itself out in slow motion and from player to player there was a complete connectedness. Or perhaps you were writing or creating something and you suddenly found yourself in a rhythm, a hypnotic, almost meditative flow.

Flowwater-256195_150

It was boxing day, 26th December 2013 when even though I have read many texts and attended many seminars that explained the path to a fulfilled, happy life, I somehow suddenly ‘got it.’ The pieces of the jigsaw fell into place and I was lucky enough to understand when and how those principles had been at worked throughout my life.

Though we can learn about a concept or an idea and know a theory in principle, it is only when we ‘feel’ that principle or idea working in our life in some way, that the ‘click’ occurs and we are able to feel connected to that universal flow.

When you’re in the ‘flow’ you no longer feel as though you have several of the pieces of the jigsaw missing, that you’re not quite connecting.

person-110305_150All day I was overcome by two overwhelming feelings:

One was GRATITUDE and the other, well all I can describe it as, was JOY.

It was an overwhelming feeling of being happy, at peace and feeling so so lucky to have what I have.

For one day I wasn’t constantly contemplating how to create success, a new career, wealth, health etc., an ever-recurring series of thoughts, that nearly all of us are too pre-occupied with, left me and I felt a complete acceptance of where I was in that precise moment.

I began to focus solely on what I DID HAVE instead of what I felt was missing from my life.

It was an illuminating experience and one I felt I should share, as I’m convinced  it is the way to create not only a better mood, but to conjure up that condition of ‘being in the flow’ and attracting more of what we want in our lives.

Gracehoarfrost-66089_150

On that day, once I’d connected with that feeling, whatever had gone before in my life seemed redundant.

I was enveloped in what I can only describe as a shroud of thankfulness – Gratitude.

I guess I’d call it Grace.

I’ve never know what those people who are religious mean when they talk about a state of grace and I had assumed it was something that only those of us who have a faith and have a religious practise would experience, but not someone like me.

The biblical epic perceptionstained-glass-72960_150 (1)

Thanks to Hollywood and the vivid depictions of biblical events in which God/Universe speaks via a specially selected person who is invariably accompanied by dramatic weather as a backdrop. We imagine that when the divine or spirit or ‘grace,’ touches us, our experience will be just like that. Monumental. thunderbolts are followed by rolling thunder, overwhelming emotions will engulf us. We imagine too, that the heavens will open and strange and unusual events will occur.

I however, I think that spirit is much more intelligent than that.

The divine touches us in more subtle, yet profound ways… Evidence of the divine appears in events that are not loud and crashing, but soothing, subtle and gentle.

Despite the subtlety, the divine permeates your very core and infuses every cell of your being until you literally feel as though you’re glowing with gratitude, faith, hope or joy…whatever emotion it is that you’re experiencing in that moment, you simply feel it.

Inside & out.

Gratitudethank-22016_150

On the day I mentioned, I woke up reasonably early, completed a full Yoga workout for an hour or so and then meditated for what seemed like another full hour.

I drifted into a meditative state quite quickly and almost immediately I felt a wave, a rush of emotion sweep over me.

A huge swell of thankfulness.

This thankful feeling grew and grew. I began to feel so very happy to be in the space I found myself in.

I was happy for the state of health I was experiencing, blessed to have my children, my mother, my father, sister and friends, but this feeling of gratitude felt strange. Was this what if I grace was present?

I say strange because I realise I was feeling grateful not just for the positives I mentioned, but this feeling was also seeping into every experience in my life, even the horrific and uncomfortable ones.

Yes, I was feeling grateful for all the horrors too!

I wanted to come out of the reverie, as it felt alien, however I struggled and settled and then surrendered to it.

The longer I stayed bathed in the feeling the clearer things became.

It all counts…water-209901_150

I realised that EVERYTHING I had experienced in my life had led me to that precise moment, that precise time in my life and it was THAT MOMENT that I felt grateful for. So yes, of course, everything I’d experienced, even the horrors in my life had were appreciated and thanked for bringing me to the exact point, on that day.

For the most of that day, I was floating, light and in a playful mood.

I was content.

The most unusual thing though, was that everywhere I went and everything I did  seemed to throw up events or people who provided even more events and memories I could be grateful for, opportunities to whisper to myself and to the universe a huge ‘thank you.’

‘Thank you’ for who I was, where I was, whom I was with, how my life had manifest up to that point.

Importantly, I had a sense of surety that the abundant future I was trying to create was on its way to me.

It was a feeling like no other and convinced me that spirit and grace were walking with me. I gained clarity of thought that day and ideas I had previously had, became much clearer.flowers-72177_150

Gratitude is: the energy that creates our lives.

The petrol that fuels our abundance engine.

The more grateful we are for what we have and where we are, the more swiftly what we wish for comes to us. Then  we are given more and more and more opportunities to say ‘Thank you.’

If we are grateful we receive more abundance, more events, gifts and people, appear in our lives, that we feel grateful for…

So we feel compelled to say:

‘Thank you, for all I have, all I am and all I will be.’

The path to fulfilling your dreams is laid with cobblestones of gratitude.

So, my message today is propel yourself closer to your desires, your hopes and your dreams through the spirit of thankfulness.

BE GRATEFUL

Start today…go on…just say ‘Thank you.’thank-you-140227_640

When you feel more comfortable, speak out loud all the things you are thankful for, or if you’re shy of speaking out, for fear you’ll be thought of as mad, then write it all down.

You’ll find your life starting to run more smoothly, as these feelings of gratitude increase. You’ll become addicted because they feel so good, so good that you’ll want to stay bathed in them.

You’ll find you won’t be able to stop finding more and more reasons to be grateful.

The feelings that well up inside are so beautiful you’ll want to weep.

There are always opportunities for thankfulness opportunities to make a change, to see the best in a situation and learn the lesson it wants to share with you.

Remember the quote from the film ‘The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel.’

Everything will be all right in the end and if it’s not all right, then it’s not the end.’

Blessings and love

Insightful Angel

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