Tag Archives: Change

Panning – Sifting Sand & Salt

Panning

There are times in life when, despite not wanting to and despite having done this several times before we are forced to go ‘panning.’ What I mean by ‘panning’ is that we are forced to do some separating, some sifting of sand and salt to find the gold.

When there is a need to go ‘panning ‘it’s because there’s some form of irritation in your life, something gritty, rubs incessantly; just like that bit of sand between your flip-flop or in your food that you know is there due to its persistent chafing, but you just cant seem to get it out. It’s persists, causing minuscule scratches and eventually we find we have a raw and painful sore.

Or else ‘salt’ is present. That flavour, that taste in your relationship or friendship that gets a bit too much at times (there’s a reason we only use ‘a pinch’ of salt) and when it does it makes you wince. You jolt at the bitter piquancy and your mouth and eyes pucker at the brackish, acrid tang that is left.

Prospecting

Prospecting, or the process of panning – shifting sand and salt from your life takes time. It’s an age-old technique that doesn’t need any fancy equipment, but it does require focus and patience.

To pan, to sift the sand and salt successfully so they’re discarded and instead discover nuggets of gold, is a task requiring concentration. You have to sit, and sift and sift and sift again. You may not discover a gold nugget each time you sift, but each time you sift you DO eliminated more sand and more salt. What’s in your pan becomes finer, less rugged and against this finer, softer, less abrasive background it is far easier to see the gleaming gold when it finally lands in your pan as you sift just ‘one last time.’ And it WILL land.

In the right place…just the right dose…at just the right time

You see just the right amount of salt the ‘pinch’ I mentioned earlier, enhances the flavour of your food, just as a bit of ‘salt’ from that well-meaning, but perhaps rather terse or abrasive friend can provide just the right amount of pique, to spur you into taking action on your Sh*%t. The stuff you know you need to deal with but are avoiding. Similarly, that grain of sand; the minor irritation that gets under your skin, is a sign you have an issue you perhaps need to look at.

BUT…

When that friend or relative is persistently and excessively ‘salty’ you’ll get sick, if that grain of sand, that irritation rubs and chafes for too long, you’ll end up nursing an open wound.

But…I have aching arms

Oftentimes, we feel we have done all the sifting we need to do. We mistakenly believe that we have ‘finished’ with the need to discern and eliminate in our lives. Though these instances become less so, over time, my life experiences have made caused me to realise that sifting sand and salt doesn’t really end.

When it becomes clear that, yet again we need to do yet another round of filtering we are surprised and disappointed in ourselves.

‘But what to do when your arms are tired?

When your arms are tired, simply lay the pan down. But NOT you understand in the flowing river otherwise you’ll lose your pan altogether.

Lay it to rest on the bank…

Those salty tongues will still be wagging, those sandy irritants will still be chafing, but from the vantage point of ‘distance’ from your pan, you can often sort the more subtly, deeply hidden granules that you didn’t realise were an irritation in the first place!

When your energy is replenished, pick up your pan and continue the task of refining the content of your life so it is smooth and uniform and soft. Free of salty critiques and sandy irritants.

Hitting pay dirt

To hit pay dirt means:

  1. to discover something of value. (Alludes to discovering valuable ore.)
  2. Fig.to get great riches

ref: http://idioms.thefreedictionary.com/hit+pay+dirt

It seems I have been panning – sifting sand and salt for some months. Many times my arms got tired and I had to lay my pan down. Each time I picked it up again I had a better perspective and could see more clearly the nuggets rising to the surface. But the true ‘gold’ came the moment I ‘hit pay dirt.’

All that sifting and filtering, laying down of my pan and picking it up again meant I had moments to see beyond the pan, moments when in my mind’s eye I would just catch something gleaming, I could see beyond the proverbial ‘trees’ and could see the wood.                     Continue reading Panning – Sifting Sand & Salt

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A lesson in Soul Vision and the surprising result

Happy Easter and a Happy Sunday all,

I’ve coined the phrase ‘Soul Vision’ after an event which happened recently. All to often we get all bent out of shape, feel insulted and upset by the actions or words of others, when if we simply looked ‘below’ the surface water and practised ‘soul vision,’ we might see the ‘truth’ to the clear waters below.

It feels good being back here

It’s been far too long since I put fingers to keyboard and I have to admit to many moments self admonition as I found myself unable, week in, week out to write. It’s not that I didn’t have thoughts and ideas to communicate you understand, but for some inexplicable reason I had no idea that I would find adjusting to a new life, in a new continent, to a new culture and way of being so all-consuming, that I would have little of me left to do anything but work, eat (sometimes) and sleep (not long enough!)

So,Today I’m determined

Despite doubt & nervousness, despite insecurity and apprehension, Its my intention to publish today and regain my previous habit. I hope you’ll bear with me as I find my bearings once more.

The Eyes are the window to the soul

Most of us take our vision for granted. As vital as the organs we call our ‘eyes’ are, we seldom think about their health or care until we have a need to; meaning something has usually gone awry before we consider what our eyes do for us. Practically they enable us to navigate through our physical world, metaphorically, they symbolise insight and wisdom.

without vision, we are blind…

Seven months ago I moved to Nigeria, to live and work. It’s been a challenging transition at times as I found myself bullied at work and within the culture of the country there is a spirit of avarice which is not only prevalent in the corrupt politicians the country is famous for. It’s a ‘gravaliciousness’ (the Jamaicans among you will know what I mean) that is so alien to who I am that I have had a challenging time negotiating who I am in response to it!

but one of the things I noticed almost immediately was that…

Lagos is peppered with blind people!

It’s a prevalent phenomenon which seems quite alarming! Something I couldn’t help but notice on my arrival. Yet… I’ve just come to a realisation whilst writing this. I have just ‘clicked!’

They are metaphorically the physical manifestation of Nigerian society & its relationships.

There is a focus on the ‘surface’ in Nigerian interactions.

How much money you have, who you know, what you do, the family or area, your were born into are what is important in Nigerian society. There is very little looking to the ‘soul’. Instead the focus on what a person has etc. Many people interact with you based on assumptions and stereotypes, ‘blind’ to who you truly are, they…

pay attention to the surface water-how things ‘appear’ and not to what lies beneath.

Seeing is Seeing…isn’t it? Or is it?

When I visited Oshun State last week I went to sit by the banks of the Ogun River. This river water looks brown and murky when viewed as a body of water, yet if you collect it into a clear vessel, surprisingly, the water itself becomes clear, you can see right through it.

No mud… no murkiness

So it would seem that seeing may no be ‘seeing’ after all! Metaphorically speaking, it’s the same scenario when one talks about our interactions with one another.

An example

We would do better if we practised ‘soul seeing’ and endeavoured to look beneath the surface when we interact with each other. My example goes like this:

Seeing a live show was a thrill… a young cameraman decided to interview me for a local TV station, perhaps as a Visitor/migrant/’Ex-Pat,’ he felt I would offer a viewpoint that was somewhat different. He agreed to get a copy of the interview to me. There was, at this point, no mention of payment. We exchanged numbers and agreed how he could get it to me. He dropped the disc in reception. Of course I was working (plus I never take money into work).

After returning his disc to him (via reception) he later called, and because he couldn’t be reimbursed straight away, became enraged and rather abusive! He refused to accept the disc back and left it there. His choice.

Now the point is this!

Over a week later I receive yet another message less abusive yet still complaining. My first response, the surface one was to react to the ‘surface’ of the words he was saying. I felt insulted and defensive and I fought back. I failed initially to practise ‘soul vision’ and like the Ogun river all I saw was the muddy brown top layer of his insults, the outer that he was showing me.

Mightily confused, I couldn’t understand his attitude nor his insistence on being so aggrieved. Then I asked myself…

What is this about really?

I stopped.

Soul vision seeing beyond the murky surface

There was another way to look at this to see through the ‘surface,’ the murky brown of aggression and insult and attempt to see through to the clear water beneath.

What my intuition told me was to consider that perhaps he was seriously struggling, that the reasonably paltry sum he was quibbling about with me, might, at this very moment mean the world to him? The difference between eating and not? And that perhaps he had taken a risk having the disc produced, in a desperate attempt to make a living that week. Nigeria is a POOR country, Life is very, very hard!

‘Perhaps he really is in need of the money?’

So based on my deeper looking, on my practising soul vision, I reached out and asked him if he was in need and re-assured him that it was OK to ask. His first reaction was still one of defiance and ridicule, sarcasm even, but then after some hours I awoke to another message from him. Asking this time for some humble support.

  • I complied and offered more than he’d asked for
  • Result: a conversation ensued of a wholly different nature and tone
  • Conversation based on mutual respect…
  • One which allowed us to lower our ‘surface’ guard and allow each other to see the clear water beneath.
  • A discourse of understanding
  • He then confessed I had confounded his usual view of human nature and our interaction had changed how he viewed the world. he would now be less cynical and had a renewed hope.

It takes a village…

They say it takes a village to raise a child, A child becomes an adult and adults create the physical world we live in.

So what does it take to change the world?

Change the adults within that world!

Perhaps, just perhaps, by practising ‘Soul Vision,’ one instance at a time, one day at a time, one month and one year at a time, we can indeed Create a more compassionate world. A world in which our ‘eyes’ are open and truly ‘SEE?’

Blissings and much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

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The Joy of Oven Cleaning

Happy Sunday All,

So there I was… my head in the cavernous, dark recess, whilst my knees chafed against the cold of the vinyl flooring. I was oven cleaning.

Oven cleaning is one of those jobs that we all detest.

As I jiggled and shuffled and ‘humphed’ and ‘hawed’ with tremendous effort, it occurred to me that oven cleaning could easily be used as and analogy for the emotional clearing that we all need to do from time to time.

A good M.O.T

oldtimer-146524_1280Every so often it’s a good idea to look at your emotional state and give it a good old overhaul. By doing so, you open yourself up to deeper self- development and access greater creativity and understanding. In addition you’re ‘clearing out the trash’ of your inner world, so you’re lighter and freer. You see others’ actions and situations more clearly and with deeper insight and you also take a step or two (or several) towards understanding your purpose, the people in your life and the lessons they’re here to teach you.

Emotion=Action=State=Reality

Our emotional state dictates the type of action(s) we take and they in turn have consequences that form the reality we create.

So doing a bit of oven cleaning and peeling back the dank, sticky layers can only serve you.

However…

Oven cleaning is a messy, messy job!

cooker-295135_1280

  1. Your stomach churns as you encounter the globules of hard to reach grease and grime, you know you should really have gotten to earlier. In my analogy, this represents the ‘stuff’ you get stuck in. It’s the stuff in the dark recesses that you can’t see, the patterns lodged in the subconscious and created in our formative years that you repeat.

This is the stuff mirrored in the people you meet who have the same or similar qualities, the situations that have you thinking  ‘I’ve been here before.’ The key here isn’t to figure out why they keep showing up, or why you are dealing with similar situations or personality types – the key learning is:

“How will I choose to react this time?”

Once the (re)action changes, so does the result and so then the reality you find yourself in.fantasy-1275253_1280

  1. Is the stuff that is molten and drips down the walls…Urrrgh! This stuff is more visible and closer to the surface. It’s the stuff that though visible is perhaps ‘ickier’ as it’s sticky and keeps dripping. You have to use lots of soapy water time and time again to get rid of it to reveal the shining vitreous enamel beneath.

This sticky stuff feels as though you can’t get away from it. There’s lots of dry heaving as this stuff makes you sick to your stomach. This particular aspect of oven cleaning needs lots of ‘elbow grease’ to get rid of it!

Maybe it’s the treatment you receive from a family member or work colleague. Someone you’re tied to in some way and have to live, work or communicate with.

Out of fear or duty you put up with their challenging or rude; jealous or insecure behaviours, and don’t defend your right to your own thoughts actions or deeds. You do what they NEED you to do and keep the peace.

but…

you also feel that twinge inside that lets you know you betrayed who you really are by doing so…

The other person is appeased, triumphant even,

but…

You feel coated in the slime, uncomfortable and sticky – YOU were inauthentic! You failed to defend who you truly are and as a result another (perhaps only tiny) piece of you died…

but…

At least you didn’t rock the boat eh?

wooden-boat-258953_150

  1. Then there’s the really hard-baked, albeit smaller burnt on bits that cling to the undersides of the wire racks. They’re really caked on, bits of stuff that have dripped off and baked on the underside.Though baked and seemingly a challenge to shift they’re relatively easy to remove, the trick with this aspect of oven cleaning is to be quick and sharp in your movements.

These are perhaps the more everyday emotional slights we receive. They’re there, but surface only really. We do have to be mindful we’re not too sharp with the chipping off though, as we could slip and cut ourselves damaging relationships that we need to maintain in the present.

(No doubt you now think I’m a rather disgusting householder if my oven needs this much attention? I assure you I DID exaggerate somewhat!)

Gratitude, Gratitude & Pure love

Love-in-such-a-wayBy examining what a specific person’s role or behaviour has provided for you to learn, you can uncover the meaning of these relationships. When you discover the meaning you learn to understand their importance in your spiritual & emotional evolution.

Once you’re able to recognise the part they have played in your emotional development, you can get on with the job of being grateful for the service they have performed, shifting the emotional debris that can coat our psyches and emotions and stop us from evolving.

Being grateful for the lessons we’ve learned and acknowledging that they gave you a gift is a wonderful clue to the fact that we have shifted any emotional ties. Once in gratitude we open our hearts up to pure love.

Evolution & Change

There is no evolution without change, so if you’re wanting to understand your emotional and spiritual evolution, then be sure to undertake regular oven cleaning…

The kitchen smells fresher, your bread bakes better and

boy does it taste delicious!

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

 

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An Apology

Happy Sunday all,

‘Brexit’ or ‘Were you trippin?’

As a ‘Brit’ I exercised my Franchise on Friday, marked my little ‘X’ and made the choice that I felt was the best on for ALL the people who inhabit this Island Called the United Kingdom.

Yet, the result was one which left me reeling.

So…

I have decided to add my opinion to the mix. It is not my intention to offend, upset or condemn anyone, we are all entitled to our opinions.

I apologise for not offering a longer missive today, but ‘life’ means I have things to attend to –

Yes I Do get up and write these on a Sunday Morning!

A humble and ordinary opinion – A heartfelt apology

My opinion, is that as an elder member of the society, I need to offer an apology. You see our young people are the ones who will inherit the Britain we just voted to disconnect from the wider collective that is The European Community. I, for one feel sightly ashamed, but also sad as I know many of those who voted to exit, did so from an emotional space, as a way of  protesting for many other reasons and forgot that the outcome doesn’t affect those who so vehemently call for your support anywhere near as much as it does YOU.

An opportunity

Change…’whoah’ it was scary.

Change always is isn’t it?

But this rocking of the ship could be a great opportunity if we see it as one.

It is an opportunity to really look into the divisions in our society, the rifts, the ‘disgruntlements’ and the disappointments and use that knowledge to create an even more just, more equal, more satisfied community.

Perhaps Britain will be great again… this time known across the globe as a country whose citizens picked themselves up, dusted themselves off and created a country in which the good of the collective seeped into every decision and every exchange.

An apology…

See why below:

 

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Silent Saboteurs

Happy Sunday all

fears-701990_1280Today I’m going to comment on something that many of us experience, yet we are (consciously at least) unaware of it.

I’m talking about the fear of success

Who fears success? You holler. Well, you may be surprised to realise it, but many of us harbour unconscious Silent Saboteurs

They can manifest in the form of procrastination. You have a goal that you want to achieve or a level of comfort, stability, income that you know you are worth, yet you can’t seem to pick up the momentum you’d hoped with the actions you take to you reach your envisaged goal.

Why?

question-mark-460869_1280Sometimes we procrastinate not because we don’t want to take the necessary steps, (we’re often working like Trojans and can’t understand why we’re not making the headway we hope to), but become overwhelmed by the enormity of the task and are not sure where to start, or we are unaware (and this is the key to the challenge here) that on a subconscious level we feel undeserving and have some form of guilt or feeling of undeserving attached to receiving the abundance we so desperately want and know we deserve.

Ping-Pong

stamp-114438_150I’ll give you an example from my own recent experience: Through this experience I REALLY understood the importance to your psyche of owning your successes and celebrating your achievements.

It was a great surprise to suddenly find myself in a bidding war between two agencies Last Friday. As they batted the fee and the contract benefits backward and forwards, like game of ping-pong, I had moments of guilt and moments of panic.

yes-238374_150Both consultants were of course pressing for me to make an immediate decision and of course wanted me to decide in favour of THEIR client. In the end I had to tell them both to give me half an hour to have a ‘cuppa,’ breathe and really check myself internally so I decided that was ‘right for me,’ not one that was a reaction to MY own silent saboteurs, emotions or pressure.

During the process it became clear that one of my major silent saboteurs are feelings of ‘obligation’ ‘should do,’ ‘loyalty’ and ‘guilt.’

Let me explain:

I could choose to stay with the current organisation; in their favour were established relationships, familiarity etc. However:

  1. They had not retained my services until two days before the holidays, so I was unaware of my situation as I headed into the season
  2. When they did offer to continue with my services they offered to extend me by one month only, so come the end of Jan 2016, I could again find myself looking for another situation
  3. They offered to pay an increased fee only after my skills and talents were in danger of going elsewhere. After someone else saw my potential immediately and offered to pay what they felt my skill and abilities are worth.

Yet…

A New EndingMy silent saboteurs were kicking in and I felt ‘guilty’ at the idea of leaving because of the relationships I’d developed; I felt an obligation to ‘see it through,’ even though if I did so they could easily let me go and I wouldn’t have the opportunity to see it through anyway.

The new, brings with it feelings of exhilaration and excitement and I knew from experience that these are signs; my intuition was indicating that this is the door I should walk through for my personal development and expansion, so why the indecision?

Success means change

door-672999_1280Stepping up to the next level of success, however it manifests is something we’ve never before experienced and so it feels strange. We’ve all experienced that twinge of trepidation when we’ve had to deal with a new environment or situation, the doubt whether we are ‘up to the task’ do we have the skills, the intellect, the knowledge the confidence the style, the whatever…to make the grade and stay afloat in this new sea of experience?

Just keep swimming…

More often than not these fears are unfounded and we do more than rise to the occasion we may even find things are far easier at the ‘next level’ than we anticipated. We do more than float but swim deftly and easily. Before long it feels so familiar in this space we wonder why we ever had doubt in the first place.

The two faces of success

masks-833421_1280You see success has two faces: there’s the positive side, the side we focus on that keeps us ploughing on when we are in pursuit of the goal and are striving. We rarely see or think about the other side, which may have .

Yes there are potential negatives…

Fear of success is as I said and ‘UNCONSCIOUS’ saboteur and those fears are the ones that appear larger and more ominous because avoid evaluating them.

Anything we avoid, tends to grow stronger and more powerful. Anything you fear you tend to avoid (either consciously or subconsciously) and when we focus on avoiding we reinforce the avoidance behaviour…hence procrastination, indecision, stop and start patterning etc.

If you wish losing a significant amount of weight you may:

  • Subconsciously fear the potential criticism or jealousy from others you know who say they need to lose weight too…you may be ‘ejected from the club.’
  • What about the extra attention and praise you may receive? You may fear how to deal with it
  • What of the new clothes you will undoubtedly have to buy. If you situation is less than flush, this could be a challenging investment to have to make.

They may seem trivial, but these subconscious saboteurs can completely halt your achieving your vision, thought you are actively ‘doing’ on conscious level.

The incredible Shrinking Saboteur

One way and the way I was able to shrink and get rid of my subconscious saboteur was to face it. Anything we put a spotlight on or examine tends to shrink and we see the issue for what it truly is. More often than not it is less scary that we imagined and we are able to find the confidence to deal with the feelings, situation, status, abundance that have manifest for us.

Spotlight

hands-423794_1280Turning the spotlight on my feelings made me realise that I didn’t have to ‘DO’ or ‘Be’ any more than I was already. I realised, that I was being fought for because I had been the very best I could be, I had consistently performed with passion and love over a 10-year plus period. I understood that this was just reward for that and that if I was to achieve even more and feel comfortable with the level of success I envisioned for myself this was the next logical step. I needed to put this new overcoat on and get used to wearing it.

Resolutions

girl-843076_1280By acknowledging the hidden side to success, but more importantly (and this is where the focus should be) by counting and acknowledging the positives, the minute by minute, day by day, month by month successes I had already achieved I was able to shift my feelings of undeserving or guilt and so feel completely worthy of the abundance being offered to me.

This January… as we consider the year that has just passed and look towards our ambitions for the year ahead I urge you to look at your success. Own and celebrate, what you have achieved and how far you have come. You will surprise yourself I assure you.

By feeling joy and self-appreciation you consciously programme yourself to accept and step up to even more success to come.

Blissings, Joy and peace for 2016

Insightful Angel

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Expectations

Happy Sunday All

I’ve noticed and I’m sure you have too, that one of our biggest sources of misery is from the relationships we have with others, especially our love/romantic relationships. There is nothing that we think provides us with such acutely negative feelings about our worth, as having a partner or Spouse leave us.

But, I have come to realise that loving someone is a gift. Each of our relationships is a lesson for us to learn from and pass through so we can evolve and transform. Each relationship is another opportunity for growth, if we choose to see it.

The misery comes not from the experience but from our ‘Expectations’ of it.

couple-309494_1280Person A

Person A has the belief that their self worth is tied to being loved by another. Their expectations are that love means the other person is constantly by your side, gives you their undivided attention and consistently offers displays of affection both in private and public. 

Person B

Person B’s expectations and beliefs are that love means giving others the space to be themselves, that love and affection are offered gifts and aren’t a demand or an obligation. The expectations they have of their partner are that they have freedom of choice, so every day that they wake up and their partner has chosen to be with them tells them they are loved.

Now the universe is made of opposites, Ying & Yang, masculine & Feminine and so…

Opposites attract.

So person A & B meet. The pull of person B’s strength and independence attracts A’s desire for care and protection. Person A’s emotional freedom and affection are a breath of fresh air and makes person B feel cherished, something they haven’t felt before. They are attracted to one another and begin a relationship.

Person A’s displays of affection allow Person B become a little more affectionate and Person B’s respect and support is warm and unusually freeing for Person A.

As time rolls by

Green-MileAfter a while however, Person B finds A’s demands for affection suffocating and confusing as they begin to get upset (feeling rejected) when Person B leaves them to pursue other interests or isn’t constantly demonstrating their affection.

To Person B, their constant demands for physical displays and emotional reassurance, implies a dependency that they associate with childishness and insecurity. They are uncomfortable with being constantly on emotional alert to A’s shifts in mood or upset when they do not feel too satisfied.

Surely they appreciate that they give them space to pursue their own interests and freedom to be themselves because of the immense love and respect then have for them? They have no idea that Person A sees the lack of attention as being abandoned and the result is they feel rejected.

Eventually…

Because of Person A’s belief that Love is demonstrated consistently person B’s displays are never enough for them. They feel constantly rejected. This becomes too much for them and they leave Person A to find someone who can give them the affection they crave.

Person B is left reeling; they were completely unaware that Person A was so disappointed. They have no real idea as to why. They then begin to assume that there must be something wrong with them, not with As expectations why person A left. They spiral into hurt and despair and berate themselves for their failings.

2014-07-19 15.00.45Self-Worth

Let’s look at it another way:

Both person A and Person B were operating from a set of beliefs. The truth is, if they had complete love for themselves they would understand that THEY are all they need, that approval from another is a bonus, but not necessary.

 

As the singer songwriter India Irie said:

‘Your self worth is YOUR job. It’s your sacred space to cultivate’

How another person expresses their love is not a reflection on your worth, but more an expression of what they have known and learnt about love and their relationship to it up to this point.

Now we all have a right to express our needs and how we would prefer to see them expressed, but how many of us actually sit with our significant other and have this conversation?

For A & B their relationship was a unique opportunity for person A and person B to learn about the nature of love and it’s many expressions. It was an opportunity for them to decide what love is, what its expression means to them and how and when they choose to express it.

Choices, decisions and changes

thinking-236770_150Our relationships are always opportunities to make and refine our choices, decide which of our expectations no longer serve us and so we choose to discard them and which expectations/beliefs we now know because of new information and learning we will decide to keep.

We would suffer less in our love relationships if we used them as a source of learning.

When we have a strong emotional reaction, consider if you’re seeing the actions of the other person through the distorted lens of your preconceived expectations or is what their communicating justified and so they DO need to consider making changes?

Once we are aware of this we realise that we can change our thoughts and therefore our beliefs and as a result our experiences.

  • What can you learn about yourself – what do you think and how do you feel and Why?
  • What are your expectations of love & Romance? – are they reasonable/achievable?
  • What do you assume Love should feel/Look like?
  • What are your expectations of yourself in love – How do you think you should feel?
  • What habits/beliefs still serve you and you choose to keep and which ones should you now let go? And why?

Take the time to honestly contemplate the questions and truthfully answer them.

2014-09-08 11.48.35And so to you

If you’re in a relationship, you’ve recently had had a break-up or you’re looking for a new relationship, it’s worthwhile really examining these questions for yourself before you enter into a new phase.

You will find as you uncover who you and what you need you begin to change your thoughts and alter your expectations. These new expectations mean you are more likely to attract a relationship which serves you more completely, one which and will ultimately runs, rather than one which leaves you feeling unfulfilled or dissatisfied.

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

 

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Being Tested

Happy Sunday everyone,

Over the last couple of weeks I was being tested.

Tested Big time!

I’m sure we’ve all known those times, times when you want to pursue a goal or particular direction, yet the energies seem to be conspiring to either scupper your efforts or keep you in your current space.

What to do in this situation?

My response is: DO NOTHING

Now when I say do nothing I don’t mean absolutely nothing, but I do mean don’t push against the energy.

stickman-310590_150You think you’re so sure?

You see, I’ve noticed in life that when we decide to be or do something different or change in some way the universe will challenge you. “Are you sure this is what you want?” she demands “Yes” you reply and again comes the ‘You sure you’re sure?” and sometimes, even when for a second time your conviction holds and you navigate another hurdle she’ll (the universe is always a ‘she’ to me) come in with another…

“I’m not convinced; prove it to me one more time!”

Boy! This universe is a hard woman to convince eh?

But these challenges are not easy choices to make. For example:

You may be thinking of changing your job. You’re not being as stimulated as you once were, you perhaps are not getting the recognition you feel you deserve or whatever the reason.

You decide to leave: YOU SURE?

You investigate and make connections and an opportunity presents itself. It’s with a relatively new company, more responsibility and challenge and a great match for your skills and values; a huge potential for growth, maybe even a stake in the company in the future.

fitness-332278_150Like a giddy Kipper!

You get fired up about it, you consider it carefully, you’re excited and full of joy a feeling you haven’t felt in some time and like a giddy Kipper you convince your partner that you’ll be so much happier, that it’s a better fit for you and that the future holds the potential for greater promise if you travel this path. It will just take some time to fully realise its potential.

You’re all set to leave: YOU SURE YOU’RE SURE?

And then your current boss invites you into their office and offers you the promotion you’ve been wanting for the last year and a half!

The one you’ve worked for and deserve and had lost hope of achieving. It’s much more rewarding financially than the vibrant new opportunity, but your boss is a challenge and there have been times when you didn’t agree with decisions they made nor how they made them.

It would mean staying within the confines of a large organisation and the structure, rather than the ‘freer’ environment and autonomy of the new opportunity.

You have to think. You agonise for days (your boss gives time), but you know you can’t take too long as they’ll think you’re not enthusiastic and a little ungrateful; after all, you’ve wanted this for many, months.

No…I’m sure, I’m sure

You decide that you’re still going for the opportunity that offers autonomy and expansion and then:

“BLAM!” 

She says: I’M NOT CONVINCED PROVE IT TO ME ONE MORE TIME!

You find out you’re having baby…

Jeez!

Do you:

  1. Stay…Take the stability, comfort and security, the familiar structure that you know how to navigate, the ‘devil you know.’
  2. Take the risk on an unknown future, with potentially unsteady and unproven variables yet potentially the reward, lifestyle and peace of mind you’ve always dreamed of?

Do you stay true to the YOU you want to be or the you you already know how to be?

This is the space I have been in over the last few weeks and the space I’m sure many of you will find yourself in at some point in your life. This is what I have learnt.

Be still…

Be still and listen for the Divine Whispers

arm-wrestling-176645_150The push & the pull

In middle school we had a gruff, blustery teacher named Mr Hardy. He was a rugged Geordie and very ‘no-nonsense.’

As well as being my form tutor he ran the gymnastics team of which I was a member. Now, I think we all know the form and shape expected of a gymnast. I on the other, hand have always been more of a Serena Williams body type, boobs and all! In most conventional thinking not the most efficient shape for elevations, lifts, jumps and springs; yet I did very well, but you can imagine I often felt a bit like a sunflower in a garden full peonies as well as a deep-seated  insecurity among those sylph like others, who seemed to effortlessly glide through the air like a hot knife through butter.

One day he pulled me aside and asked me a question:

“Pauline,” he said “ have you ever tried pushing a pram on the sand?

“No sir” I answered.

“Well,” he responded, “you push and push and you just churn up more sand and the wheels get even more stuck, your progress is erratic and you get tired. Do you know what you should do?”

Of course I didn’t and told him so. He said…

“Turn around and pull…then you’ll glide over the surface with ease”

water-256195_150Flow

There is a point to this…I’m coming

You know I never forgot what he said.

I have remembered this throughout out my life and it has served me well.

To me he was telling me to stop trying so hard…to relax and let my muscles do what I was training them to. The ‘effort’ I was putting in was causing tension and that tension was creating stiffness and not the flow’ necessary for transformation.

The very effect I was trying so hard to create I was constraining. I needed to let go and turn around and ‘PULL’ I would find the movements would then unfold and create themselves effortlessly.

So, I’m in the middle of being tested and I remember the story. I remember and chose to stop endlessly ruminating on the topic, do the necessary but not make major decisions and be still…

whisper-408482_1280Whispers

As soon as I did the ‘whispers started’

  1. I was watching a film and heard “stay the course” twice…
  2. Then I heard the phrase “Be the true you” I knew these phrases were messages to me because you know when you get that churn or wrench in your stomach/solar plexus as if you’re being told to:

‘Pay attention?’

butterfly-108616_150Then there were butterflies; not unusual at this time of the year I know, yet I seemed to be followed by them and they were unusually tame around me. I even had one following me in the middle of London!

On looking them up their significance I see:

“Lighten up and stop taking everything so seriously. Get ready for a big change, one where and old habit, way of thinking, or lifestyle is going out, and a new beginning is emerging. It’s time to make the changes you’ve been considering. In spite of the challenges you’ll get through this transition, and as always know that ‘this too shall pass.’”

Well blow me down with a feather!

Clarity

It was clear to me that I indeed WAS being tested. Tested to know completely that what I was choosing was exactly what I REALLY WANTED, being tested and challenged to recognise when I’m being guided and supported and being tested to

`Trust my own inner guidance.’

zen-178992_150If we are to ‘stay the course’ when things get tough, we need to have complete conviction.

This conviction comes from pushing through resistance and knowing absolutely that the path we have chosen is the one we truly want. In order to know this we need to have fought for it, to face adversity to win it and so the universe will ‘test.’ You, but will show up to guide you and give you clues too.

‘In gratitude’ to Mr Hardy

At various stages in my life I have recalled `Mr Hardy’s voice telling me this tale. Mostly at times in my life when I was being tested, had decisions to make and I have automatically gotten into worry or anxiety mode. When I’ve been pushing myself for a finite and definite response and ‘stressing.’ Not knowing which direction to take.

Sometimes these dilemmas have been about my life path, or decisions about career and work, sometimes the decisions have been ones about love and partnerships.

When we remember Mr Hardy’s tale it reminds us to:

  1. Stop…turn around
  2. Be still… listen for the divine whispers
  3. Heed the messages we’re being given and only then should we move….  We’ll find then that we’ll glide over the sand.

2014-04-29 18.35.30Do you need an opportunity to be still and read the ‘whispers?’

Perhaps you’re restless and  you know there’s more

Perhaps like me you’re being tested

Perhaps it’s just a niggling feeling…

Perhaps you’ve decided things need to change but simply need support and guidance

On 22nd August take some time and ‘listen.’

I’ve created a space for just 28 people…

An intimate supportive and powerful workshop where you get to focus on YOU

A Space for you to become still and start ‘pulling’ YOUR  pram across the sand.

https://spacetob.eventbrite.co.uk

Blissings and much love

Insightful Angel

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My Pledge – I am

Happy Tuesday all,

It’s Rather unusual I know for me to be posting today, but I’m feeling triumphant but exhausted. I’ve spent the best part of  4 hours searching google for my disappeared posts and copying, pasting and re-typing them. This process took concentration and patience and in this state I began musing.

You see I have a vision of what I feel my service to the world is and I’ve kind of in a muddled-not-very-clear way expressed it, but today I decided to GET CLEAR.When I got clear I knew I needed to declare it, so that I become accountable, so that you can call me to task and say: “You said you’d do/be X-Y-Z.” So below is my manifesto: My Pledge – ‘I AM’ statement

i-am-429698_1280I am

Loving, open space. I am safety, I am possibility & fearlessness.

I shine.

I am powerful beyond what my conscious mind can conceive. I am amazing; an example to others of human potentiality.

I am JOY!

I see the best of you, in ALL of you and support you so you feel free enough to allow your light to shine and your power to flow.

angel-645591_1280

I am the spark that ignites the potentiality in others, so they can stand; fully immersed in the completeness of the power they know is within and the abundance they know they deserve

I am present & respect the imperfect perfection in us all, reflecting back to you everything you can be, do & have, and in so doing, I propel you into the light of your own being

I am everything & nothing

I am full & complete.

I celebrate all of life, all of my feelings, all my wants and desires, all of my failings and successes.

All are mine & all are perfect because they belong to ME!

I am whole; I am good, I am OK

I am the lilting breeze, the raging storm and the soft milk moon because every part of me is a part of everything.

hands-423794_1280

I am Complete

I am ME

My hope for you

Is that you deeply connect with the meaning in my words and through them begin to connect with your own wonder. I commit to working with you to see your light and to use my skills and talents to support you so you can bring your talents, joys and light into the world, for as Marianne Williamson says:

I vow to lose my personal fear so, help me to help YOU and to DO exactly what my heart tells me I am here for.

22nd August 2015 you are invited here: 

A Space To B…Me

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

 

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Education & Birth

Happy Sunday All,

easter-eggs-519468_1280Re-birth

It would seem that Easter is a time of contemplation, renewal and re-birth for me. It always seems more right for me to make resolutions and changes at this time of the year than at any other.

Easter  for me represents re-birth and new life.

At this time one year ago I launched this blog site and I am proud of myself for committing to it and posting each week for 80% of the year. This year I have something as exciting to share with you and that is the launch of my new business.

A passion for Learning

leave-364178_1280As readers of this blog you will know I am a passionate educator, but now we are experiencing a crisis. A crisis in Education as the ‘scapegoating’ and ‘blaming’ of teachers means there’s a witch-hunt to get rid of those ‘incompetent’ and ‘lazy’ teaching professionals and their Leaders. This hunt, orchestrated by the Press & Politicians and believed by Parents is intensifying. The failure, as I see it is one belonging to our Political & Cultural leaders, as well as society. The problem is we’ve failed to eradicate poverty and the social disadvantages that go with it, yet it is on the teaching professions that we choose to place the blame.

This is the real issue and lies at the heart of educational under achievement and social disadvantage, yet it is we, the educators, who are told that they have failed to adequately support and guide our children.

Poorly…2014-06-22 11.18.54

As a result Education is sick. She’s barely able to support herself let alone the tireless idealists who enter the profession thinking we can contribute to society. We enter the profession bright and idealistic only to have the life and creativity sapped out of us by a Government that wants us to create sausages!

Same length, same thickness, same weight! Uniform drones who’ll continue to be compliant 21st Century minions.

Education is thrashing about furiously trying to meet the demands of Government who increasingly ask for statistics, data and more statistics. It is they who are wringing the curriculum they enforce us to teach dry of creativity, innovation or individuality. It is they who are squeezing the metaphorical life out of philosophical and cultural thought. It is they who are murdering social responsibility and collective thought. It is they who are drowning us in the weight of administration and red tape that we barely have time to think let alone design creative lessons that stimulate and challenge those we teach.

2014-07-06 10.17.40Making a difference

I want to serve in some way.

My vision is to use my skills to offer support to my colleagues, those heroes, yes heroes and heroines who tirelessly continue, like myself to go in every day because of love.

 

  • We love the children we teach.
  • Who go in every day so every one of our students, your children can discover, see and believe in the gifts they bring to the world.
  • Who go in every day and believe
  • Who do this despite criticism, blame, under-payment & under-financing of the institutions in which we work.

We should always A C C T

support-205187_150My service will take the form of supporting my fellow Teaching Leaders and professionals so that they can Lead & Teach through their Authenticity, Courage, Creativity & Trust. It is these qualities that I believe contributed to my success as an Educator and Education Leader and it is these qualities that create excellence in each of us if we give ourselves permission to bring these qualities into our work.

As an Educational professional working with my organisation my intention is for you to gain insight into your core values find the courage to lead and work operating with these fundamentals as your base. You will learn to understand your own gifts and find the courage to Lead and Teach from a place of greater authenticity. When you do this you create deeper connections both with colleagues and pupils. Deeper connections lead to communities based on trust. In such an environment EVERYONE succeeds, EVERYONE thrives.

My new Baby:

rowanoakovallogofinal

At RowanOak Consulting

Our mission is simple. We aim to create and support today’s leaders to lead powerfully, to lead with integrity & to lead authentically.

We will support you as an individual so you have a greater understanding of  and can lead yourselves. In turn you will become more effective, leaders of the groups, communities and organisations you serve and lead. You will be supported so that you can create a set of values that serve the whole and develop a leadership strategy that has been designed in & fosters trust Between you & your team members.

We will support you so you can govern with the good of all concerned as well as ensure that your cultural currency and decision-making are focused on satisfying the needs of the collective and not that of individual self-interest.

Our aim is to give, you, today’s leaders with the tools necessary to lead successfully, lead authentically and to lead for the common good.

We commit to guiding & supporting you, so that you are able to create cultures that are value based; cultures in which there is a shared commitment to supporting the needs of the collective, the needs of the community & the Global need.

Hi-jacked!

angel-645591_1280It is an honour and a privilege to support those Teachers, Education professionals and Teaching Leaders who want to positive value based change, whether it be in your Career, your Department or your school and do so in a way that enables you to bring your truth and talents to your work.

It would seem that I’ve hi-jacked my post today and it’s become and homage to teachers (which was not my intention), however I’m not disappointed. Sometimes things just happen organically and you have to ‘flow’ with them.

If you are a teacher, if you work in Education, if you know of any teachers or teaching Leaders, Please forward today’s post to them so they know that they are appreciated  & loved for the work that they do.

Blissings & Much Love

Have a wonderful Easter Day

Insightful Angel

For a powerful conversation re: how I can best support you please feel free to comment via today’s post and please leave an email address for a reply.

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Letting Go

Happy Sunday All & Happy New Year!

Firstly, my hope is that the recent festivities/holiday season has left you feeling rested, renewed and relaxed. It’s a wonderful time, despite the commerciality, when (predominantly in the Western hemisphere) the world is made to look a little more magical and we are allowed once again to let the ‘child’ out to play.

Now that the festivities are over we invariably enter a time of reflection. We review the past year and consider our triumphs our challenges and hopefully learn some lessons from the last 365 days. Our thoughts turn to change, we make resolutions to do, be more/better.

I prefer to see it NOT as resolution making, but rather as ‘letting go.’

Divine Whispers

whisper-408482_1280The universe has been talking to me to me over the last few weeks. It started out as light murmur which became a whisper, which became a prod which then became a shout, A slap in the face, a hollering I could no longer ignore.

The messages came in the form of comments heard in passing whispered in fleeting segments of conversation. They came as extracts in books & phrases which leapt off web pages, all of which were in some form or other telling me I had unfinished business and there was still some ‘letting go’ I needed to do. I’m still going through this processing but thought it would be useful to share what insights I  have gained in so doing.

Letting go is so hard to do…let-go-594531_1280

The song by Neil Sedaka (really showing my age now), says breaking up is hard to do, but it occurred to me that it’s letting go’ that we find such a challenge.

We’ve all been hurt… Everyone of us has at some point had to deal with some emotional pain. But it’s the letting go of the hurt that’ will allow you to make space in your heart and your life for new joy and happiness. If your heart is stuffed full of past hurts and pain how can you open up to new experiences, new bliss-ings?

sylvester-586225_1280New Year’s Resolutions

They don’t work!

Well, they don’t do they?

I realise now that one of the main reasons why they don’t work is that they tend to involve ‘loss.’ We see ourselves as ‘losing.’ something or that the change is something we’re making more often than not because we’re complying to someone or something else’s ideal.

It’s something we feel we should do.

If, in our unconscious mind, we haven’t really signed on to what we feel we ‘should’ be doing, then there is a disconnect.  The ‘should’ implies a lack of emotional attachment to the decision and the action. We are operating from a place of pressure and being commanded. This lack of emotional attachment to the outcome means we are less likely to get the outcome we say we want.

We’ve all been hurt int he past. Many of us, as a result have developed compensatory behaviours to soothe ourselves and lessen the hurt we felt. But equally many of us are ‘holding on,’ nursing and feeding the hurt looking backwards and blaming the current habits that are our ‘resolutions’ on those past events.

The idea that we’re ‘losing’ something also brings up that old ‘bogieman’ FEAR.

We begin to fear that if we ‘lose’ our current emotional crutch, habit, obsession that we won’t have anything to replace it with. We may end up alone, or bored or more ‘stuff’ may come up to look at; all kinds of irrational ideas begin to plague our thoughts before we’ve even let go.

 Open your hand

I often use an analogy to explain to my friends & pupils about fear and holding on to the past:

If you had a hand full of gold coins of course you’d want to hold onto them.

You may decide you’ll spend sparingly, especially if you’ve never seen such riches before.

However one day, someone comes along and wants to give you a beautiful, precious gemstone (Diamond, Sapphire, Ruby) whatever you wish.

diamond-316610_1280

It’s worth more than all the coins you can fit into your hand altogether.

You’ve always wanted a gem like this.

It’s beauty you’ve admired for years and yearned for one just like it.

The wealth it could provide would enhance not just your life but the lives of others too.

but you’re afraid that if you open your hand you’ll lose the gold coins,

letting go holds fear.

letting go means taking a risk.

letting go means maybe ending up with nothing…

What if the coins fall and sink into the mud

lost forever?

coins-163517_1280

So you clasp your fingers even more tightly around the coins, desperate.

After all, you know their worth, the familiar feels of them in your palm and you’ve had them for a while

you know how much you’ve spent and how much is left and there are no surprises.

And so, you pass on opening your hand.

It’s simple…

But what if you unclasp those fingers, lay your palm flat?

What if you allow someone to give you an even more beautiful, even more precious gift?, Instead you hold on tightly, stick with what you know and miss the chance of receiving what you’ve always wanted, what will enrich your life, everything you’ve ever dreamed of having, doing and being…

Flip the script!

manuscript-203465_1280Instead of seeing change as a loss, see it as letting go of something that no longer serves who you choose to be or what you choose to have, do or want.

Change your thought around the issue and change your language. A ‘resolution’ just SOUNDS like hard work doesn’t it? Res-O-Lu-Tion! harsh and gutteral.

LETTING GO however, sounds soft and  easy and effortless,

Resolution has the emotional energy of the ‘must,’ the ‘should,’ whereas letting go is a ‘conscious’ and ‘positive’ decision You’ve made, you have the control and are more likely to follow through and get the results you say you want.

For example: If you’re wanting to lose a few Kilos, you could say to yourself

“I’m letting go of the need to feel comfort through foods that I know do not enhance my health and that hinder me acquiring a body I love, deserve and feel proud of” 

You have the control, you have the power

This sounds so much better than:

I’m so overweight/fat!  OR I must lose at least 14 kilos OR ‘Who’ll want me when I look like this OR I’ve got to get this weight off! 

As you can hear, the second options have so much more emotional charge to them and so we are less likely to let them go. The first statement comes from a place of empowerment and safety and of trusting that you deserve and can have what you want for yourself.

Exercise

Is there something you really want to shift or change in your life?

Over the next week take an issue that you know you want to change. It could be a ‘resolution.’ type issue or a more long-standing, deeper issue that you know you need to shake, but you’ve struggled with.

Perhaps you don’t stick up for or assert yourself, perhaps you tend to be a people pleaser and afraid to put your needs before others, perhaps you do need to lose a few pounds or exercise regularly.

  1. Think about the issue – what feelings, phrases and thoughts come up around this? Don’t edit or judge what comes up, just let it be what it is
  2. Take a sheet of paper and write down how it shows up, notice the words, the language you use around the issue, how these thoughts make you feel.
  3. Take those words & phrases, thoughts and ideas and ‘flip the scrip.’ Turn them into positive ones about letting go. Statements that are about YOU making choices that enhance you, that you deserve to experience, that you want to experience.
  4. Feel the positive feelings that arise when you read these newly formed and empowered thoughts back to yourself. (Bin the negative ones by the way!)
  5. Sit with your newfound statement(s) and say them to yourself every day…Breathe into and feel the positive feelings that come with them; allow them to intensify.

Next week I will give tips on ways of ‘letting go.’

For now I will say ‘adios.’

I would love to hear how the exercise worked for you. What changes do you feel and what actions do you take as a result?

Please feel free to comment and of course please subscribe if you haven’t already done so.

Share, Share, Share with your circles, especially someone who wants to make changes and may really benefit from reading this page today.

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

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