Compression

Happy Sunday all,

This post will be a brief one, but I just couldn’t, despite doctors orders, leave it too long before I communicated again. One thing to know about me is, that when the universe wants me to pay attention I will become ill in some way. Fortunately for me that hasn’t been too often, but when I need to attend to something or I need a ‘wake up call’ something happens to my physical body. I am then forced to slow down or stop and that’s when I start being really, really still.

macro-319237_1920In stillness, you know I’ve said it before, is when the ‘stuff’ comes up that we need to look at or work on. So, if you’re life feels ‘still’ or you’re ‘bored’ as my pupils are perpetually telling m they are, then be thankful, because you’re in a place of opportunity, a place where you can decide over again and choose differently if the ones you made to date haven’t served you.

You’re in a place where you can create your situation again and become NEW.

This is me: Feeling much like a pin-cushion and very sore!

IMAG1910You can’t do much without the use of your hands and fingers, so much of the last two weeks I have just been sitting or ‘doing’ at a very, v e r y s l o o o o o w pace.

I have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome…

The Median nerve, which runs from the shoulder down the forearm and into the middle fingers, is being compressed. The nerve travels though the carpal tunnel. This tunnel is like an elastic band across the wrist that holds all those little bones and nerves in place so they’re not just bouncing around. The compression (soreness and swelling due to overuse)

As there now less room in this small space due to the swelling, there is more pressure on the bones and especially the nerves; less room for all that stuff to fit under the band. This causes numbness and pain in the fingers and at the wrist and in worsening and severe cases up the forearm and into the shoulder. Left unchecked it leads to the loss of strength and eventually permanent damage to the nerves meaning you lose the ability to manipulate or use your fingers. Not good!

Numbness

2014-04-29 18.35.30Doing anything involving my hands means I immediately experience more pain and numbness. Night times are the worst. The pain is excruciating and wakes me several times a night, but less about my suffering and back to the lessons it’s teaching me (and I said I’d be brief!)

On the physical, logical level it’s about repetitive strain from doing the same actions over and over, for a long, long time. Too much marking and heavy bag carrying and typing (which is why I need to make this brief)

According to Louise Hay – Who asserts that every physical manifestation is the result of thoughts and emotions we have had continuously over time and these thoughts and emotions have created a physical manifestation of those thoughts, she says:

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome: Anger and frustration at life’s seeming injustices.

I guess she could be right!

cropped-girl-863340_1280.jpgI have been very saddened by some of the things I see happening in today’s society, especially when the weak or poor or disadvantaged are being even more poorly treated or kicked around, but what I’m being reminded of in my stillness, is that my focus should always be to deal with what’s in front of me in the here and now.

To Focus on the trajectory and direction of My life and mine alone.

There’s no point worrying about what’s ‘OUT THERE’ or what ‘OTHERS’ are doing to the point where I become emotional about it.

  1. Because this means I am not being the Captain of my ship, my hand is not on the tiller of MY LIFE, so I’m not, therefore, steering my life, on purpose
  2. Usually too, it means I’m criticising or judging (albeit unintentionally) I will be unhappy with the actions or policies of some system or government or organisation and that is judging.
  3. These thoughts are creating negative energy
  4. waves-circles-285359_1280If I am the pebble and the universe is the lake into which I have been dropped then this energy is the energy that is rippling out in front of me.
  5. Those concentric rings surround the pebble and resonate out far beyond the physical boundary of the pebble. So this: judgement, criticism, holding back, resentment is the energy the pebble, (me/you) moves forward into. (I know the pebble will simply sink), but you get the analogy!
  6. ‘I’ am the pebble and I move forwards into that energy, into the minutes, days, months and years of my life; into the energy I created perhaps months or years ago and if I continue to focus on this energy, I add to those ripples making them stronger ripples, ripples that makes the surface of the lake choppier, rougher and harder to navigate.

So in closing; deal with YOUR here and now. Even if you have a mission to change the world it starts with YOU.

Your example, what you do, how you speak, what you say influences not only the trajectory of your future, but others too as they adjust their tiller and make their choices anew. So perhaps you will, simply by being in control your own thoughts and actions, indeed Change the world!

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

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Letter to my younger self II

Happy Sunday all,

I ended up thinking of so many other things I could advise my younger self to do, say or be; that one post seemed wholly inadequate and so this week I’m sharing the second of my posts, advising the younger me on the surest pathway to authenticity, truth and happiness. As thoughts and insights whizzed and pinged in my brain, one insight kept re-winding and repeating over and over and that was:

“It’s about the people in our lives…choose wisely”

Dear Angel,

hands-1022028_1280In your early years you of course had no choice in the people in your life, but what I now realise is that good, bad or indifferent, they were our university. They were the mirrors that reflected back to us the qualities, habits and behaviours we could choose to adopt or ditch.

What we now realise we were doing was creating the woman we are today, sometimes as a reaction against the behaviours and habits in front of us, sometimes because of them. Either way they were valuable and helped us mould ourselves into whom we are today.

You did a good job, we’re not so bad really, I think we did OK!

It’s the people in our lives.. choose wisely

shadow-198682_1280As you grow into wisdom, choose carefully those people you have a round you. NEVER feel pressured to be with, follow or do the bidding of someone who is boosting their ego and lack of inner esteem by bullying others or putting them down.

The people around you should make you feel energised, light and supported. Not criticised, chastised or downright low after you’ve spent time with them. If you don’t feel like this, let them go if they’re friends, love them from a distance yourself if they’re family.

The Crowd

Don’t follow the crowd, unless the way their going is the one that’s right for you. In fact no…Just DON’T follow the crowd. EVER!

london-1018629_1280Firstly, it means you can’t see where you’re going and you have no control and secondly, you’ll waste years thinking you’re being ‘on trend’ or ‘with it’ only to find when the crown stops or the ‘trend’ dies out and you look around you’re not where you wanted to be.

Not only this, ‘trends’ have habit of constantly shifting and you’ll just get exhausted trying to keep up and who creates them anyway? Anyone who needs followers’ in order to feel good about themselves obviously feels lacking in some way, so what the hell do they have to offer you or anyone else if they don’t even have anything about themselves they believe in?

 

On Being ‘Sexy’

No amount of money or make-up or designer clothing will make you sexier, more loveable or more likeable…

Trust me on this one: THE absolute Sexiest thing in the world is someone who is confident in their abilities, likes who they are and is Comfortable in their own skin!

Now THAT is irresistible!

Elders

Spend time with them…

Your parents, your grandparents…

old-age-957492_1280

Our bodies may be ageing, but we still feel the same as we did when we were in our twenties. We now have a magical combination; the heart and sensibilities of a young person, coupled with the wisdom acquired from making mistakes, seeing others do the same and can advise you with insight. Not only that we love you more than you could ever know and hold nothing but your best in our hearts and minds for you. We would NEVER steer you wrong.

Health

I know it’s a cliché and everyone says it, but it’s a phrase becomes a cliché because it is consistently proven which is why people say them over an over again: But, Without your health, there is nothing.’

Health is the salt of life. It gives it flavour. Without it life is left tasteless and bland.

  • The first thing to do is Sleep. When we sleep we heal, when we get the sleep we need we are lighter, brighter, more creative.
  • Drink more Water, we’re still not the greatest at this, but we’re getting better. Dehydration ages you and causes you to feel lethargic and lacking in energy
  • Read more booksREAD, READ, READ there is SO much to know about life, people, love and everything.
  • I’d advise you to Stop drinking milk…Sorry but despite the culture and the norm it’s just no good for you.
  • Eat as much plant-based food as possible.
  • Be in nature whevever you can it’s soothing and calming and you’d be amazed the solutions that come to you when you’re surrounded by the lilting sounds of nature
  • De-clutter…It clears your mind and makes you feel lighter
  • Take care of your knees! No seriously, they’re so vital to the functioning of the rest of your physique.
  • Be Still… Find a way to turn your thoughts inward. Or just ‘Be’ in that space. By doing this you stay tuned to your inner navigation system, your intuition and learn to trust yourself and your decisions.
  • Be in the Sun…regularly and for extended periods of time, especially if you have Melanin. The sun makes everyone feel JOY.

And so in the end…

coast-631925_1280In closing Angel, my last words of advice to you would be to remember to open your heart. Remember no one ever died of a broken heart. You WILL recover and will be stronger, wiser and more grateful for the experience you have just been through.

So, for now, I think I’ve said all I need to.

Remember: You can’t control others, so don’t try to, don’t sweat the small stuff, really the little things don’t matter in the scheme of things and…

Look after your KNEES!

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

 

 

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Letter to my younger self

 

Happy Sunday All,

Dedicated to Ella, Jake, Lily, Brogan, Ben, Roya & Demi

old-letters-436501_1280I’ve had a week in which many younger people, presented their problems, concerns and issues to me and I found myself giving the best advice I could to support them and hoping it would be enough My response is generally to simply say what I know about life up to this point and share what I have learnt; when it occurred to me; If the younger version of me, my innocent and wide-eyed self was in front of me now, what would I say to her? How would I re-assure her that she’s OK and always will be? How would I convince her that she is talented and beautiful and unique?

 

So…

I decided today to write a letter to my younger self.

Dear Angel,

You’re only 17 and I remember you being wracked with a searing doubt about who you are and your worthiness right now. That’s OK because without doubt, we do not question ourselves and dig deep. When we do this, we are forced to make decisions about who we are and that’s a good thing.

hands-1283146_1280You see, we are malleable, like plasticine or clay…I guess that’s why the bible says we have feet of clay. The analogy is a good one because we DO indeed ‘shape’ ourselves. That shaping comes in the form of the choices we make in the face of the challenges and the upsets and the betrayals and the disloyalty and the mis-steps and the slip-ups. You see in those moments you get to decide which way you want to go, how you want to behave and who you CHOOSE to be. These are THE most valuable moments because you get to decide who & what you want to be in and to this world.

I’m very proud of you. You’ve become a kind and loving elder who has always looked to the good in others and this is all we need to do.

STUFF!

girl-worried-1215261_1280Yes, others may have been cruel, betrayed you, yes you were let you down and disappointed, yes you’ve been criticised, but that was “THEIR STUFF” don’t take it on. I admire that you knew instinctively what is right for us and you stick with always showing kindness and forgiveness.

For that reason you are still able to embrace life’s joys. You are not cynical or bitter, you are not a martyr or a victim. In fact you’re eternally hopeful believing that the life you dream of will is just around any and every corner.

In this letter to my younger self, I can’t stress enough that I’d like you to get this one much, much sooner than we did the first time round. we only got this in our 4th decade, so please if you do one thing NOW it’s this:

LOVE YOURSELF!

encourage-866765_1280No…Listen, I said LOVE YOURSELF. Accept yourself completely and make NO excuse for being yourself, your ‘less desirable’ attributes included. You can simply decide to work on them and change any that you think they are an issue for you.

I’d like you to completely get that you are SO amazing. We all are and the longer I am here and the more people I meet the more conviction I have in this belief and I know deep, deep in my heart that the blissings you receive are as a result of how you treat and speak to yourself and others.

Find your peace

Find a way to quiet your inner critic as soon as possible and speak to yourself as you would a beautiful new-born child. We are a grandmother now and our granddaughter is simply pure joy just because she exists. She doesn’t have to do anything or give anything she has nothing to prove she just is and in just being, she is perfect.

Remember we were a baby; we were perfect and needed to do and be nothing but who and what we are. But guess what?

vipassana-997076_1280

It’s still the same way.

We are all still adorable, still joy and have nothing to prove, nor anything we have to be, except to follow what are our ‘Happy challenges.’ I say challenges because we need the tension and the ‘grist’ to shape us and help us choose (Not too much ‘grist’ or drama now please!) but happy because it’s the feel good feelings that keep us feeling energised and replenished so we can continue to give.

Which brings me neatly to ‘giving,’ as this is the ‘Key’ to your happiness.

N.B. You give to YOURSELF first.

You tended to suffer from giving, giving, giving to others, and that’s a quality I greatly admire in you, but you were doing so out of a desire for approval and forgot about YOU. I said it before you are worthy, so are we all and so keep your glass full and in that way you have enough to share and there is still half a glass left for yourself. Fill yourself with experiences and sharing and loving and creative work and whatever makes you light up and then you have the best of yourself to share with others.

Travel…

sea-418742_1920If I have one regret it’s that we haven’t travelled as much as we both wanted. Circumstances I know, but regardless, take any and every opportunity to travel. You will feel expanded and learn self-reliance and this leads to the inner confidence and knowing, truly knowing you will always be OK.

People

Ooh this is a biggie!

You cannot control another, so don’t even try.

Just as we are creating who we are, so others are creating themselves. The only thing you can do in any of your relationships is be your best version of yourself.

Be the self you choose and then choose again according to the choices, actions and reactions of others.

That’s the ‘dance,’ nothing more, nothing less

be-423796_1280If you feel an action you are taking is ‘right’ and honourable, (honours you and your moral code and respects them) and I stress the ‘honourable,’ then make no apology for it. You have a right to be YOU; you have a right to your choices for your life.

Have high standards for yourself and others and NEVER apologise for them or bend yourself into a pretzel to please others and what they think they want you to be. More often than not this springs from their own feelings of inadequacy or insecurity.

Sure there will be ties when you are alone as you transition from one circle to another, but you WILL find those kindred spirits who love you for who you are and do not need or want you to change yourself to ‘fit in.’

Don’t do it! EVER…

  • Be resolute and stick to what is right for YOU.
  • Do good
  • DO right

You KNOW what’s right… Yes you do, you know that inner feeling that sharp pinch that you get inside if you do or say something that’s cruel or wrong, so avoid having to feel it. Just don’t do it. Choose right always.

This letter to my younger self I now realise needs another chapter. So, for today I will leave you to contemplate the loving words I send to you as you step into your 18th year.

I love you, Enjoy life and know you are worthy you will be OK.

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

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Fun and Play

Happy Sunday All,

This will probably be a brief message today as I’m writing it in between ‘Gramamma’ duties. Cherub’s asleep and I’m pretty whacked, but earlier this week I realised that my 17 week-old angel had taught me a lesson. It was a lesson in why we should hold onto our sense of fun and play.

‘But we’re adults’ you scream, not children…Children PLAY!

A Spring in your step

freedom-307791_1280Yes, indeed they do, but as I played with my cherub I re-connected with many feelings I had forgotten about and left behind in childhood and it felt good.

I realised too that after having fun and play with our bundle of joy, I felt better. Sometimes I felt renewed and refreshed sometimes more peaceful and at other times I had ideas and felt more creative.

By far and away the biggest benefit I experience and the one that is very, very, very important to me is the deeper connection that takes place when I play with her.        Through our playing together there’s an exchange of affection and love.

Connectedness

girls-462072_1280We dare to look directly into each other’s in eyes and share a mischief or joke, and as we do so we recognise we are connected and that we love another. I am convinced that having fun and playing could help many couples who find themselves becoming distant from the reasons they connected and committed to one another in the first place.

There is a ‘feel good’ factor and the laughter generated (I have since learnt) releases endorphins. These endorphins create that lovely. ‘gooey’ sense of well-being and according to researchers can even relieve pain temporarily.

 

  1. Relaxation & Improved relationships

  • Feeling an increased relaxation after fun and play is another benefit that we, in these times of stress and pressure will most definitely benefit from. I mean when was the last time you ‘REALLY’ felt relaxed after having a good old ‘belly laugh?’ or collapsed in a heap of chuckles and satisfaction in the middle of a game with a friend or your partner or colleague? How much more improved would our communication and relationships be if we gave ourselves permission to have fun and played a little more?
  1. hand-782688_1280Trust and Compassion:

  • Sharing a good laugh with someone, creates increased feelings of trust and connectedness. Not only that the increased connection means improved compassion and ease between two people, This will surely make it easier to discuss those more challenging topics when they DO come up won’t it?
  1. Deeper more effective connection:

  • The greater feelings of compassion will mean there’s an increased effort to understand and be patient with one another and this ease means you’re more likely to come up with a creative solution to any issues you have to deal with. An ideal environment to cultivate whether it be in the home or in the workplace wouldn’t you say?
  1. magic-cube-1167224_1280Creativity and increased Stimulation:

  • We know that having fun and play is vital for successful development in children. But we all (and not just children) learn better if things are ‘fun’ for us to learn. Being more relaxed and playful means we’re better able to absorb information and stimulate our imagination, which means more effective and creative problem solving.
  1. Keeps you YOUNG!

  • When I have fun and play with my granddaughter I feel renewed and less fatigued than before. This I am sure is the same for anyone, so if for no other reason, having fun and playing is like drinking from the fountain of youth. Less wrinkles, more energy and an ever youthful ‘spring in your step!’blindfolded-37705_1280

There is saying attributed to George Bernard Shaw which says:

We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.’

Challenges? I’m too busy having fun!

I’m sure if I did some research I’d find a whole host of other benefits and reasons to have fun and play., but I hope that the five I’ve discovered will convince you to make time to play.

toddler-878749_1280Life has its challenges, so why not’ ‘lighten up’ and nurture your inner child. Try it! I assure you, your week, your job, you home life will be better if you inject a little more fun and play into it this week.

Why not give it a go and let me know how you get on?

What have you got to lose?

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

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When you’re done

Happy Sunday All,

There’s an incredible exhalation and settling into yourself that takes place when you finally realise that

When you’re done, you’re done!

let-it-be-594529_1280Oprah has a saying: “Let go and let God,’ and for some reason it’s a phrase that has stayed with me for over a year after first hearing. After wrestling with a challenge that for so many years I seemed to ‘get wrong’ and despite effort and meditation and all kinds of ‘spiritual’ methods, I just couldn’t seem to find a solution to.

Frustration

despair-862349_1280It was a situation that drained and exhausted me and left me feeling wanting and inadequate. All around me others seemed to master this issue, it seemed to come to them relatively easily, they manifested the solution and continued to do so, yet for some reason this eluded me. No matter how hard I tried, no matter how kind or cheerful (putting out positive energy into the universe, knowing it would be returned to me), no matter how much detachment I exercised or how many times I focused on my vision and tapped into ‘positive’ feelings to go with it.

As you can imagine this was not only a source of frustration, but a source (despite using every fibre of my being to keep up an equilibrium and stay aligned to the spiritual beliefs I hold true) of a shame and feeling of unworthiness that piqued and left me feeling like a fraud.

You know you know

rock-403773_1280You see I knew, in the very fibre of my being, that “The law of attraction.” That “What you put out you get in return;” I knew, just KNEW, that all these pillars of my beliefs were not empty epithets. That these practices worked and was universal and true for ALL of us, so if that was the case why wasn’t I getting the results I envisioned? Why was I still challenged by this state of affairs? Why was I still rolling that immense boulder uphill?

One day…I became angry.

That’s another thing. Many of us who are walking through this life on a ‘Spiritual’ pathway have no idea what to do with anger. Indeed we often deny it or suppress it, we feel ashamed that we even feel it, because aren’t we on a path to enlightenment and shouldn’t ‘feel’ like this? We are an ‘examples’ to others of grace and calm and acceptance aren’t we?

But I was P*ssed! To say the least!  (excuse the Vernacular!)

I was done!

And when you’re done –  you’re done!

I’d  come to the end of my tether; I had no rope left;

SO…

I let go…

2014-04-29 18.35.30The space of ‘When you’re done, you’re done’ is a place where you discover you have no fight left. You give up pushing and the same obstacle around the same old track, you give up fighting the same fight…

You’re so sick and tired and tired and sick of hearing yourself:

  1. Saying the same old things,
  2. Moaning the same old moans,
  3. Complaining about the same old complaints….

On…and on…and on…and on…and on

If you’re actually bored with yourself and angry with that incessant, chattering, vile voice in your head.

That’s when you know you’re done and…

When you’re done…you’re done!

It’s a strangely liberating feeling.

YOU LET GO and as Oprah says: “YOU LET GOD

hand-792923_1920

No! I haven’t suddenly had a religious conversion, you understand, the phrase simply serves to illustrate the point that you ‘GIVE UP & GIVE IN’ and in the process of letting go you give yourself permission:

  • Permission to stop feeling guilty – That you’re not where you should be, or done what you think you should have ‘by now!’
  • Permission to feel the immense, delectable peace that comes with ‘letting go.’ Letting go of the trials and the fight, letting go of the pushing and the challenge and the strain and the effort and the suffering.
  • Permission to allow another solution to manifest and open up for you
  • Permission to sleep more and cry less, to breathe more deeply and eat less (great for improving the waistline.)
  • You give yourself permission to relax more and focus on what you DO want instead of what you don’t
  • Permission to ‘flow’ and let go control
  • Permission to be more authentic, more real, more you; no excuses and no apologies.

hands-423794_1280

Consider this:

  • Is there some area in your work or life or relationship(s) that deep down you know you’re ‘flogging the proverbial dead horse?’
  • Is S/he not going to shift their position…they’ve told you so over and over again – BELIEVE THEM!
  • Is S/he not going to change though they keep promising? Do you know deep down it will take years even if they did? How much more time can you afford to invest in the situation? the relationship, in them?
  • Is the bureaucracy/bullying/ at work not going to ease off any time soon?
  • Will that friend not change and become more enlightened and kind and accepting of others? Have they told you ‘this is who they are’ but you keep trying to control the situation the outcome, the person?

Do you recognise any or all, of the above? If you do

STOP

hand-307728_150

 

It’s a clear sign you’re done

Liberation

children-214437_150Letting go and knowing that you’re done is the most liberating thing that can happen to you. There’s a physical release, a relaxing of the ‘holding,’ a letting go of the tension.

You get to focus instead, of what you don’t want, on channelling your energy clearly on what you DO want,

So too, with your feelings you begin to see that there are some you want to own and others you’d happily ditch…

  • You’re learning
  • You’re growing
  • You’re done

Elsa-FrozenIn being ‘done’ you re-focus your energy and recover your verve. Yes, you may have to do a bit of ‘facing up.’ And taking responsibility, after all, YOU made the choices you did, but along with this is an immense exhalation and a sinking into the space you should have occupied all along.

Here… you create and dream and wait and in the waiting your intuition tells you when and how you can now choose to be FREE.

Happy Easter all

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

 

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Shame

Happy Sunday All,

This week I seemed to discover a number of people both in my home and work lives who were, it’s become clear, walking in a cloud;  They were, I discovered, walking under a cloud. A cloud which caused them to lower their heads, a cloud which makes them constantly compare themselves to others and come up wanting, a cloud which sapped them both of their energy and their power.

A cloud called SHAME.’

shame-799095_1280The trouble with shame is, it’s great at disguising itself. It wears many different cloaks and so is often not recognised for what it is. This leads to it being ignored, mis-treated or dismissed. This week I have seen shame show up as grief, as self-loathing and as guilt and failure, yet at the root what each person was really desperately trying to deal with was SHAME.

What the experts say

Psychologists have identified that many of our negative behaviours come, not from guilt, but from shame. There are of course degrees of shame. Feeling embarrassment or shy, are perhaps the less damaging lighter end of the shame spectrum; indeed in some social circumstances, perhaps we need to feel these less deeply-rooted, less insidious versions of shame, but shame becomes a serious and incredibly dangerous emotion when it becomes tied to our self-image.

The root of the problem

root-1013564_1280As with anything, which can destroy us; shame invariably takes hold in infancy. Those children, who have been criticised incessantly, punished severely or cruelly; neglected, abused or suffer abandonment receive a message that they don’t fit in the world and that they are deficient in their ‘being’ not for what they’re ‘doing.’ They develop low self-esteem and those with low self-esteem are often oversensitive and afraid.

Their fears focus on ‘getting things wrong’ or not knowing the ‘rules of the game’ which manifest as embarrassment or humility on the one hand to social phobias and disorders, abuse, rage, bullying and a range of other personal and social issues on the other and all of them mask the deep-seated root of the problem.

So what’s the difference?

flowers-182312_1280Guilt is different, a message that you ‘DID’ something wrong. This means that you’re able to make amends or correct the error, but with shame the thought is that YOU are wrong. The message is one that you do not ‘fit’ and are inferior or inadequate.

Guilt is how a psychologically healthy person responds when who realise they have done something wrong. To feel guilt helps us act more responsibly the next time around and positively make good on what it is we have done.

Feeling Guilty means – We can correct it…

But shame has a tendency to direct us towards destructive behaviours when we try to drown out, push down or obliterate our feelings of disgrace and shame, or to other destructive behaviours, such as intimidation, rage and abuse to transfer our feelings of shame to others.

When we’re convinced that we are wrong in our core because of the shame we are feeling, we destroy our healthy sense of self.

Stop blaming yourself

A New EndingEach of the people I spoke to or heard about this week were experiencing a depression of sorts and as they spoke to me about their feelings It occurred to me that each of them had adopted the idea somewhere that they were intrinsically ‘NO GOOD’ that somehow they were not loveable, they were not acceptable, that something about them was abhorrent.

One had suffered abuse as a child, one had lost a parent at a young age and the other was experiencing a transition, a downturn in their business fortunes, yet despite glaringly different situations, as each of them spoke it became clear that they were connected by the feelings they had about themselves.

The more we talked the more it became clear they each were experiencing feelings of shame. Each had acquired a form of depression as a result…

 

Now, I was confused.  Why?

You see it was obvious to me that whatever their situation was or had been they (especially the first two) were powerless to prevent them.

So, why were they blaming themselves?

Why were they convinced that the fault lay with them?

Why were they unable to see that it was their abusers and persecutors who’s own feelings of shame had led then to act out and transmute their feelings of self-loathing into harming them.

Stepping up to life can be fearful...What's next?

It’s the expectations

The other thing I noticed when talking to each of them that the source of their happiness (or rather lack of it) came not from the reality of what they were experiencing, but from an ideal they thought they SHOULD be living but weren’t.

The point of this post is really to get across to anyone reading this who is blaming themselves for things that have taken place and yet were beyond their control.

IT WASN’T YOUR FAULT!

2014-10-04 08.11.16I’m spelling out here what became so obvious to me during my conversations. You are not and I repeat not inherently abhorrent or shameful or disgraceful. None of us are.

How we feel about ourselves is directly linked to what we think we are, what we think we should do, where we think we should be and what we think we should have achieved. The feelings of dissatisfaction that come up when these expectations don’t match the reality we find ourselves living are what creates our pain, or dissatisfaction our guilt and our shame.

Let’s stop torturing ourselves eh? Let’s NOT focus on what we haven’t done or where we don’t find ourselves and switch our attention to what we HAVE achieved.

Shift your focus to the things you are grateful for in the now, and not on where you think you should be but aren’t. Reflect on your achievements in life so far and really appreciate who and what you are TODAY, now, in THIS very moment

Uniquely, beautifully and originally YOU

vipassana-997076_1280You see, of the billions of people on the planet, of all the people who have EVER been or ever WILL be there is and only ever will be one you.

YOU, yes you, are a beautiful, UNIQUE, a rare, gift, a one-off, a wonderful being.

You DO NOT deserve to feel ONE moment of shame…so please believe what I know is true, that you’re whole, that the only thing you are and should be unapologetically, is the wonderful essence that is YOU

For today and every day…

Blissings & Much Love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

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Motherhood

Happy Mothering Sunday All,

So Cliché…

mother-429158_1280At first I wasn’t going to be so cliché as to talk about motherhood. After all there will be a glut of missives and articles on the subject today. Then I realised I was ‘bucking the trend’ out of a wish to be different and not ‘do as others do.’ A rather pathetic reason for NOT doing anything I decided so here’s my take on and ‘Thank-You’ message to Mothers, those who are in the act of ‘mothering’ and an homage to the state of Motherhood.

Short…but I hope, SWEET

Today’s post will be a short one, for as a mother and grandmother I have more of it to get on with and like you want to really enjoy the legacy of my children & their children.

So… Motherhood.

What does it mean?

balloon-84826_150

Elizabeth Stone seems to quite succinctly express my sentiments on motherhood when she says:

“having a child is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body.”

The thought that forever, my children have some of me my own cells, my DNA, (whether they like it or not), in their body…always is mind-blowing. To know that I carry pieces of them, for an eternity, inside me, wherever I go, is the warmest and most deeply connected feeling in the entire universe and when I look at my children, I know I did something good with my life.

Wrong…wrong…wrong

Each experience of motherhood is unique to the individual, yet if you pay attention to the media and society’s expectations of mothers you’d think there was a set of ‘golden rules,’ a code for us all to follow and if we don’t we are subject to some appalling criticism.

mourning-360500_150So, for much of the time motherhood is fraught and tense. We have daily reminders of how our mothering impacts the life chances and futures of our children. Just last week, in the staffroom, (one of our colleagues is pregnant) we got to discussing how guilty we feel as mothers and no matter how we do it or what we do, it’s never enough or there’s something wrong.

Motherhood is feeling guilty much of the time and carrying a heavy burden of responsibility the rest of it.

There is the perpetual fear of ‘getting it wrong’ even though you know all you can do is:

‘the best you can do!’

From the heart

IMG-20160122-WA0000Motherhood for me has meant having my heart expand to it’s very limits and beyond. Expand to the point where I thought it might burst and yet somehow I found even more love, even more protective instinct, even more nurturing essence and even more strength than I could have ever imagined.

Motherhood means you’re in a constant state of surprise!

mother-434355_1280You are surprised by the number of times you are criticised and vilified, yet all every cell in your being wants to do is encircle the screaming demon who is spitting venom in your arms and love them and let them know it’s alright.

You are surprised by your resilience and strength and overwhelmingly raw, fierce “She-Bear” protective instinct. If you’ve seen the Leonardo Di Caprio film ‘The Revenant,’ then you know what I mean…it’s exactly like that! –

DON’T MESS WITH MY BABIES!

Motherhood means:

  • You are completely taken aback by the fearlessness you find within you as you feign confidence because you know they depend on you and need to feel safe and protected, even though you’re scared stupid!
  • You are amazed by your loving dedication and persistence as oftentimes you are overwhelmed exhausted & confused yet you get up and do it all over again the very next day

love-229977_150

  • You are surprised by your selflessness as you gently encourage them to experience the world and support them to independence even though the thought of it fills you with fear because you know how cruel and unforgiving ‘out there’ can be, but you do it because it’s best for them; even though your fiercest and most powerful instinct is to wrap them up safe and keep them close to you.
  • You are awed by your selflessness, which seems to come so easily.

Motherhood is:

‘Willingly giving up the last piece of the pie even though you’re hungry.’

piece-of-cake-236806_1280

This is some of what motherhood means to me, I’m sure your experience is no less surprising and scary and beautiful. But, regardless of what our differences may be I know that we are is doing:

‘The most wonderfully Human thing we could possibly do.’

Thank you to all our Mothers!

Blissings & Much love!

Insightful Angel

 

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Vulnerability

Happy Sunday All,

This week’s message scares the ‘bejesus’ out of me!

cute-18833_1280The ‘whispering’ last night was the word ‘honesty.’ That’s all I could hear in my mind…’Honesty,’ but on waking this morning and showering I knew it was a message more powerful than that. Vulnerability…  was all I could hear; being laid bare, raw and open is the message I am to bring to you today.

I’m sweating as I write and I can feel the resistance rising within me, but as I contemplate on the word ‘Vulnerability’ and what It is I should write, I realise I risk judgment and ridicule.

Thinking of vulnerability I remembered two experiences that illustrated perfectly how our vulnerability is a powerful connector and touch others far more deeply than simply talking.

A week of two ‘Whispers’

Incident number one was with Year 11 English…

It was a Tuesday, Lesson 1…

During a  quiz I sensed some tension between the groups, two in particular. This competition made me feel uneasy, as it felt more vitriolic and personal, so on Tuesday I mentioned what I’d noticed and went into one of my:

‘This is what I’ve learnt in life speeches…’

  • I launched into how our differences are our beauty and that criticism is cruel and serves no purpose as we all have UNIQUE gifts and our duty is to find them and share them with the world.
  • I revealed my own struggles with criticism as a child and how it’s taken too long for me to find my purpose and how now I’m deeply passionate about getting them to realise this much, much sooner than I, so they can feel fulfilled, happy and ‘right’ and stand in their power for a longer period of their lives.
  • I told them that I do this job because I love being connected to the energy and the beauty and the potential I see in them all and hopefully I can help show their magnificence back to so they can connect with it. And grow in confidence and self.2014-07-05 05.45.18

Instead of being sneered at by a group of cynical 15 & 16 year-olds I noticed them start to smile, some shyly, others more openly; they sat up and sat straighter and some of them actually seemed to light up. By being my usual ‘talk tu much’ open self I had connected far more deeply than I could have hoped. We had pretty good lessons that week…

‘Whisper’ No. 2

whisper-408482_1280The second incident occurred during an assembly. I had a Year 11 form class at the time (15-16 year-olds) if you’re wondering or you’re not in the UK as you read this. An age that can be particularly sneering and disparaging for many; or very painful and isolating for others. I’m a bit of a Mother Hen and like to know they have someone they can come to, but more often than not they don’t because it’s not ‘Cool,’ but I persist knowing that despite the bravado they are fearful and unsure and insecure for the most part as they ‘hatch’ and find their way in life.

I forget sometimes that I often ‘see’ what’s below the surface, all that literary analysis I guess?

One of my form pupils, a young woman, I’d noticed was always alone. She was a lovely girl. Seemed quietly self-assured yet ALWAYS alone, something told me that her aloneness was a shield and that she was ‘holding’ herself in. I somehow sensed a tension in her. So I asked her to sit next to me and just asked if she was alone through choice…

The tension that comes with holding

She began to shake…mildly at first and then the tears started silently streaming down her cheeks. We exited the hall together and sat and talked, she asked why I’d asked that question and I told her about the ‘tension’ I noticed and that I recognised it. The constant ‘holding yourself in’ for fear that you’ll fall apart if you ease up for even a second.

glass-101792_1280

A shattered mirror whose frame is desperately trying to keep the broken pieces in.

 

I recognised that…

I revealed how and why I had been so ‘tense’ as young person a ‘hold it all together’ person constantly unsure of who or what or why I was. I got so used to the holding, that as an adult I never cried and could be very aloof.

There were a lot of tears for her but also a release and a relaxation afterwards. She was grateful and somehow more peaceful, simply because she had been ‘seen’ by someone and through my vulnerability she realised she wasn’t alone, that connection was possible, that someone cared, that she could get help if she needed it.

What I don’t want you to know about me…

You see, we’re all ‘holding’ aren’t we? Even those of us who seem care-free and open are usually ‘hiding’ some part of ourselves, some quality or experience that we feel makes us ‘less than’

What I don’t want you to know about me is that I’m tired…

woman-1043030_1280Not physically tired, (though I am sometimes), but spiritually weak. I’ve tried and tried at this thing called life and I’m afraid I haven’t got it right yet as I haven’t yet created the reality for my life that I see in my visions and in my dreams and it saddens me

What I don’t want you to know about me is that I love teaching, but I know there’s more for me to be and do, more of me to share with the world and I somehow I just can’t seem make it manifest the way it is in my visions. I am doing what I know how to do, but not my passion (it once was) not my DREAM. 

And yet… I also have a ‘knowing’ that the universe knows what it’s doing and that it’s all about divine timing…

The dream

That I dream of connecting with you…ordinary people like me, across the globe, through writing and seminars and speeches; pleading with you to realise faster and sooner than I, that you are AMAZING! That I dream of speaking to others at their very core and helping them to discover their truest truths their highest potential & helping them to step into it.

You see, that is our path to true happiness:

Finding your gifts and sharing them with the world.

motivational-1177436_1280

 

  • What I don’t want you to know about me is that I have failed. Time and time again. I have attempted to do business in so many ways, to create ‘multiple income streams’ in an effort to leave a legacy for my family.
  • What I don’t want you to know about me is I have failed in relationships. I have trusted and been taken advantage of and hurt and trusted again and been ‘shafted’ with money more times than I can count and still I believe what others tell me. Trusting automatically.
  • What I don’t want you to know about me is that I’ve been married (twice) only to learn some painful, deep & powerful lessons and that I’m sometimes afraid that I’m no good and that, though I hope for another partner in life & love, I’ll get it wrong if I get the chance again.
  • What I don’t want you to know about me is I have tried and tried to create a vibrant lifestyle, a life full of travel and freedom and security for the next seven generations of my family.
  • I dream of addressing hundreds of thousands of people, connecting them to their wonder and the best of who they are, helping them discover their beauty and joy. I dream that my children are there, in the front row and are looking up; proud to call me ‘Mum.’

Yet all I have managed to create is a reality that leaves me just one wage slip (pay check) from the street and sometimes I feel as though I’m hanging on to a cliff-side with jagged rocks and broken bottles at the bottom and all that’s keeping me from falling & being lacerated and ripped to bits by them is my fingernails.

Getting to the point

one-way-street-1113973_1280So now we come to the reason for this post. My message, the loop in my head this morning kept saying ‘honesty & vulnerability.’ I know allowing vulnerability is a powerful tool. When coaching others I have always lived by the premise that I cannot get my client to go any deeper to find their answers than I will go myself, as open as I am ready to be.

It is when I ask just that ‘right’ question, that they realise I could only know to ask if I’d been there and in that moment there’s a recognition of someone who ‘GETS THIS,’ who understands what their challenges are.

The revelation produces a deeper more powerful connection between coach and client, immense trust and so leads to some wonderful transformations.

Holding…& holding…& breaking?

children-788782_1280I felt driven today to reach out to those of you, wherever you are who are on the planet today,  who are struggling with life. My wish is to share with you and be exposed…reveal my vulnerability. It’s not some stunt or appeal for sympathy, but a genuine hope that you get that I too am ‘holding’ that we all are and that all those things I am ‘holding,’ my fears, those areas of my life I feel are less than savoury and for which I think I will be judged are also the experiences and the pain and the lessons…the gifts that enable me to share with you.

Life today is challenging and it seems particularly so, why I don’t know, but I hope today, you take my vulnerability and see within it with the message I intended.

A message for us to:

  • Connect with one another.
  • To just let go of the ‘tension’ for a little while.
  • To still the inner voice of judgment, just for a brief moment at least
  • To accept ourselves; failures, issues, foibles and all.
  • To look into the eyes of a stranger, drop the façade and simply reach out and say ‘Hello… how are you today?’
  • To keep on keeping on and know through these words that ‘You are not alone.’

    Blissings & much love

    Insightful Angel

All images sourced from Pixabay

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Eulogy

Happy Sunday All,

eulogy (from εὐλογία, eulogia, Classical Greek for “praise”) is a speech or writing in praise of a person(s) or thing(s), especially one who recently died or retired or as a term of endearment.

mourning-108781_1280This week my thoughts seemed to gravitate towards death. Not in a negative way you understand. If there are two things that are certain in this life its ‘death and taxes.’

We’re all going to die at some point, but it got me thinking about my Eulogy.

  • What would people say about me when I’m gone? And
  • What would I LIKE people to say about me?

Legacy

As a new grandparent I’m increasingly thinking about legacy and the example I am being for her and her life. I care deeply that she knows her worth, that she understands her unique gifts and nurtures them.

I care desperately that she knows she absolutely has a right and a place on this earth and that she has a gift to share with it too.

statue-572169_1280I want to teach her that she has a duty to find her happiness and nothing else and that her joy is what will lead her to her fulfilment.

I sat and wondered: what are the things I would imagine my granddaughter saying to her friends about me?

What would be the word inserted as she says to her girlfriends

  • ‘My grandma taught me X’
  • ‘I learnt X from my long talks with my grandma’
  • ‘My grandma used to say X and I’ll always remember that’

What of the students I have taught would any of them remember me, or the lessons in life I tried to give them?

What of my friends?

What of my associates in Community groups and friendship groups?

What of my family?

What would my legacy be for my granddaughter and any other grandchildren that may follow be and in what way would my time here have affected the world?

Would I be remembered as having influenced the people I came into contact with, my community, society and the world positively or negatively?

Write my own Eulogy?

clouds-808749_1280I decided that maybe I should write down the things I hoped people would say about me and so I decided to write my Eulogy!

I know what I’d like to imagine being said in my Eulogy, but as I wrote I began to wonder HOW could the qualities and gifts that I envisioned being delivered in my Eulogy; delivered with compassion and love; actually come to be the one (or very similar) that was actually delivered?

What would I have to do and more importantly be in life to have this Eulogy be the one spoken over my ashes, by someone who cared for me, their voice faltering as they consider how much they will miss me, as they scatter them to the four corners on the wind?

A powerful tool

old-140626_1280As I read and re-read my Eulogy and looked at the things I’d written, I could see clearly that some of the things I hoped would be highlighted; positive qualities I had; or loving things I’d done; or lasting impressions I’d created were possible as they were a part of my current experience and were things I was making and effort to create and do now; but there were other things, too that made me wonder…

“How could these qualities be spoken about when it was clear that they were qualities or gifts or achievements that did not feature in my life right now?” Gifts, skills and qualities that to date I had not allowed into my experience nor made an effort to learn or create.

How could I possible be known for these qualities if I wasn’t yet making an effort to nurture them within myself, or within my experience?

I dawned on me, that from a frivolous thought I had discovered a powerful tool for self-reflection and a method that could be used to guide me from this point forward to plan and create the future I wanted to see.

orloj-1102368_128021 seconds…well, not quite, 21 minutes and maybe…

In twenty minutes or so, the time it took me to contemplate and cogitate, the time it took me to explore and evaluate, I realised I had created a compass for myself.

A device for finding direction with a needle that can move easily and that always points to magnetic north.

But this compass was one that could lead me to my ‘True North,’ not magnetic North.

True North

What do I mean by that?

True North means, North as identified by the Earth’s Axis, not Magnetic North. Magnetic North varies from place to place. Magnetic North is simply magnetic regions in the arctic that continually shift based on where you are on the earth and not necessarily guiding you to your desired destination.

North is constant.

vintage-1064142_1280As you can guess the phrase to follow your ‘True North’ means to live ‘authentically as YOU’ following your own inner guidance system, not being pulled by the idea of what North is by external forces.

Finding your ‘True North’ means knowing who you choose to be & where you choose to go & knowing what you choose to leave behind as your legacy. Consider what it is you want to be known for once your spirit leaves this earthly plane.

So, why not write your Eulogy today as the pathway to your

TRUE NORTH and the authentic you, you choose to be.

 Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

All images: https://pixabay.com/

 

 

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Valentine

Happy Sunday All,

Valentine’s Day…

valentines-day-1182246_1280This year, Valentine’s day falls on the same day as the Chinese New Year, It’s the anniversary of the George Ferris’s 157th birthday, it’s also the day a famous massacre took place in 1929. In 1945, just after midnight the German city of Dresden was bombed and finally the saint after which the festival is named, ST. Valentine, was executed on this day some time around 270 AD according to historical records.

It’s a day when we express our affection with cards, excesses of chocolate, roses, wine and all manner of tokens.

Valentine’s day is a day of romance, declarations of love and gift giving

Love…

love-1153972_1280 What is it really?

For many of us, love (romantic love, that is); the affection the care; the companionship, the respect; the support, the shared laughter and the faithfulness that we want in our love relationship seem rather elusive.

As you have come to learn, I am a bit of a ruminator. I think deeply about things and as this day of romance approached I got to thinking…

Thoughts on Love & Romance

Don’t get me wrong I’m a great romantic. I luuurve the idea of us loving one another and I love nothing more than the ‘frisson’ and thrill of meeting someone new and getting to know them. The hope and the expectation that maybe this time we have found someone a person we can hope share our life and experiences with, someone we can laugh with and cuddle up with and ‘be ourselves’ with.

But as I contemplated Valentine’s day and the nature of ‘love.’ I realised that in my life and experience I have learnt that the ‘Valentine’ and Romance movie version of love will remain an elusive and distant dream until we recognise what love and loving really means…

5 benefits of learning to love yourself

red-hearts-1182249_1280

No. 1

We cannot give what we don’t yet have ourselves…

Yet so many of us have so little love for who we are, but at the same time we are desperate to have another love us

To truly find love and a love that lives up to our idea of romantic love, we first need to know how to love ourselves…

  • Loving yourself heals every problem you have in life
  • Loving yourself makes you happy
  • Loving yourself improves your health and well-being
  • Loving yourself generates positive energy and that positive energy creates positive experiences.

No. 2

footsteps-390516_1280I have learnt that loving yourself is the pathway to your PEACE & your HAPPINESSWhen you love yourself you feel pretty good most of the time and feeling good all the time means you’re pretty happy.

Even when you have challenges, if you love yourself you respect and honour your strengths, you understand that you can overcome because you know how amazing you’ve been and the wonderful qualities you possessed that helped you deal with your previous challenges.

No. 3

You are enthralled

person-723561_1280As you voyage deeper into self-discovery. You gain a deep-seated appreciation for the YOU that you are. You accept the different parts that make you YOU; The foibles and idiosyncrasies, the embarrassments and peculiarities. You celebrate all parts of you and find yourself walking taller, feeling more peaceful and smiling without having a reason to…

No.4

You let go

Of the need to control or define others. Having a deeper love of yourself makes you to realise that your only purpose is to do just that and that your happiness is YOUR responsibility. You therefore begin to accept that you cannot ‘save’ or create happiness in others, that’s THEIR job. Once we ‘get’ this we begin to let go trying controlling circumstances or the emotions of others and more importantly we let go of…buddha-709861_1280

No. 5

You learn to stop blaming yourself.

Yeah OK, we all have our quirks and habits, our fears and ‘weirdnesses,’ but once you learn to truly love yourself and I mean develop that complete acceptance for who you are in your core; develop the ability to forgive yourself, talk softly and lovingly to yourself as if you would a young child, then you understand that those less than perfect actions you are simply opportunities for you to ‘choose’ again, a lesson in the school of life. You understand that you too are no better or worse than anyone else and that it’s OK to falter or make a mistake, you’re simply learning how to create the ‘you’ you choose to be.

You see once you understand how to LOVE YOU…

Then you are filled up with it.

Full to the brim with it…

Overflowing…

water-984476_1280It is then, when you know how to love you, when you are so full, that you have more than enough to share and still be full, it is then that you know how to replenish any that you do share and you make it your mission to always replenish your reserves first, that you will you truly understand love’s nature.

In this space you will be able to truly honour and respect and love cherish another enough to share the best of YOU

So from today…

Make it your mission to truly learn how to understand, honour, accept and deeply appreciate all of yourself; without condition.

Learn to do this and you’ll know instinctively how to do so with the one you choose to share your life with and between you you’ll create magic!

vintage-1171961_1280Happy Valentine’s Day!

Blissings & Much love

Insightful Angel

 

 

 

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A Journey back to love