Happy Sunday all
Today I’m going to comment on something that many of us experience, yet we are (consciously at least) unaware of it.
I’m talking about the fear of success
Who fears success? You holler. Well, you may be surprised to realise it, but many of us harbour unconscious Silent Saboteurs
They can manifest in the form of procrastination. You have a goal that you want to achieve or a level of comfort, stability, income that you know you are worth, yet you can’t seem to pick up the momentum you’d hoped with the actions you take to you reach your envisaged goal.
Sometimes we procrastinate not because we don’t want to take the necessary steps, (we’re often working like Trojans and can’t understand why we’re not making the headway we hope to), but become overwhelmed by the enormity of the task and are not sure where to start, or we are unaware (and this is the key to the challenge here) that on a subconscious level we feel undeserving and have some form of guilt or feeling of undeserving attached to receiving the abundance we so desperately want and know we deserve.
I’ll give you an example from my own recent experience: Through this experience I REALLY understood the importance to your psyche of owning your successes and celebrating your achievements.
It was a great surprise to suddenly find myself in a bidding war between two agencies Last Friday. As they batted the fee and the contract benefits backward and forwards, like game of ping-pong, I had moments of guilt and moments of panic.
Both consultants were of course pressing for me to make an immediate decision and of course wanted me to decide in favour of THEIR client. In the end I had to tell them both to give me half an hour to have a ‘cuppa,’ breathe and really check myself internally so I decided that was ‘right for me,’ not one that was a reaction to MY own silent saboteurs, emotions or pressure.
During the process it became clear that one of my major silent saboteurs are feelings of ‘obligation’ ‘should do,’ ‘loyalty’ and ‘guilt.’
Let me explain:
I could choose to stay with the current organisation; in their favour were established relationships, familiarity etc. However:
- They had not retained my services until two days before the holidays, so I was unaware of my situation as I headed into the season
- When they did offer to continue with my services they offered to extend me by one month only, so come the end of Jan 2016, I could again find myself looking for another situation
- They offered to pay an increased fee only after my skills and talents were in danger of going elsewhere. After someone else saw my potential immediately and offered to pay what they felt my skill and abilities are worth.
My silent saboteurs were kicking in and I felt ‘guilty’ at the idea of leaving because of the relationships I’d developed; I felt an obligation to ‘see it through,’ even though if I did so they could easily let me go and I wouldn’t have the opportunity to see it through anyway.
The new, brings with it feelings of exhilaration and excitement and I knew from experience that these are signs; my intuition was indicating that this is the door I should walk through for my personal development and expansion, so why the indecision?
Success means change
Stepping up to the next level of success, however it manifests is something we’ve never before experienced and so it feels strange. We’ve all experienced that twinge of trepidation when we’ve had to deal with a new environment or situation, the doubt whether we are ‘up to the task’ do we have the skills, the intellect, the knowledge the confidence the style, the whatever…to make the grade and stay afloat in this new sea of experience?
Just keep swimming…
More often than not these fears are unfounded and we do more than rise to the occasion we may even find things are far easier at the ‘next level’ than we anticipated. We do more than float but swim deftly and easily. Before long it feels so familiar in this space we wonder why we ever had doubt in the first place.
The two faces of success
You see success has two faces: there’s the positive side, the side we focus on that keeps us ploughing on when we are in pursuit of the goal and are striving. We rarely see or think about the other side, which may have .
Yes there are potential negatives…
Fear of success is as I said and ‘UNCONSCIOUS’ saboteur and those fears are the ones that appear larger and more ominous because avoid evaluating them.
Anything we avoid, tends to grow stronger and more powerful. Anything you fear you tend to avoid (either consciously or subconsciously) and when we focus on avoiding we reinforce the avoidance behaviour…hence procrastination, indecision, stop and start patterning etc.
If you wish losing a significant amount of weight you may:
- Subconsciously fear the potential criticism or jealousy from others you know who say they need to lose weight too…you may be ‘ejected from the club.’
- What about the extra attention and praise you may receive? You may fear how to deal with it
- What of the new clothes you will undoubtedly have to buy. If you situation is less than flush, this could be a challenging investment to have to make.
They may seem trivial, but these subconscious saboteurs can completely halt your achieving your vision, thought you are actively ‘doing’ on conscious level.
The incredible Shrinking Saboteur
One way and the way I was able to shrink and get rid of my subconscious saboteur was to face it. Anything we put a spotlight on or examine tends to shrink and we see the issue for what it truly is. More often than not it is less scary that we imagined and we are able to find the confidence to deal with the feelings, situation, status, abundance that have manifest for us.
Turning the spotlight on my feelings made me realise that I didn’t have to ‘DO’ or ‘Be’ any more than I was already. I realised, that I was being fought for because I had been the very best I could be, I had consistently performed with passion and love over a 10-year plus period. I understood that this was just reward for that and that if I was to achieve even more and feel comfortable with the level of success I envisioned for myself this was the next logical step. I needed to put this new overcoat on and get used to wearing it.
By acknowledging the hidden side to success, but more importantly (and this is where the focus should be) by counting and acknowledging the positives, the minute by minute, day by day, month by month successes I had already achieved I was able to shift my feelings of undeserving or guilt and so feel completely worthy of the abundance being offered to me.
This January… as we consider the year that has just passed and look towards our ambitions for the year ahead I urge you to look at your success. Own and celebrate, what you have achieved and how far you have come. You will surprise yourself I assure you.
By feeling joy and self-appreciation you consciously programme yourself to accept and step up to even more success to come.