Trust – Trust in the self

Happy Sunday All,

trust-482656_1280I have been contemplating fear. Fear is a subject that comes up for scrutiny so often especially amongst those of us who write about mind, life issues. It is the paralyser, the spectre that stops us in our tracks. Numbs us. We allow it to deny us our joy.

The more I thought about it though, I came to realise that fear is actually a lack of TRUST. When we do not trust ourselves at a core level, we are suspicious of everyone and everything and it is this inability to trust that creates our suspicion paranoia and fear.

Information overload

So many of us today automatically look outside ourselves for answers. We garner the opinions of experts, friends, (usually so we have an excuse and someone else to blame if things don’t quite work out), before we feel equipped to make decisions that affect our day-to-day living.

twitter_logoIn the C21st it’s even worse as so many of us seem incapable of making a move without consulting our twitter followers first! We have access to so many opinions. Of course it’s useful to learn from someone who’s “been there, don it and bought the tee-shirt” before we did, but relying on your friends, or experts or mummy and daddy to make your decisions for you is dependence and indicates and inability to trust yourself.

We’re so used to looking outside ourselves, we forget that we are capable of finding the answers for ourselves, within ourselves. We have lost our ability to self-trust and trust in our own instincts.

Not enough

One of the reasons for this lack of self-trust is the constant ‘you’re not enough’ messages we receive every day. The not: pretty/handsome/successful, thin/rich enough messages that work both overtly and subliminally to erode our self-confidence, our self-belief and ultimately our trust in our ability to steer our own ship to shore.sueaking-482701_1280

Believe me the reason I have had this revelation is because I’ve spent the last few weeks in a state of disarray and insecurity wondering what I should do about a couple of areas of my life.

It was only when I stopped the whinging and the thrashing about and told myself that I needed to trust myself that the answers would come; when I turned inward and looked to my instincts; it was only then that the tightness in my body went and I gained some clarity. That clarity continues and is coming thick and fast with every large or small decision I am making, with every subtle or major change I am considering.

Overwhelm

When you lack self-trust you are constantly living in a state of fear and worry…there is a tendency then to simply ‘knee-jerk’ into making decisions that ultimately will not serve you in the long run. We do or say things that we later regret. We then feel bad. Feel bad because deep inside we knew we were doing the wrong thing, we simply refused to listen, to pay attention to the signs.Sad-Face

Perhaps it was too instinctive and not logical, or perhaps we didn’t really believe that we deserved the outcome we knew we truly wanted.

Until we learn to self-trust we will experience overwhelm and fear. Every decision we make will be a reactive one because we are afraid or because we feel we ‘should’ logically do this or that. We will always feel that this or that decision is the acceptable one, the one that will be best for everyone else, the one that will get the most approval.

Yet again… you’re looking outside…waiting for external approval.

It’s YOUR life: OWN IT!

identity-510866_1280Start today by owning your life and deepening your trust in yourself. When I’m out of synch my back and shoulders become tense and I get pain. It’s my body’s way of signposting that’s something is out of synch. That I am not trusting that I can handle whatever life throws at me. (It’s not as if I haven’t already had proof of this over and over again in my time here!).

Self-trust starts with turning inward for the answers. Of course there are times when you will need to look to others examples as possible outcomes, to other opinions as guides, but don’t let them cloud your own unique guidance system that is perfectly aligned to guide you to what is best for YOU and for YOUR life.

Your Intuition.

For steps to greater self-trust:

  1. Recall
  2. Attention
  3. Consultation
  4. Decision

whisper-408482_1280Recall: Times in the past when you made decisions for yourself that were successful, times when you were torn and forced to choose yet somehow you did it and the outcome was perfect for who you are and for your life. If you could do it then you can do it now – Trust

Attention: Pay attention to your body; your physical reactions and well-being. Start by thinking about someone or a situation that you love that is a positive nurturing force in your life. Check in and note how that makes you feel inside.

Then do the same with a situation or decision or person that you dislike or makes you feel angry. Note how this feels too.

buddha-169511_1280When you come to making decisions, whether it’s one about parenting or your career or your relationship, ask yourself the question you need to have answered and then note the feelings that arise. Which scenario do the feelings that arise compare to?

Consultation: Check in with your heart… Often today we think the right thing can only be done with logic and science and ‘what makes sense;’ but I bet we can all recall a time when something didn’t ‘make sense,’ yet the outcome was more amazing than we could have hoped.

We all have intuition and sometimes it positively SCREAMS at us: The times when you go somewhere and you just ‘know,’ people we’ve met or situations we’ve been asked to get involved in and you just ‘know.’ They’re no good.

The best answers can’t always be found in spread-sheets or analysis or opinions

Can you tap into your heart and be still enough to listen? The answers your heart gives you are always in your best interests…

Trust is like love…

Trust is instinctive…

its-your-choiceDecision: When we allow ourselves to stay fixed in a state of indecision it’s debilitating. Oftentimes we let this ‘no man’s land’ and state of inertia exist so long that we don’t recall feeling anything else but listless, fatigued and low.

We can become ill, withdrawn or even depressed. Your body’s giving you powerful signs to get on and:

“Make the damned decision already!”

You’ve recalled, you’ve paid attention, you’ve consulted, but you’re still torn between choices or opinions. Just bite the bullet and, get on with it and do what you’ve got to do!2014-08-24 08.44.41

Making the decision can be the best thing you can do. Stop looking for excuses about timing, or needing to know more. Trust and GO FOR IT!

When we learn to self-trust we are better able to deal with the challenging times that may come up in future. You know, those times when we feel grief or lost or angry or afraid. In those times we will know in our hearts that we have the ability to get through.

Trust your body, your heart and your soul to lead you to what is right.

You’ll be amazed at how your tensions disappear.

See how relaxed you become…

Dive into your life…

Feel excited by your life again!fitness-332278_150

 

Blissings and much love

Insightful Angel

 

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5 thoughts on “Trust – Trust in the self”

  1. Another amazing post Mrs Tomlin, you never fail to disappoint. I’ve always been updated on your posts because I think they are absolutely fantastic. Some of the things you discuss on your blog are similar to what you have told me in the class room and it’s good to see that your spiritual side and your words of wisdom have not left me completely. Keep up the good work 🙂

    1. Amar, my lovely young man. How wonderful to hear from you and to know that you love my posts. That means more than you know, as my ambition is for them to help as many people as possible on their journey and you know me, especially young people like yourself. If I haven’t said it before I’ll say it here now. You were an absolute blissing to know and to teach. The honour was all mine and I feel grateful for being given the opportunity to know you especially and the boys of Belle Vue. You’re a very special young man. I’ve no doubt you’ll go into the world fearlessly, live your life wholeheartedly and leave it a better place for having had you in it. Much love to you always & please let me know how you’re doing if only via this blog. xx

      1. Thank you Mrs Tomlin that honestly means so much to me and I just wanted to say that you are doing a fantastic job in helping people on their journey including me. You are by far one of the best teachers that has ever taught me :). I did visit the school 2 weeks ago and it Was good to see the school and the teachers but I must say that it felt very different not seeing you in that English room, your presence was clearly missing. I’ve been good miss, university is going well, it took time to adjust at first but it’s going very well now thank you 🙂 how are you?

        1. Hello there Amar,
          Apologies, but I haven’t had the time to respond for a few days. I can’t tell you how pleased I am that University is working well for you. You of all people deserve every success and abundance this life has to offer. They key things to remember is to do what you love, be kind and ‘it’s never too late’ to change and time heals all things.
          I still miss the school and especially you boys. I am aware that things have changed, I guess that’s one thing in life that is a given. Everything changes. Perhaps in my new guise as Coach and Personal Development Facilitator I will be able to help them with my consultancy to create a heart based Culture there. In that way everyone is performing and achieving their best as well as loving what they do. You and your class are often in my thoughts, so you must say hello to the others for me. Much love & Blissings to you Amar. Ms T

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