Happy Sunday All,
I have been contemplating fear. Fear is a subject that comes up for scrutiny so often especially amongst those of us who write about mind, life issues. It is the paralyser, the spectre that stops us in our tracks. Numbs us. We allow it to deny us our joy.
The more I thought about it though, I came to realise that fear is actually a lack of TRUST. When we do not trust ourselves at a core level, we are suspicious of everyone and everything and it is this inability to trust that creates our suspicion paranoia and fear.
So many of us today automatically look outside ourselves for answers. We garner the opinions of experts, friends, (usually so we have an excuse and someone else to blame if things don’t quite work out), before we feel equipped to make decisions that affect our day-to-day living.
In the C21st it’s even worse as so many of us seem incapable of making a move without consulting our twitter followers first! We have access to so many opinions. Of course it’s useful to learn from someone who’s “been there, don it and bought the tee-shirt” before we did, but relying on your friends, or experts or mummy and daddy to make your decisions for you is dependence and indicates and inability to trust yourself.
We’re so used to looking outside ourselves, we forget that we are capable of finding the answers for ourselves, within ourselves. We have lost our ability to self-trust and trust in our own instincts.
One of the reasons for this lack of self-trust is the constant ‘you’re not enough’ messages we receive every day. The not: pretty/handsome/successful, thin/rich enough messages that work both overtly and subliminally to erode our self-confidence, our self-belief and ultimately our trust in our ability to steer our own ship to shore.
Believe me the reason I have had this revelation is because I’ve spent the last few weeks in a state of disarray and insecurity wondering what I should do about a couple of areas of my life.
It was only when I stopped the whinging and the thrashing about and told myself that I needed to trust myself that the answers would come; when I turned inward and looked to my instincts; it was only then that the tightness in my body went and I gained some clarity. That clarity continues and is coming thick and fast with every large or small decision I am making, with every subtle or major change I am considering.
When you lack self-trust you are constantly living in a state of fear and worry…there is a tendency then to simply ‘knee-jerk’ into making decisions that ultimately will not serve you in the long run. We do or say things that we later regret. We then feel bad. Feel bad because deep inside we knew we were doing the wrong thing, we simply refused to listen, to pay attention to the signs.
Perhaps it was too instinctive and not logical, or perhaps we didn’t really believe that we deserved the outcome we knew we truly wanted.
Until we learn to self-trust we will experience overwhelm and fear. Every decision we make will be a reactive one because we are afraid or because we feel we ‘should’ logically do this or that. We will always feel that this or that decision is the acceptable one, the one that will be best for everyone else, the one that will get the most approval.
Yet again… you’re looking outside…waiting for external approval.
It’s YOUR life: OWN IT!
Start today by owning your life and deepening your trust in yourself. When I’m out of synch my back and shoulders become tense and I get pain. It’s my body’s way of signposting that’s something is out of synch. That I am not trusting that I can handle whatever life throws at me. (It’s not as if I haven’t already had proof of this over and over again in my time here!).
Self-trust starts with turning inward for the answers. Of course there are times when you will need to look to others examples as possible outcomes, to other opinions as guides, but don’t let them cloud your own unique guidance system that is perfectly aligned to guide you to what is best for YOU and for YOUR life.
For steps to greater self-trust:
Recall: Times in the past when you made decisions for yourself that were successful, times when you were torn and forced to choose yet somehow you did it and the outcome was perfect for who you are and for your life. If you could do it then you can do it now – Trust
Attention: Pay attention to your body; your physical reactions and well-being. Start by thinking about someone or a situation that you love that is a positive nurturing force in your life. Check in and note how that makes you feel inside.
Then do the same with a situation or decision or person that you dislike or makes you feel angry. Note how this feels too.
When you come to making decisions, whether it’s one about parenting or your career or your relationship, ask yourself the question you need to have answered and then note the feelings that arise. Which scenario do the feelings that arise compare to?
Consultation: Check in with your heart… Often today we think the right thing can only be done with logic and science and ‘what makes sense;’ but I bet we can all recall a time when something didn’t ‘make sense,’ yet the outcome was more amazing than we could have hoped.
We all have intuition and sometimes it positively SCREAMS at us: The times when you go somewhere and you just ‘know,’ people we’ve met or situations we’ve been asked to get involved in and you just ‘know.’ They’re no good.
The best answers can’t always be found in spread-sheets or analysis or opinions
Can you tap into your heart and be still enough to listen? The answers your heart gives you are always in your best interests…
Trust is like love…
Trust is instinctive…
Decision: When we allow ourselves to stay fixed in a state of indecision it’s debilitating. Oftentimes we let this ‘no man’s land’ and state of inertia exist so long that we don’t recall feeling anything else but listless, fatigued and low.
We can become ill, withdrawn or even depressed. Your body’s giving you powerful signs to get on and:
“Make the damned decision already!”
You’ve recalled, you’ve paid attention, you’ve consulted, but you’re still torn between choices or opinions. Just bite the bullet and, get on with it and do what you’ve got to do!
Making the decision can be the best thing you can do. Stop looking for excuses about timing, or needing to know more. Trust and GO FOR IT!
When we learn to self-trust we are better able to deal with the challenging times that may come up in future. You know, those times when we feel grief or lost or angry or afraid. In those times we will know in our hearts that we have the ability to get through.
Trust your body, your heart and your soul to lead you to what is right.
You’ll be amazed at how your tensions disappear.
See how relaxed you become…
Dive into your life…
Feel excited by your life again!
Blissings and much love