Happy Sunday all,
The Beatles sang it and many poets have written it, but how true is it that ‘All we need is love.’ but what does that mean and is it true? ‘How do we access the gift of life?’
This late posting indicates the challenge I’ve had with this week’s topic. A challenge because I have so much I could say it’s been difficult to know where to start and what to include, but I hope it makes sense and resonates with you on some level.
Love & hate?
We hold the belief that hate is the opposite of love. Yet my life and experience has taught me that it is fear which is love’s opposite. As I grow to maturity, I notice increasingly that where there is misery or anger or disdain or whatever negative behaviour being displayed, that it’s FEAR that is at the root of it all. Osho provides a great analogy.
He says fear is darkness. It is the absence of love. You cannot touch darkness, nor smell it or throw it or do anything with it. Darkness is the absence of light. To revel the darkness you switch off the light, but you’re still doing something with the light. In the same way fear is present when you switch off the love, but the ‘switching off.’ is with the love.
‘If you love well fear disappears…If you love deeply fear is not found.’ – Osho.
Most of us understand that what it feels to be in the absence of fear. If you’ve every loved another, been in love with another or experienced the love for your child you will have experienced moments of profound joy love, and expansiveness. loving in this open-hearted way was the gift itself and yet it may only have been a moment, but in that moment did your feel fear?
When you love deeply, fear disappears you become fearless. Fearless people have no need to create fear within another nor do they allow another to create fear within them.
Are you operating from love?
How ready are you to become fearless and love unconditionally? Most of us harbour that secret desire to be loved unconditionally for who we are, however, are YOU truly loving in the same way. Take a look at the most significant relationship in your life right now, it may be with a partner, wife, husband, son or daughter or parent.
Are you being completely open…are you fearless in your interactions and vulnerable? are you able to give unconditionally? The minute we start to think the other ‘should do this,’ ‘should be like that.’ only than will/can I love you.’ then we’re beginning to stifle the very thing which allowed us to feel free and real in the first place.
Love cannot be corralled and leashed and controlled like a wild pony. When we do this we’re creating a transaction, a bargain.
- Do you love your partner when they’re providing but lose respect for them if they lose their job?
- Do you hear their concerns or fears when they attempt to open up to you or do you dismiss them?
Be honest…is there some form of bargain or condition in operation or are you genuinely giving. Unconditionally, with an open heart?
- Have you become complacent and take their being there for granted?
- Have you stopped bringing gifts and tokens to show your appreciation,
- Do you thank them for the things they do to make your life happier/more comfortable.
When was the last time you looked at them with an open heart and told them exactly what you love about them and meant it no strings, no expectation of a return or because you need something from them?
Your relationship, your responsibility…100%
If you recall the moments when you fell in love, there was no bargaining, no conditions, you were fearless. The gift was in the giving.
Once the love settles we begin to fear.
Forget about the other person what are YOU doing with regard to love?
This applies or your relationship with yourself too…don’t forget that.
Fear – a Long, Slow Death
Caroline Myss says we know when we have ‘Betrayed Ourselves.’ and done something that was not for the benefit of our soul. You get that twinge, that moment of ‘Ewww!’ Perhaps I shouldn’t have said/done that.
It resonates in the feeling part of you.
Are you compromising in some way?
Are you betraying yourself? Existing…persisting with a situation/state of existence that you know in some part of you is slow death?
Why is ego…Why is security…Why is fear!
Your ego closes your palm and says ‘keep this money. We know exactly how many gold coins we have here.’ But what if someone came along who wanted to give you a diamond? How can your receive this added abundance if your palm is closed?
To open your palm is to risk losing the gold.
Death has no risk! Your problem is solved…keep our palm closed.
There’s no sickness or rejection or unknowns in death.
Life is risky…I should know I’ve taken enough risks to have many of them, in the eyes of others ‘fail.’ But I’ve had immense joys from those risks too that I would never had experienced from choosing the ‘safe’ ego based option.
It happens to us all
For many of us, our child hood signified insecurity. Financial, emotionally, intellectual and/or physical…If you is insecure about your needs being met there will be fear.
Financial – You’ll fear poverty and lack & so ‘Hold on.’
Emotional – You’ll fear rejection and hurt & so resist vulnerability
Intellectual – You’ll fear ridicule and lack confidence
Physical – You’ll lack trust and will create barriers to connection often through your own anger or belittling or criticism
As a myriad of people on the planet exist, so too the different ways that we manifest our fears.
People Pleaser or Trust Vampire?
Our fears create scenarios for either ‘people pleasing’ or an inability to trust. We fear vulnerability, for to truly love is to lay oneself bare, to strip back the mask and show ALL that you are.
But…’what if they don’t like what they see?’
Fundamentally the underlying feeling is ‘fear.’
For the people pleasers, it’s the fear of ‘being wrong’ yet in fearing being wrong, you lack trust in yourself as you never developed this trust your own actions. That indecision means you are prone to hastily decide on a course(s) of action to have it ‘go wrong’ and then you’re even more fearful, even more unsure of yourself the next time.
For the trust vampire…well, it speaks for itself. You never allow yourself to be vulnerable in any way, shape or form and so keep everyone and everything at distance.
You feel secure, you have surety and familiarity, you are protected.
Secure… like the butterfly within the Chrysalis or the plant within the seed…
For the butterfly to come to fly free or the seed to become a plant… there’s breaking through.
There’s struggle and pressure.
To fully blossom the plant has to risk the burning heat of the sun, the cold of the winds and the battering of the rain. But in breaking through the seed/Chrysalis’ outer casing, by opening up and releasing the palm, there lies the beauty…
Only then can you receive the gift…
Blessings & Much love