This post does ‘what it says on the tin!’ it’s a message my children a letter if you will, to let them know the main lesson I have learnt in life.
It’s every parent’s duty to at least try to make sure their children don’t make the same mistakes they did. Different ones, yes, but the same ones? That’s darn foolishness!
If there is one thing I’d like them to get and I mean REALLY get it’s this:
You are a child of god.
You are perfect.
It is your right to live in peace, abundance and happiness.
Believe this in the core of your being and the blessings of the universe will be ever-present in your life.
It struck me as I prepare for a change of direction in my life and leave my profession for pastures new and a future of my own creation, that I have a tremendous feeling of optimism and expectation at the start of an adventure. The world seems to be made anew and ANYTHING is possible.
The same feeling I had as 2014 opened up, so I was a little upset to here this:
As I picked up my daughter from work one evening, I was privy to a conversation between her and her work friend and colleague. They were slightly perturbed by the actions and comments that had been made by yet another colleague about my daughter’s friend.
As I listened to them discussing how to respond and act when this other young woman is around. I became increasingly frustrated as I recalled how much energy I had spent in my younger (and not so young years) worrying about what other people thought of me and stressing over how I as a result of their comments, should behave or what I could do to make amends, even if I hadn’t done anything wrong!
I very nearly stopped the car, I was becoming so passionate about the topic that I finally interrupted. Here is the message I gave them.
Let me tell you this:
I rarely have regrets. I have insisted despite it being a severe challenge at times, that I OWN my actions and choices and even if they have not always worked out for the best or been downright foolish at times! Regardless, I have forced myself to accept they were choices I had made and that whatever the outcome it was one I’d created. I’ll write more on this topic at a later date.
But the one regret I do have, is that I now realise, as I become, as they say in French ‘Une Femme d’un certain age’ – that I have wasted lots of time and I mean far too much of it, worrying about what other people think of me.
Time has taught me that there will always be someone who because of their own insecurity, their own inability to believe in their own talents, will see yours as a threat and as a result, will criticise trying to tear you down.
Turning the lens
People who will cry and bleat to others, mis-represent or even lie about how rude, or insensitive or unfair YOU are or whatever they imagine the issue is (assuming of course you haven’t been any of these things) are insecure and afraid…
Deep down inside they are nervous and unsure of themselves, their thoughts, their values and their sense of worth.
They focus their energies ‘outside’ of themselves instead, to avoid looking within and focus on being their best selves. Instead, they are always worried and upset about what other people are doing, as this detracts nicely from who they are and what they’re doing
Me, me, me, me, me…
These people are often moaners, everything and everyone is ‘wrong,’ ‘a problem,’ ‘stupid,’ or else they have a ‘martyr’ complex…’oh woe is me.’ ‘everyone’s’ against me,’ ‘everyone’s always picking on me‘ ‘doing things to me.‘ can you hear the repetition? They are actually very egotistical.
Everything has is about ‘them.’ However as they don’t like themselves too much they project that dislike outwards, but in a way that means they are still the focus.
Strangely enough, as they constantly focus on some form of drama or worry, they are sent plenty of it so they can be as dramatic or as worried as they want to be!
In reality they fear turning the lens on themselves for fear of what they will see there:
They fear of not liking who and what they are!
Unfortunately, you will ALWAYS meet such people.
If only they knew and completely understood that we are all ‘perfectly imperfect.’
The sad thing is, and it is only through very tough lessons learnt and an increasing understanding of human nature as I mature (hopefully into wisdom) that I understand the reasons why:
Blowing out someone else’s candle…
When a person is insecure. When they do not truly believe that they have the talents and skills they say they have they are operating from a place of fear.
- Fear of exposure,
- Fear of being called to task
- Fearful of having to ‘prove’ their abilities
- Fearful that the next person is better
- In fear of being outshone, or whatever…
Unfortunately, people such as this invariably have the same response to their fear and insecurity. They attempt to tear down, denigrate and demean others. In this way they can acquire some brief feeling of superiority, top up their ‘I’m better than’ meter and live to fight another day.
NO-ONE is better than…you may have different skills and talents and that’s how things should be, but no ONE person is better than another.
We are all someone’s children:
So, what I said to the girls and what I say to you is:
DO NOT under any circumstances, listen to their foolishness!
Why the hell should you?
Twisting yourself into a pretzel every time you meet someone new and who feel they have the right to criticise, will only severe to make you dizzy, feel judged and eventually you won’t remember which way is up, who you are or what your truth or authenticity is.
You’re job here is to listen to your own voice, find your own path to your purpose and make a difference through your own experiences whatever they are..
There are lessons for you within each of them.
Follow your own passions and the rest, the financial freedom, the feelings of contentment, the peace will all follow.